Since my (not so) secret Pokémon obsession has already been well documented (see my Pokémon Mystery Dungeon review) I don't think there's any reason to discuss it again. Needless to say, though, I was greatly anticipating the release of these games. Now, I'm not going to say I was looking forward to them more than the Rapture, but ideally, when Jesus pulled up in the Heaven Bus, as I passed him my token he'd hand me a copy of Pokémon Diamond, wink, and say, "I choose you, Mike Zeller! ...For salvation!"

Take one down! Pass it around! 149 Pokémon on the wall!

   The newest Pokémon starts in pretty much an identical fashion to every Pokémon before it. Our young hero (or heroine if you chose the girl character) has reached that age where he's starting to find hair in places that there was no hair before. His mother, being the concerned parent that she is, decides to sit him down and have a frank, earnest discussion about the facts of life. No, wait! She doesn't do that! She sends him off on a lengthy quest to capture and train as many of his country's pokémon as he can get his grubby little hands on, and she hopes that everything else will sort itself out. Thanks Mom. Fortunately, just like in every other Pokémon game you have a handful of more responsible folks to help you along the way. These chaps include a professor who hooks you up with most of your technological doohickeys, a young woman with a system of computers you can use to store spare pokémon, your hyperactive best friend who constantly pushes you to improve (and by "improve" I mean "beat his ass"), and a handful of other goody-two-shoes. Of course if there are good guys there need to be bad guys too. Team Galactic fits the bill this time, but the creepy, cult-like behavior of their leaders makes them a bit more sinister than the more bumbling, goofy enemy teams from previous titles. It's sort of like fighting Skeletor when you've spent the past ten years battling Gargomele.

   But just like in hard-core pornographic films, nobody really cares about the story in a Pokémon game. For any of you who have been living under a rock on Mars with your eyes closed and your fingers in your ears, Pokémon games are all about catching and training pokémon. Pokémon are little, usually adorably cute critters that populate the game's world, and by wandering around in the field your character will have standard JRPG-style random encounters with wild pokémon. Your own enslaved pets will heroically leap to your defense and a battle will ensue. By wearing down a wild pokémon's hit points to the critical state and hurling an appropriate type of pokéball you can capture it. This not only adds its species' information to your pokédex, but it also adds the pokémon to your roster, allowing you to use it in any future battles. The game starts out with a hundred fifty different types of pokémon you can collect data on, but once you clear the story campaign, nearly three hundred fifty more become available. Needless to say, for the dedicated, this game can easily consume your entire life, assuming you had one to begin with.

Getting into the poké-groove.

A new poké-twist!

   But all this is pretty much what you'd expect from a pokémon game. What new content is there to be had? Well, for one, the graphics have been completely overhauled. While the characters are all still squat sprites, all of the environments our intrepid hero wanders through have been done in a very ingenious 3-D style. Because the view is still from a top-down perspective you really don't notice the 3-D. But, as the hero saunters about, buildings, trees, and mountains all shift ever so slightly to give an added degree of depth without compromising the simplistic visual style the series has always been known for. It's really very well done, and the only aspect of the visuals I was a little disappointed with was the in-battle animation. Considering how nice the environments look, the fact that all the pokémon pretty much just stand there during battles seemed kind of archaic.

   The music, too, has been kicked up a notch. The Pokémon series has never really been known for laying down bass-rattling beats, but the soundtrack for Diamond and Pearl is packed with surprisingly catchy tunes. Even better, practically every location, and there are a lot of them, has its own song, so you'll never find yourself getting sick of a particular track that's been recycled to death. There's a song for every occasion! Business interviews, funerals, mackin' with the ladies. You name it and there's a track from the Pokémon Diamond/Pearl soundtrack for it.

   While some crappier series that should be urinated on and then burned might be content to simply slap a fresh coat of visual and aural paint on their newest iteration and throw it out the door, Pokémon is far too classy for that. Along with its updated image and sound, the newest Pokémon is simply stuffed full of quality content. There are now Pokémon contests where the pride of your posse can compete in a variety of mini-games to win the admiration of world-renowned pokémon connoisseurs as well as cool swag for you. These contests have multiple levels, and breeding and training a pokémon capable of going the distance can easily consume dozens of hours. If that gets boring though, you can always delve into the underground, a large maze full of traps and treasure, as well as a secret base of your own design. You can even meet up with a friend via Wi-Fi Connection or the DS's wireless communication and either exchange pleasantries or try and sabotage each other's excursions. If you're hanging around this site I can probably guess which one you'll be doing.

Poké-friends! (Okay, I promise I'll stop.)

   In fact, Pokémon Diamond/Pearl's social possibilities are as meaty as a gaming journalist's thigh. Of course there are the standard battles and trades that you can do via the DS's wireless communication or Wi-Fi Connection. But you can also chat, send pictures that you draw on the touch screen back and forth, cooperate to make items, enter pokémon contests, venture into the underground, team up for a battle, or do tons of other things. While Nintendo's online services have never been particularly impressive, they seem like they've found a pretty decent middle ground here between keeping kids in vacuum-sealed bags and exposing them to loud, uneducated jerks who will drunkenly question their sexuality after any kind of online interaction.

   And just like in past Pokémon titles, the differences between the Diamond and Pearl versions are primarily in the varieties of pokémon that are available. So if you want to catch 'em all you're going to need to do a little trading. One cool new aspect of this is a world wide trading network, where you can post a pokémon you'd like to trade and the stipulations under which you'd trade it. You can also peruse the pokémon others have posted and trade for them if you meet the conditions. While the pickings can sometimes be slim for rare pokémon, it's still a great way to fill in gaps in your collection if you're a friendless loner with nobody in your own country to trade with. I'll be there waiting!

I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was!

   Seriously, I could go on and on about all the great stuff in these games: additional types of pokéballs make capturing new pokémon much easier later in the game; sometimes you'll team up with other NPC trainers to conquer dungeons co-op; a bunch more items and areas become accessible once you finish the main campaign, etc., etc. These are truly fantastic RPGs, and if you're a fan of the series, or even just someone who likes lighthearted JRPGS, you need to own one. I'm pretty sure you'll die if you don't. In fact, you look a little wan right now. You better go buy it quick. And make sure to bring me back some beef jerky. I'm really hungry.

       ... Mike Zeller