No, that's not a typo. You see, the RPG genre is a mess. A mostly dull mess, I might add, one where any particular game is very likely to be either Japanese, made for emos, or, just downright bad. Or, of course, any combination of the 3. Don't get me wrong, I love Japan, and emos may save the world, but as far as RPGs are concerned, this state of events make things a little boring, frankly. That's why it's such a major event when an original, powerful and inspiring game like Knights of the Old Republic suddenly drops onto the field. Not only did it feature a deep combat system and interesting story, but it allowed you to control the destiny of your character through good and evil actions. Sure, you could be a virtuous Jedi who oozes benevolence and saves the galaxy, but you could also institute your own reign of terror and even command one of your squad mates to kill his best friend. That's awesome! And while the Star Wars well may have run dry, Bioware isn't done making great games. And so, my friends, it is time to welcome another rare entrant into the exclusive club of top quality RPGs. It's name? Mass Effect! So if you can spell at all, please write to your congressman to designate November 20th as Mass Effect Day. Hell, write to Hillary Clinton and promise you'll vote for her in return! Then go ahead and vote for Obama anyway. That ought to show her :)

Galactic Peace? What a Stupid Idea!

   The star of this space opera is the rough and tumble space marine Master Chief, er... I mean, Commander Shepard. I'd love to tell you all about the good Commander, but I can't. That's because you create every aspect of the character from scratch. You pick the eyes, hair, scars, even the gender of our hero, not to mention his (or her) backstory and even a sort of psychological profile. You can choose to be a lifelong service member, a war hero, the sole survivor of an alien attack, or even a ruthless mercenary. Really, it's all up to you, so go nuts kid.

   Oh boo-hoo, you say, so what, I could do that in Oblivion. True enough. In fact, Oblivion probably let you go even more nuts - you could spend six hours with that character creation toolkit before even entering the game proper. But then Oblivion is also a very different kind of game. You see, in Oblivion, you really could be anybody. Things made sense that way. By contrast, in Mass Effect, despite all that customization, you are still, paradoxically, Commander Shepard. You are still part of a very tightly knit story, and your background and character traits are woven into the fabric of the game in a way that feels extremely personal. Yet your character customization choices are far from insignificant. Suffice it to say that if you choose to play as a female, you may at some point in the game find yourself in a sexual relationship with another female, which will make for a very different kind of experience that the one you might get with a male Commander. Sure, go ahead, take a few seconds to fantasize about that. We'll wait. Kleenex?

Time to Save the World. Wait, No, Let's Save ALL the Worlds!

Over 10,000 Planets in the Solar System, and Not a Single One of Them Has a Rest Stop

   Early into your adventure you'll gain access to a kickass space ship, the Normandy, and once you do, you'll be able to travel all over the galaxy seeking out new planets and tackling missions. At this point, the game becomes an interstellar sandbox, giving you the freedom to go pretty much anywhere, whenever you want. Your assignments (and there are plenty) are conveniently divided into those that have to do with the main story arc, and those that make up various side missions and random acts of volunteerism that you might have gotten yourself into along the way (you may be able to write these off on your tax returns, so pay attention!) The galaxy is chock full of people (and aliens!) doing all sorts of things, with all kinds of agendas, and most of them don't mind letting you lend them a hand if you so desire. The amount of freedom you have rivals that of games like Oblivion, and there's always something to do in the Mass Effect universe.

   One of the most impressive aspects of the game is the branching conversation tree. The game has over 20,000 recorded lines of dialogue, and every conversation feels organic and natural. Whenever you engage another character in conversation, a small wheel will occasionally appear with a number of conversation options on it. Some choices are earnest and compassionate, while others may be snide and sarcastic. The flow of the conversation will often dictate your relationship with other characters, and seemingly insignificant decisions can have big consequences down the line. With all the conversation you feel like you truly get to know the characters and how to interact with them. Some NPCs will only respond to kindness and flattery, still others require threats and intimidation before they'll sing. If you think your girlfriend seems chatty, just wait until you get into some of Mass Effect's more philosophical discussions. To top it off, dialog options can be further effected by your Intimidate and Charm skill levels. Contributing points to these skills will open up additional dialog options that may not have been available before (you'll know they are the fruit of your hard earned skill points by their different color). Wanna really tell off an uncooperative NPC? Invest in Intimidate and watch his spine shatter under the weight of your verbal slander!

Enemy Over There, Shoot Him. No, Not That One, the Other One. No... No, What Are You Doing? Why Are You Staring at Me While You're Getting Shot in the Back?

   While Mass Effect has a terrific story and a seemingly infinite number of conversation options, apparently the development team started to run low on Red Bull when it came to programming the combat and AI. All combat is firearms-based and in real-time (though the battles can be paused to let you use "biotics", which are Mass Effect's version of the Force), so technically the game more closely resembles Gears of War than a traditional sword and sorcery RPG. In reality, however, it feels a lot more like KOTOR with the pauses between turns simply removed. The amazing combat atmosphere of Gears of War where you feel like you are fighting for your life just about every second of the game is largely missing; instead, combat often seems lazy and primitively mechanical, and character movement lacks the agility and smoothness that are a must for any serious tactical shooter.

   Although on paper the Mass Effect combat system presents a number of exciting possibilities (in addition to biotics you can also throw grenades, issue commands to your squad mates, and seek cover behind objects a la Gears of War), in reality it's very difficult to develop effective combat strategies. In addition to your main character, you are also indirectly responsible for guiding the actions of up to two teammates. The main problem is, a lot of the time these characters are about as helpful during combat as an untrained Puggle, and they require nearly constant babysitting. Even better, even if you do tell them exactly what to do and which enemy to attack, you'll still likely find them wandering out into the open and shooting at the box the bad guy is hiding behind rather than the target itself. All I can think is that your teammates were crate trained as children because they clearly never figured out potty training, and are now taking out their frustrations on whatever inanimate object brings back those horrible, suppressed memories. In the end, the only real viable combat tactic is to pretend they are not there at all, which means you should be playing the role of the main tank in all combat situations. So for your sake, I hope you aren't one of those guys who likes to stay in the back and pick flowers between occasional buffs and healing spells.

   Fortunately for you (and unfortunately for the game) enemy AI isn't much better, as enemies mostly choose to run straight at your party guns blazing in some sort of jihad, suicide bomber attack strategy. What's worse, with the exception of the bosses, you don't really see biotics used against you in combat, so while you are tossing foes up in the air, disrupting their shields, throwing them against walls, and making fun of their mothers, their only response is to put up an occasional barrier shield. Needless to say, this leaves them pretty underpowered.

There, there, don't cry, I'll make it a C PLUS.

   Having said all that, I must also contend that combat in Mass Effect is by no means completely joyless. Gears of War it's not, but you will definitely have some satisfying moments loading your opponents full of slugs and (especially) using your biotic powers. Imagine lifting a 300 pound armored Krogan warlord (they are as mean as they sound) up into the air like a baby and pumping him full of lead from your trusty shotgun as he wriggles helplessly before your eyes. Or transforming your shotgun blast into something more akin to a tank-launched projectile, and sending it forth to meet an overpowered and over-armored, but clearly naïve enemy. Yes, though your enemies are wusses, the Force is still with you, and that means Mr. Fun hasn't left the building quite yet.

   The game also deserves commendation for its terrific set of weapon, armor, ammo and item upgrades. Shotguns, pistols, sniper rifles and assault rifles comprise the four main weapon classes, and upgrades for each abound. Each weapon has damage, rate of fire, and accuracy characteristics, and can be further modded out with various tech and ammo upgrades. Want more damage from your rifle? Install a Rail Extension upgrade and boost damage at some cost to accuracy. Compensate that with a Kinetic Stabilizer installed in the second slot, equip some toxic Polonium Rounds in the third, and you've got one mean tool of destruction, smoking and ready to go! Armor can be similarly outfitted to automatically recharge shields, boost mobility, auto-recover health, cure erectile dysfunction, and anything in between. With all the mods and the huge assortment of different armor, ammo and weapons, the possibilities for equipping your team are nearly endless. What's more, you can even control the types of items that appear in your spaceship's shop by searching out and buying vendor licenses whenever you are out and about shooting things on various planets. The more licenses you bring back, the more extensive the collection of merchandise in your ship's shop will become.

Is that a bug? No, it's a buggy!

   In addition to face-to-face combat, you'll also find yourself attacking enemies from an armored buggy called the Mako. This thing is part lunar rover and part Panzer, with your time in it being split between exploration and combat. The Mako can climb all but the most sheer cliff faces, and falling down a 500 foot mountain really does absolutely no damage to the thing, so feel free to drive it after you've had a few beers. It's nearly indestructible (by natural forces, anyway), and there are no cops hiding in lunar crevices waiting to write you a ticket.

   While the Mako is a cool idea, driving and combat proves to be far more difficult than necessary. The left control stick controls movement, and the right stick swivels the turret on top. Unfortunately, the controls are always oriented in regards to which way the turret is pointing, so trying to drive and fire at the same time often leads to you firmly wedging yourself up against a rock, helplessly spinning your wheels while enemies pound your poor little station wagon, whose only means of defense besides shields is "jumping" up in the air to avoid incoming missiles. Also, your turret can only hit enemies that are level with the Mako, so there's no way you can take advantage of high ground and fire down on foes, and you're pretty much helpless against enemies who are raining down fire from above you. The Mako is a necessary component of the game, as you will spend a lot of time exploring planets' surfaces; however, given how much time you are forced to spend in it, its implementation is sloppy at best.

Your Face Tells a Story, Your Ears Have Heard a Million Tales, and Your Body Is a Wonderland

   While the gameplay of Mass Effect is nothing to take note of, it is one of the more visually stunning games to grace the 360. There are numerous alien races populating the galaxy, and each of them has a distinct look and culture. The level of detail that goes into each species is simply astounding, and you'll likely spend a good amount of time completely missing what the other characters are saying because you're too busy examining every wrinkle and pore on their face.

   Sadly, all this detail comes at a price, as the title suffers from frame rate issues and overly-lengthy loading times. The game attempts to hide its loading screens in long elevator rides, but standing motionless inside a slow-moving box is almost worse than staring at an actual loading screen. If the game is going to subject you to these torturous loads, the least it could do is show a little respect and run smoothly the rest of the time. Unfortunately, that's not the case, as the game will often pause (albeit briefly) after you take a few steps so it can stop and load the environment. I wouldn't mind this so much if it only happened once or twice, but it's actually a quite common occurrence and it never gets any less annoying. Here's hoping that this is one of those issues that will be addressed in the sequels.

   Since there is so much conversation in Mass Effect, and since all of it is fully-voiced, it's important to have a top-notch voice cast. Thankfully, the actors all do a great job delivering their lines; their work is truly comparable to actors in a big-budget Hollywood blockbuster. Some of the best have lent their voices to Mass Effect, including fan favorites like Seth Green and Marina Sirtis (Councilor Troy from Star Trek).

   To complement the voice work, the game's soundtrack is reminiscent of those great, cheesy 80s sci-fi movies that decided the best way to create a "futuristic" vibe is to use a whole lot of synthesizer. The thing is, it fits so well that before long you can't imagine the game sounding any other way. In order to fully immerse yourself in the experience, I recommend you go put on a pair of spandex leggings and a piano key tie. Also, it helps to have a Cabbage Patch Kid and Lite Brite nearby.

After All This, I Love the Game Anyway. I'm Complicated Like That

   In spite of a few rather apparent faults, Mass Effect is still a game I would whole-heartedly recommend to any gaming fan, and downright force-feed to any adventure RPG lover. The story is incredibly deep and immersive, exploration and open-endedness aspects are awesome, and the conversation system and character detail are simply unparalleled. This is the first game of a planned trilogy, and if this is the jumping off point, the series has the potential to be one of the greatest of all time. All I can say is, if you don't play this game, you fail as a person, simple as that.

       ... Brad