These days Castlevania games play out like gothic Metroids, featuring delicate looking bishonen types hacking their way through sprawling castles with a mixture of elegant swordsmanship and plenty of angsty whining. There are elaborate narratives, RPG-like leveling and equipment management, and sweeping orchestral scores that make the games feel more like regal Victorian balls than gruesome battles against hordes of the undead. But things weren't always this way. No, things weren't this way at all. Back in the heyday of the NES, Castlevania heroes were squat, ugly, and moved like a remote controlled boat in a bathtub full of molasses. Those days, whenever Dracula was feeling uppity, Simon Belmont or one of his other, equally filthy kinsmen would strap on some battered leather armor, crawl out of their squalid peasant hovels, and go stomping through the evil Count's castle with nothing but an awkward whip, a stench that could kill a man at ten paces, and the boundless gumption that only an acute lack of education and centuries of poor breeding can provide. There wasn't any exploring. There weren't any stories. Some elitist vampire was being a jerk, so it was up to the local vampire hunters to beat his ass back into line as quickly as possible so they could return home in time to milk the cows.

   On one end of the spectrum you have tough, brute barbarians who make a beeline charge for Dracula's throne, bludgeoning monsters to death and scowling grimly, and on the other end you have effete young men swishing about through a labyrinthine complex of interconnected rooms, pureeing demons into a fine paste, and moaning about the iniquities of life. Comparing where Castlevania came from to where it is now, it hardly seems like the same series. Of course that's because we here in the U.S. missed out on the transitional game. Dracula X: Rondo of Blood came out for the Japanese PC Engine back in 1993, and in many ways it bridges the gap between the two worlds. Many have hailed it as the greatest Castlevania of all time, bemoaning its lack of a U.S. release. Well, now they can finally shut the hell up and go back to ogling underage anime girls on bootleg DVDs in their parents' basements, because this Dracula-killing goodness has finally reached our shores.

Some things are worth the wait.

   While there are actually several games in the Dracula X Chronicles, a ground-up remake of Rondo of Blood constitutes the meat and potatoes of the package. And I do so enjoy some good meat and potatoes. In Rondo, Richter Belmont, heir to the vampire-hunting Belmont clan and its enchanted whip, Vampire Killer, stages an assault on Dracula's castle to rescue his fiancée and several other women who were captured during a raid on Richter's home village by the forces of darkness. Clearly, the boy is thinking "harem". And though the graphics may have been updated into the 2.5D style put to good use by Capcom in their recent remakes of Mega Man and Ghosts 'n Goblins, the gameplay is still old-school Castlevania. Richter must progress through a series of peril-filled stages, each more perilous than the last, on his way to the final showdown with the head vampire himself, and all he has at his disposal are his whip and the handful of classic Castlevania expendable sub-weapons (i.e. knife, axe, cross, giant marital aid, etc.) he can find along the way. The levels are filled with tried-and-true elements of any quality platformer such as various monsters that must be slain, pits that must be leapt, and traps that must be avoided. Each level ends with a battle against a typically massive boss whose attacks the player must memorize in order to defeat. Anyone who has played a platform game in the last two decades (can you really call yourself a gamer if you haven't?) should feel right at home, particularly since the levels are so well designed.

   Of course there are some holdovers from past Castlevanias that might not seem so "classic." Richter shuffles along at a pace that might feel sluggish to those weaned on more recent Castlevania titles, and he's nowhere near as maneuverable as many other action heroes. You can't control his jumps in mid-air, so misjudged leaps will almost always end in a screaming plunge into oblivion (you must do your own screaming). Also, in standard Castlevania fashion, the player has to push up or down to ascend and descend stairs respectively. Neglecting to do so will likely result in stepping over the edge of platforms and once again plummeting to an untimely (and stupid looking) demise. Some may find these mechanics frustrating (weenies), but the game is designed around them to create a more tactical platformer. Few enemies in Rondo move very quickly, so level progression depends less on careening through areas as fast as possible and more on carefully and methodically planning out each attack and jump, because once you've committed yourself to an action there really isn't much you can do if you suddenly realize it puts you in harm's way. Well, aside from cry and maybe pee a little bit. This game is undoubtedly hard, but with a little practice and strategizing, it's certainly doable. Kinda like that sorta-hot produce girl at the supermarket.

One more peep out of you ghouls and I'll turn this Victorian monster-slayer right around!

Never have blasts of hellfire and the shrieks of the damned looked and sounded so good, respectively.

   As I mentioned earlier, this game uses the same 2.5D visuals that we've seen in the likes of New Super Mario Bros. and Mega Man Powered Up, and it looks just as nice here as it did in those games. For those who are unfamiliar, basically the game takes place on a 2D plane, but all the environments and characters are modeled in 3D, thus giving the appearance of added depth. It really does look quite impressive, and it gives Dracula's castle a feeling of expansiveness that encourages exploration. The only problem with this, and this is something almost all games that use this technique run into, is that it sometimes makes the screen look too busy, thus confusing the player in regards to what moving objects can injure him. Nothing sucks more than getting knocked into a pit by something that looked like it was part of the background. Well, I guess it wouldn't suck as much as getting chained to the back of a car and road-hauled across the U.S. by Steven Seagal, which itself wouldn't suck as much as getting chained to the back of a car and road-hauled across the U.S. by a guy that only looked like Steven Seagal. While it's a pretty minor problem, it nevertheless feels like something that should be addressed if developers are going to continue to utilize this style (which they totally should).

   And it just wouldn't be a Castlevania game without fantastic music, now would it? As one would expect, Rondo is filled with top quality tunes. However, they aren't the more somber, atmospheric pieces you'd hear in more recent titles. Instead they are the blood-pounding, butt-rocking beats you'd customarily hear in older series installments (and honestly, who doesn't love a good butt-rocking?). These are the types of songs you wouldn't be ashamed to have blasting out of your car as you pulled up alongside a pickup truck full of bandana-wearing gang bangers blasting 50 Cent. In fact if you turned, made eye contact with the driver and nodded your head at him knowingly, he might even nod back. That or shoot you in the face and set your car ablaze in the middle of the street.

Unfortunately for all you Yaoi-loving ladies, the X is only there to look cool.

   While the Rondo remake is a fantastic game that could easily have been sold on its own, recent Castlevania helmsman Koji Igarashi is a man who knows what fans want and loves them all the more for it. Recognizing that many Castlevania fans are purists (i.e. "losers") who might threaten to murder him for what they perceive as tampering with a classic by remaking it using accursed polygons, the original PC-Engine Rondo of Blood has been included as an unlockable extra. Preserved in all its 16-bit, sprite-filled glory, the original Rondo is obviously quite similar gameplay-wise to its remake. While I'm not sure I would consider it the greatest Castlevania, it's easy to see how the dynamic level layouts and intricately detailed, smoothly animated sprites could wow the masses back in '93. It holds up remarkably well, and anyone who's a fan of previous Castlevania titles should really appreciate this one. And hey, it's got a handful of unbelievably cheesy anime cut scenes! What more could you want?

   To sweeten the deal even further (as if it needed further sweetening), the original Playstation version of Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, perhaps the finest 2D action game of all time, has also been included on this mighty UMD of wonderment (wow, who would've thought "mighty" and "UMD" would ever go together?). If you will kindly consult my mini-bio in the About GameLemon section, Symphony of the Night is my favorite game ever. You control Dracula's son, the sword-wielding Alucard, as he attempts to prevent his father's revival after Richter defeats him at the end of Rondo of Blood (Oh! Spoiler!). You explore Dracula's castle with Metroid-like freedom, slaying huge bosses and acquiring items that allow access to more areas. In an effort to not sound like a gushing fanboy, I will simply say that Symphony is better than a million Christmases combined with a bikini slumber party with every woman (or man, I suppose) you've ever been attracted to.

I do so love the neck biting and the blood drinking!

   This is a seriously fantastic deal for Castlevania fans, and the closest we've gotten to a decent Castlevania collection. If you like Castlevania and you own a PSP, you probably already own this game. If not, you should go get it. Do it! Do it now!

       ... Mike Zeller