Energy Bonbons! Jellies and rock-mask-faced thingies and giant cow-shaped balloons trying to kill you! Comfortable travel between domed-in zones of a once peaceful world... now in turmoil!

   Welcome to the world of Opoona. Okay, so it's not all thrown at you in such violent, summer blockbuster fashion as all those exclamation points might suggest, but the game is definitely out there. Through it all, though, Koei is able to maintain a childish wonderment that makes this trip fairly enjoyable for hardcore gamers and potential newbies alike.

"A long time ago, but somehow in the future..." (thank you, Family Guy!)

   ...you're tasked with controlling the titular Opoona. And what on Earth is an Opoona, might you ask? Well, it's certainly nothing on Earth, that's for sure. Rather, Opoona is a chubby little Tizian (that's fancy talk for "space dude") with an Energy Bonbon floating above his head. Not only that, but his space ship is attacked by an unknown entity just as he, his parents and siblings are arriving at their vacation destination! Rather than wait for the ship to explode, the brave family heads for the escape pods and jettisons toward the nearby planet of Landroll. After this rather clumsy, uh, landfall on Landroll (the translation team went all out on this one - and that's just the beginning!), Opoona realizes that he's been unconscious for several days. He finally gets off his lazy behind and tries to find out where the rest of his family has gone. Luckily, he meets a very nice robotic concierge who accompanies him and fills him in on the situation, the short version of which goes something like this: Momeena and Dadeena are in the hospital, hurting, but alive; little brother Copoona is fine but somewhere else; and little sis Poleena is also fine, but we're not going to tell you where she is right now because you haven't paid your parking tickets. Being the good boy that he is, Opoona sets out across the planet to re-unite with his family.

   This storybook-perfect start to an adventure-filled family vacation is presented in typical RPG format, which is to say, text-HEAVY. No CGI cutscenes here, just lots and lots of reading, - and re-reading when you accidentally hit the wrong button while standing next to someone. It fits in with the family-friendly nature of the Wii, at least: grandma can try out her new lens prescription, the kids can learn new words, and the 18-50 crowd can finally get to use all the picture-in-picture features of their TV.

License and registration, Mr. Chicken Chaser!

I know kung fu

   While there's no steroid-laced, Matrix-like ass-kicking going on in Opoona, the action does start early on and keep you hooked, with Opoona's Energy Bonbon serving as his primary weapon. Again, as this is an RPG of sorts, the action is more turn based as opposed to straight up action/adventure style. Now, while I'm not the biggest RPG fan alive - and by that I mean the last game that might be considered an RPG that I actually liked was Crystalis for the NES - I must contend that the battle system in Opoona works quite smoothly. All of the game's actions can be performed using just the nunchuck, which is both awkward and very cool at the same time. Personally, I'm so used to holding the Wii remote and nunchuck combo in the standard fashion that I found it difficult to just hold the nunchuck alone and therefore had to hold both - but the fighting is done solely with the analog stick and the C and Z buttons. There is also a configuration for the Classic Controller, but it's mostly good for causing about 3 minutes of fun-filled confusion before you go back to the default.

   The battles themselves are semi-turn-based, allowing the player to choose which enemies Opoona targets and determine how hard to throw the Energy Bonbon at said bad guys. You can even alter the direction of attack by moving the stick in a particular direction before releasing the Bonbon, allowing you to go for certain enemies first or use "curve ball" type throws to avoid hazards such as bombs that can hurt you instead of those you're attacking. I say "semi-turn-based" because the enemies can swoop in for the attack at any given moment, sometimes making your Bonbon shots miss their mark. This can be frustrating at first, and getting the timing down requires at least a few battles, but once you find the right rhythm, you sort of get into a groove and begin dispatching nasties with ease. You can also use power-ups and items to regain health or inflict more damage during the fight, and there are plenty of foods and beverages that allow you to recuperate once the battle is finished.

   The enemies come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and have appropriately silly names. A bird-looking thing with a screw for a tail, for instance, is called a Screwfly, while a green gelatinous substance that can poison you is known as a Bubble. Jellies, Masks, Xtrees (yes, they look like small Christmas trees), and others round out the roster of rottens that you must reduce to rubble while roaming this RPG (phew, alliteration is exhausting!).

So you can fight, kid. What else have you got?

   Opoona has been billed as a "Lifestyle RPG" by publisher Koei. While the real meaning of this nebulous term is known only to Koei, the practical implication is that there's plenty to keep you occupied in this story besides combat, including food service, fishing, rock breaking, farming, and more. I know, fishing's not really fun unless you're wasted or playing Twilight Princess (or both!), but Opoona actually manages to give it a new twist: instead of going the traditional, motion-controlled mini-game route, you're sent into another battle of sorts, where instead of controlling Opoona, you control the fishing rod, and when the fish attack, they take hit points away from your bait. Lose all the bait, and the fish escape. Hit the fish enough times with the bait, and they're yours for the taking. It's just a crazy enough mix of frustration and enthusiasm to keep you from giving up completely after you fail. The food service jobs are among the most fun early on, but maybe that's just because I used to bartend and wait tables, and like seeing how well my memory has held up without having to write down each order before retrieving it (fyi: not very well).

   All of these tasks provide Opoona with increased stats in key life categories like arts, fame, and, the perennial favorite, love. They also provide him with more friends, making your journey easier as you'll have more people to assist you and guide you on your way. Sometimes it takes a little while before you figure out exactly HOW to use those guiding words (leading to more frustration), but when you finally realize what the heck is going on and get the Bonbon rolling once more, the pace picks back up and the game becomes quite enjoyable.

What a wonderful(ly generic) world

   The planet Landroll is a big, widespread place. At least, that's what all the text leads you to believe. In reality, most of it looks pretty much the same from zone to zone, with the occasional color differences and music changes letting you know that you're supposed to be experiencing something new. The backgrounds during fights are determined by which area you're in, but within each zone they remain the same whether you're on a bridge, near some rocks, or taking a quick bathroom break from battle while admiring the view of a vast, blue desert. The music is appropriately bubble-gummy with a light techno element, apparently trying to give you the idea that yes, this is the future you're witnessing, and it's a fun and happy time! Or something like that.

   Opoona himself, despite being a chubby dude with a ball over his head, is actually kind of cute, and that fits in with this game's "RPG for everyone" feel. I was a bit confused as to why he smiles when standing still, but takes on a scowl every time he begins running, no matter where he's heading. You'd think he'd be happier, even though he's being forced to work... and not enjoying his vacation... and his parents are in a hospital he can't visit... and his sister is missing... and there are evil forces trying to kill him. Okay, maybe the scowl makes sense.

   The rest of the major characters are varied enough to stand out in your memory as you wander the various locales of Landroll, but the everyday citizens who make up the rest of the world are plain and repetitive - there are only a handful of character models that were used. Again, this wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for another chink in the armor that accompanies this minor flaw - the different levels and areas inside the domes of Landroll all look nearly identical. Sure, there are shops and different license-specific areas that are locked until you achieve the proper status, but with the same types of elevators, same people, and same basic scenery, it can be difficult at times to keep track of where you need to go.

Go ahead, shake your Bonbon.

   All that being said, Opoona is quite enjoyable overall. Sure, it has some quirks and flaws, but not everything can be Halo or Zelda. The action is fluid and easy to grasp, the story features a few twists on some typical fare, and the gameplay is simple and intuitive (rats, almost made it through a Wii review without using that word!). If you like your games with a heavy dose of reading and some Twinkie-eating Jedi wannabes, this one's definitely worth a look.

       ... Darthziggy