Remember when everyone was whining about Eidos making a Tomb Raider remake last year instead of a new game? Okay, maybe it wasn't everyone, but there were definitely some who couldn't understand why, after 2006's funtacular TR: Legend, the developers would turn back the clock and update the original Tomb Raider game, renamed Anniversary (because it was released during the 10th anniversary, duh). Well, after playing through just one level of the new Tomb Raider Underworld, the answer becomes quite clear. Thing is, Underworld's story is a direct continuation of the plot of the previous two games, bringing the two stories together and keeping the player engaged throughout. Our good buddy George Lucas could probably learn a thing or two about continuity from the Eidos crew.

Yeah yeah, good story, I get it. How's she look?

   Oh, so you want to know about the textures and bump mapping for Tomb Raider Underworld? Well... what? That's not it? You just want to hear about how good Lara looks? Oh, good. I have no idea about all that technical crap anyway; on the other hand, I've spent plenty of time checking out the new avatar for our favorite gaming heroine.

   The game in general - and Lara in particular - is gorgeous. First I'll tackle Lara (god how I'd love to tackle Lara... sorry). Other than the more realistic figure (which has been slowly improved upon through each of the last few games), you're sure to notice how fluidly she moves. That's all thanks to the motion capture done mostly on gymnast Heidi Moneymaker (yes, it's okay to laugh, but just remember that she's probably athletic enough to come over there and kick your ass without breaking a sweat).

   Thanks to Heidi, Lara now looks more graceful when walking, running (a new feature that is hugely welcome), jumping, and of course, climbing. That isn't to say the motion is perfect - you'll still have the occasional collision detection problems where you'll back Lara into a corner and watch her spin or jump in a freakish manner until you release the control stick, or have her bravely jump head first into a wall when you really want her to climb it. Thankfully, the good far outweighs the bad, and the end result is a smoother, faster, more efficient tomb raiding lady than we've had before.

   Swimming has also been much improved, especially from Legend. Gone are the frustrating twists and turns, and constantly holding the "dive" button just to go down a few more feet. Now, when Lara is underwater (which she is quite a bit during both the first and last levels), she will simply swim wherever you point the camera. There are still "dive" and "surface" buttons that will get you one way or the other rather quickly, but if you simply point the camera down, Lara will swim down. If only real life girls were this obedient...

Is that enough about her? Look at the pictures if you need more proof.

Where did they get these wonderful toys?

   Sorry for the bad paraphrasing. I guess way back in the ancient world (yes, before your parents were born), people had lots of time on their hands. There were no video games, no internet porn sites, and no Walmarts in which to spend an entire Saturday shopping for stuff you don't need. How people survived in these dark times is really beyond me. Desperate for some good entertainment, the ancient peoples turned to creation of massive structures, and heavy use of drugs (come on, what do you really think was in those "peace pipes"?) as well as dreaming up some truly whacked out ideas for the latest and greatest death trap. So when Lara is tasked with finding a jaguar head and a human skull to complete a death clock that opens the doorway to the underworld (through which she must race her motorcycle before the gates close back up), you kind of take it in stride. It just makes sense that this stuff would exist in Middle of Nowhere, Mexico.

   While navigating all the tricks and traps can be a bit precarious at times, you're blessed with a very favorable camera that aids your progress - but only if you let it. As you begin climbing a structure, if you don't touch the right control stick at all, the camera will pan around Lara and show you the correct path, or at least the direction in which you're supposed to move. It's really quite a simple feature, but it makes navigating the tombs and temples much easier, and takes away the "leap of faith" element that used to present itself when wondering how to make the next jump. This feature was available in the previous games, but it's now been streamlined and really does provide a glimpse at the best possible route to the top.

Nice guns, Lara. Oh, and I see you've got pistols, too.

   Of course, you can't just leisurely stroll through all these ancient ruins without being mugged by some sort of creature. Sharks, tigers, jaguars, little spiders, gigantic-f*%$ing-spiders, and mummified Vikings await you on your quest to recover Thor's hammer, and they each present some form of challenge with their unique attack styles.

   As is series tradition by now, you have an unlimited supply of ammo for your standard handguns (though where she keeps all that ammo is a mystery that should probably remain unsolved), and you have the ability to pick a secondary weapon at the beginning of each level. To keep the animal rights nuts off your back, you could choose the tranquilizer gun and shoot sleepy-time darts at the sharks and tigers, but for the rest of us who enjoy a little fun, you can also swim or run right up to them and stick grenades to their backs. Ka-boom! Still, the game's rated Teen, so don't expect any shark fin soup when you get back to Croft Manor - the dead animals just continue to lay (or float) where they were slain. In a testament to the graphical upgrades present in Underworld, though, the dead creatures no longer just fade away and become one with the Force; they actually stick around, and when you come back later on your Treasure Hunt you'll still see carcasses and skulls laying where you left them. Just like in grandma's basement.

   The targeting style is a combination of the slow-motion animations from each of the last two games. In Legend, Lara was able to jump off a foe in order to slow down time, allowing her an extra second or two to fire away at the baddie, while in Anniversary, you had to piss off an animal enough so it charged at you, allowing you to press one button and bring up a spinning reticle that eventually landed on the enemy's head, allowing for a quick, one-shot kill. Underworld's formula has you building up Lara's adrenaline, which gives you two options. If your adrenaline meter is not quite full, you can click the right stick and slow down time, giving you an extra moment to get out of harm's way. If the meter has filled completely, however, you can run up next to an enemy and press a button to bring a red reticle up on the side of the screen that you must drag to the opponent's head (using the right stick), and then fire one more shot to kill the beast where it stands. It sounds confusing on paper, but once you dispatch a couple of baddies, you'll get the hang of it.

Hey, I think I love you.

   Lara Croft has always been a great video game companion. She looks great, can handle nearly any task thrown at her, knows how to ride a motorcycle, and looks great in a swimsuit. Her latest globe-spanning adventures provide hours of fun and good replayability, and the story is top-notch, especially for history or mythology buffs. If you enjoyed Legend's retelling of the King Arthur tale, you'll get a kick out of the search for Thor's hammer (which is named Mjolnir, so all you fellow Halo fiends out there can know where the armor gets its name). Good puzzles, great music, and amazing graphics are all to be found in Underworld. Now go get this game - you wouldn't want to keep Ms. Lara waiting, would you?

       ... Darthziggy