Those fireball urination implants were well worth it
The birth of Kentucky Fried Chicken
We didn't start the fire
I LAVA you...
How the West was blown
My name is Death, I'll be your waiter today
My re-enactment of the battle of Helm's Deep
I smell BBQ sauce...
Jenga!
Looky here, its a lunch bag with the face of a cat
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Oh Preschool Bully, I Finally Understand You! Remember back when you used to use building blocks to make block castles back in preschool? Those were the days, eh? No jobs, no homework, 8 square meals a day, nap time... Anyways, anyone would admit that the most fun part of building those block castles was throwing stuff at them to knock them down after it was complete. I'm sure we all also remember the preschool bully. The guy who drank everyone's juice boxes while he waited for them to make block castles so he could knock them down. Yeah, you remember him. If you still want to kick his ass he works at the Circle K down the block. Anyways, here is a man who always took all kinds of flak as a child. Why? Because he knocked down our block castles? No, because we were jealous. Jealous that he had found such an ingenious way to streamline the building-block-knocking-down industry. He sat back and let everyone else do all the hard work, and then he'd come in and kick it all in our faces. I still have a scar, you bastard.
And yet with all this hatred and loathing, deep down I wished I could be like him. The way he singlehandedly masterminded a way to have all the fun without the work. Truly genius. Again, he works at the Circle K, don't hold back.
Boom Blox Begs You: Be The Bully! (Minus the Revenge-seeking Mobs) While the preschool bully spends the rest of his life dodging people whose lives he made a living hell, you can still have a piece of his masterminded plan. No, don't go back to your old preschool, drink their juice boxes and kick their building blocks in their faces... That's generally frowned upon. Instead, try out Boom Blox. Part stress reliever, part terrorist training tool, Boom Blox delivers all the destructive euphoria your preschool bully experienced without the lifelong consequences and guilty conscience. The game essentially builds these block castles for you and says "please destroy this, we won't tell." And not only do they set it up for you, they hand you tools of destruction (ranging from baseballs and bowling balls to shotguns and nuclear warheads) and encourage you not only to destroy what they've created, but to do it in a creative fashion. After all, you don't want to disappoint the virtual crowd who showed up for the mayhem... whom you can also blow up.
101 Ways to Wreak Havoc
The main attraction of the game is the way it caters to the primal human attraction to chaos (don't bother to deny it, either. If a train crashed, assuming nobody was on board, you'd watch the whole thing yelling "Awesome! Did you see that?! It was like pchkow bchkchk whoomf!"), but what makes it a really fun game is all the different ways they let you exact your carnage. You start out throwing baseballs at blocks to try and knock down a few towers. You then graduate to bowling balls which are larger and heavier, making it easier to take out bigger structures. Once you've mastered the different ways to handle balls (tee-hee) they put a six-shooter in your hand and tell you to shoot monkeys. No really, they do. The game starts off all cutesy with cows flying across the sky, mooing gently as if they're jumping on a jumbo trampoline, then you knock down a few towers, and before you know it you're shooting monkeys. How could you... So you thought this game was for children, eh? Well it's supposed to be, it's rated E for Everyone, which should in theory include little Sarah-Jayne who just made a doodie in the potty for the first time today. Well if the ESRB wants little Sarah-Jayne to learn how to shoot monkeys with a revolver then that's their prerogative. I'm not here to pass judgment. Oh wait, yes I am... Darn you ESRB! Darn you all to heck!
Anyways, after you've shot up a barrel full of monkeys you can then move on to rescuing the Mitten Kittens. These cute, fluffy, box-shaped kittens were out trick-or-treating. They didn't expect to be attacked by armies of skeletons and grim reapers. Kittens ruthlessly slaughtered by the vicious slashings of a reaper's sickle. Again, I'm not kidding. I guess they got let off the hook since there's no blood or trails of intestines, but we would all fill in those blanks anyways, right?
Wherefore Art Thou Puzzles? Every other video game review site is calling this a puzzle game. Well it's not, and I'm not happy. Don't get me wrong, I had a blast playing this game, but I feel as though I've been lied to. If I had to fit it into a genre that's already been created I'd call it an Action Puzzle. Heavy on the action, not so much on the puzzle. However, GameLemon lets me create my own genres, so this isn't a problem. Thus Boom Blox and I have given birth to the new genre: Physics Engine With Frills (PEWF). When you really step back and look at Boom Blox, that's really all it is, but every new genre has to be created somehow, and all it takes is for someone to think outside the "Blox"! Heh heh... heh. Feel free to pity-laugh any time guys.
The game really cashes in on the fact that it's pure fun to blow things up, but it fails to provide any truly mind-bending puzzles. There's almost always one place you can throw your baseball to complete the level in one throw, but it's always so obvious that there's never really a mental challenge. The closest the game ever gets to being a puzzle game is when you have to clear a path for a gorilla mommy to get to her gorilla babies. Aww, sad face. Gameplay-wise, this was a great idea and many really challenging levels could have presented themselves here... but didn't, with the game opting to remain a PEWF through and through. Boom Blox certainly makes up for its lack of puzzle-ness with the testosterone fueled destruction, but if there's a sequel in the cards, this is the one thing the developers could expand upon to make the game brilliant.
Let's Go Over To Matt's House, He Has Boom Blox And I Find That Very Arousing Okay, so maybe the ladies won't start drooling all over you just because you bought a new video game, but I've found that people of all ages and genders seem to love Boom Blox. The fact that Boom Blox is a great game to play with friends only increases your chances of scoring... scoring points, of course. There are several multiplayer modes that allow you to play alongside or against your friends. The competitive modes are particularly fun, such as trying to knock the most blocks off a tower, or attacking each others' castles to expose their precious gems! Which they no doubt collected through unfair taxation of peasants with barely an income to speak of anyways. Granted, you got your hordes of precious gems in the same fashion, but I'm sure you had better reasons.
The only thing I don't like about Boom Blox's multiplayer is the fact that the game isn't completely intuitive. It's very quick and easy to learn to play, but there are so many different kinds of Blox and they all have very specific and important uses. It pretty much forces everyone who wants to even try the game to play through the tutorial. Now, the tutorial only takes about 15-30 minutes to complete, but let me warn you that a lot of people who don't really play many video games will be turned away by this. It's not their fault they're impatient, of course; we weren't all raised on video games. Us old-school gaming stalwarts have lost countless lives to pixilated bosses, so we understand that it takes time to master a video game. But a lot of non-gamers will play the first few levels of the tutorial and give up before giving it a real, valiant effort. Don't be angry with them, they'll learn in time.
That Last Level Was Too Hard, I'm Gonna Delete All The Bad Guys One of my favorite features of Boom Blox is its nifty level editor, included right within the game. It's a little hard to use, but the short tutorial videos they give you pretty much show you everything you'll need to know to create complex cute-critter-killing contraptions. You can also open up levels from the actual game and change them to your liking. The controls for the level editor are a little difficult to master, and getting the perfect piece in the perfect spot can be time-consuming, but in the end you can make professionally polished levels, complete with wooden background props. To speed up the process you are provided with a number of prefabs so you can quickly populate your level with structures to raze. You can also pick your own rules and make multiplayer levels for you and your friends to tear apart. Nothing like a good, old-fashioned team bombing of a village full of gorilla babies. Me? Sadistic? That's just a simple example of what's possible in Boom Blox my friend.
Speaking of friends, you're also able to send your custom levels to your Wii friends using their friend number. Unfortunately, there's no way to open your creations to the general public, so that one guy you always beat at Smash Bros who lives in Connecticut will just have to cry himself to sleep without your Boom Blox levels.
Quirky But Perky It's not my fault! Quirky is a hard word to rhyme with! Jerkey? Turkey?
Anyway, the game has its oddities and turnoffs, but overall it's a blast to play and you'll keep coming back for more. The sheer volume of levels (over 300) is enough to get your money's worth. Add on the fact that you can make your own levels and you've got yourself an endless supply of monkey shooting, kitten slaughtering enjoyment. Remember that old Battletanx commercial with the Downy bear? Good times for everyone!
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Matt Pearce
I like this whole idea of creating game genres. We must put some more thought into this, haha! Great review, dude.
On Tue, Jul 22, 2008, 09:33 PM Darthziggy said:
Wow, totally forgot what I was going to ask before: Are there any shooting stars in the game? (Spielberg fans should get that one, but honestly I'm curious.)
On Tue, Jul 22, 2008, 09:54 PM Matt Pearce said:
I don't recall any shooting stars... but the main menu is populated with shooting cows. Close enough?
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Summary: A physics engine. No really, that's it. Oh, and explosives.
Already played it? Trade it for another game at
Systems: Wii
Genre: PEWF (Physics Engine With Frills)
Setting: Medieval Sheep Land, and a Live Monkey Shooting Gallery.
Mood: Light hearted and goofy... except when kittens get slaughtered by the grim reaper and infant gorillas are kidnapped by tiki men and thrown into volcanoes.
Story: Everything from harvesting precious gemstones to saving cow villages from a gang of monkey evildoers.
Graphics: The graphics are simple but it fits the overall style of the game. Simple.
Music/Sound: Think of The Sims music but add beatboxing.
Voice Acting: Some cute giggly noises, no drama classes necessary.
Script/Dialog: A few longwinded nursery rhymes pretty much make up the script.
Similar Games: Nothing else like it yet. I'm sure this kind of game will become more popular.
Gameplay: It's pretty much a physics engine with baseballs. It's very easy to grasp, yet the game becomes astonishingly difficult as you progress.
Strengths: A unique look at the possible future of casual party games. The single player modes will hook you, and the unbelievable multiplayer will ensure that your friends always pick your house for the party.
Weaknesses: They only scratched the surface compared to what they could've done with this game. Where are the mind-bending puzzles? Where are the awesome cutscenes? Where are the opposing armies? The game was designed with young children in mind, but what about the rest of us who want to blow up structures that vaguely resemble buildings?
Depth: About as deep as my wallet. So... NOT deep. But this kind of game doesn't always need depth.
Length: It all depends on how long it takes you to find the best place to attack the structures. The single player can be completed in about 5 hours, but if you want all gold medals expect to be playing for days to weeks.
Pace: Very fast if you'll settle for less than gold medals.
Difficulty: Easy once you get past the tutorial. It gets much harder in the advanced levels, though.
Control: The use of the Wiimote feels very natural. You only need 1 or 2 buttons so it doesn't take any time to acquaint yourself with the controls.
Learning Curve: 15-30 minutes, depends on how quickly you master the physics.
Replayability: Once you get a gold medal on the single player levels you'll probably be done with them, but the multiplayer is great for parties. You'll probably be playing it with your siblings in a nursing home.
Will keep you up until (a.k.a Fun
Factor): 1:00am. Late enough that you feel sleepy before naptime the next day, but not so late that you'll miss your bus. Don't forget your lunchbox!
Notable Features: Great Wiimote usage, easy to learn, tough to master.
Fav. Character: Zero Bandito. You've stolen my heart, you thieving bastard of a raccoon.
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