Time to put away all your useless Wii stuff (SSBB excluded for those of you who enjoy that sort of thing) - Mario's back with the latest incarnation of the driving franchise that launched a thousand shells... and broke a few hundred friendships when those shells connected right before the finish line. Say hello to Mario Kart Wii.

   But wait. Are you worried? You think this once amazing game series is on its way to a permanent pit stop? Forget that thought. Despite silly ideas in several previous installments - the two-player karts behind Double Dash and the really annoying boosts on the DS, to name a few - Mario Kart Wii brings the series right back to its multiplayer-tastic roots and manages to expand in ways that only make the game better. This is by far the best installment since the N64 version, which I'm still hesitant to remove from the top spot because it's just so damn fun - but this one comes awful close.

Excuse me, sir. I think this car's missing some wheels.

   The typical range of karts is back, with each character being assigned several design choices that have different speed and drift ratings. They all handle pretty well, and as you play you'll find one or two that suit you best depending on what kind of course you're on.

   One big change you will notice right away is the inclusion of motorcycles into the mix. While this may have some purists shaving their heads and walking the streets with automatic weapons, rest assured that the bikes add a great deal of variety to the gameplay and controls. As they are only available in 100cc or 150cc races offline (with 50cc being reserved exclusively for karts), the bikes add a different kind of challenge to the races, and allow for tighter turns and the option to pop wheelies for temporary speed boosts. How do you perform these wheelies, you ask? By shaking the Wii Wheel, of course.

Maaaah! I think that thing just gave me road rash!

Did Toad just do a backflip?

   As mentioned, you can shake the Wii Wheel (or press one of the buttons on your preferred controller) to execute wheelies. But the fun doesn't stop there. Each of the tracks in MK Wii features plenty of ramps, hills, and edges from which you can jump, sightsee, or bloody well hang yourself, and if your timing is right on the jumps, you can perform tricks in the air to earn a quick speed burst upon landing. It's a good way to catch up if you're trailing behind, or to leave your opponents in the dust as you fly toward the finish line. Plus, the animations are pretty cool.

   There are plenty of other boosts along the course as well, providing ample opportunity for a comeback if you happen to fall behind early. As in previous MKs, you can also get a quick boost off the starting line if your timing it right, and combining these with the aforementioned wheelies or the traditional mushrooms will give you a recipe for success (and a nice afternoon high).

Bananas and shells and mushrooms, oh my!

   Of course, it wouldn't be a Mario Kart game without plenty of items and weapons with which to cause major havoc on your friends. Series staples like red and green shells, the still-useless banana peels, and fake item blocks return, but new to the mix are the Bullet Bill item, which allows a driver to go from the back of the pack all the way to the front almost instantaneously, and the Lightning Cloud, a double edged sword kind of weapon, which shrinks whoever holds it, but gives the ability to bump any other racer and transfer the cloud to that poor sucker.

   As always, it's a mix of strategy and pure luck: you can hold those mushrooms right until the end if you want, but if someone gets a blue shell and bombs you right before the finish line, they are not going to mean squat. One downside to playing with the Wheel (that I figured out the hard way) is that you can't hold onto an item and keep it floating behind your kart or bike as you can with the other controllers. It may be just a glitch, but it's one more reason to stick with a more traditional control scheme when playing against serious competition (or when you really want to stick it to your little brother).

Silent but deadly.

   In yet another leap forward for the franchise, you're no longer limited to four-player in-house contests to get your multiplayer fix. You can now go online and duke it out with friends or random drivers for Mario Kart supremacy. The online system supports up to 12 players (10 if one of the players is really fat), making for some hectic and frenzied action, especially on the older, smaller courses. Unfortunately, voice chat is still not enabled, as Nintendo is apparently not very hard at work on allowing people to interact outside of having their Miis smile toothlessly at each other in the pre-race lobby. It's a small gripe, but I sure would have loved to hear the anger from my fellow competitors after I proceeded to complete not one, but two last-second comebacks in consecutive online matches. Not that I'm bragging or anything. They were just a little amazing. But I digress...

Taking the scenic route, are we?

   Perhaps the next most impressive new feature after the introduction of the bikes is the inclusion of 32 tracks - 16 new and 16 redesigned classics. Some of the oldies are a blast to play again, like the penguin-filled ice course from MK 64, while others are just thrown in there to fill out the necessary four-course circuits. The new tracks are the real stars, since they were obviously designed with the new driving abilities in mind. Jumps and boosts are found all over the place, and there are plenty of new tricks to be found throughout. There's even a new version of the Rainbow Road, meaning more headaches, vomit, and unnecessary falling into the oblivion of space than you ever needed.

   Not all of the tracks are open from the start - you have to earn your shot at mastering the multicolored nauseating mayhem that is Rainbow Road on the Wii. Play through the courses enough and you can get the Mirror challenge, forcing you to play through the tracks backwards. Also, there are only 12 racers available from the start, with more to be unlocked as you prove your kart and bike mastery against the computer. Several new rides are unlockable for each character, and you can even gain the option to play as your Mii (try not to wet yourself in the excitement). Some of it is cool, some is just excess, but it all adds up to give you good replay value for your $50.

Get behind the wheel already!

   If you own a Wii, chances are you're a fan of Nintendo. That said, you probably already love Mario Kart in its various other incarnations. If that's the case, there's really no reason not to get MK Wii. Newcomers to the series will enjoy the great cartoony graphics and catchy music that just always seems to fit (one of the series' strongpoints), and veterans will appreciate the new challenges of unlocking all the characters and mastering the motorcycles. MK Wii is a very solid addition to the franchise.

       ... Darthziggy