If you own a PS3, chances are you've been waiting for this one ever since the day you laid out that half a grand on the table of your local GameStop (scary, isn't it?). And if you're anything like me, which I hope for your sake you're not, then you also downloaded the demo the day (in my case, the minute) it went up on the Playstation Network. You may have thought the demo was short. It probably left you thirsty for more. Well, the full game is finally here and after playing through it, the reason the demo was so short is clearly apparent: Heavenly Sword is a mini-game.

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis?

   Can't you read? I said it was a mini-game. What I'm getting at is that it's possible to breeze through the whole game in 6 hours - or maybe 8 if you do it at a leisurely pace, get stuck on some of the more annoying awkward bits, or pause once every half an hour to pleasure yourself. Perv. Even so, 8 hours in a full price game is not very good value for your money. The consolation is that you will almost certainly find thorough enjoyment in those hours.

Is that so? Go on then, tell me more.

Serkis-Shmerkis. What about that red-haired chick?

   Ah Nariko, yeah, she's got character. She's also very pretty for one so aggressive, and unlike them real-life women, much easier to control. But then character probably isn't exactly what you were asking about either. If you're so inclined, Nariko is definitely a better ahem, "source" than Lara Croft was, and if you persist for about 2 seconds, you'll probably be able to get some real good pause screens with her lovely hi-poly bum on display, as Nariko doesn't fancy wearing much clothing when she's fightin' 'round the world. For some reason, Ninja Theory thought fit to slightly disable the agile heroine by not allowing her the ability to jump at will - for anyone used to the likes of Ninja Gaiden, God of War and Devil May Cry, this is a very noticeable restriction and is one less thing you can do to mix things up in the midst of battle. My guess is that the developers felt that unrestricted jumping would lessen the overall cinematic quality and feel of the game... or they are simply holding out for the sequel.

Take a stance

   Nariko's fighting system is based around three stances: speed (default), range (adopted by holding L1), which allows you to swirl chains about and hit many enemies at once, but causing little damage) and power (R1), which, as you've probably guessed, causes a lot of damage but is slow, leaving you vulnerable for longer). When enemies attack, a colored trail follows them, indicating which stance you must adopt in order to automatically block them. If an enemy has a blue trail, then you will block them automatically if you're in the default speed stance, assuming you're not in the middle of performing a move (or power yawning). An orange trail requires you to be in the power stance to block. If an enemy attacks with a red trail behind them then their attack is unblockable, so a swift jerk of the right stick to roll out of the way is the only option apart from taking one on the temple.

The art of kicking ass

   Pressing triangle immediately after a successful block triggers a counter attack, which is usually displayed in a glorious, close-up cinematic fashion - the severity of the counter dictated by how well you timed the press. Similarly impressive looking are the "Superstyle" attacks, which are special moves that can be charged up from fighting stylishly (to a maximum level of 3). The three levels of Superstyle attacks can be performed to different effect in each of the three stances, giving a total of nine very cool-looking specials. A level one Superstyle will only kill the one enemy you perform it on, but levels two and three will kill, or inflict damage (not to mention pungent public humiliation!), upon multiple foes. While the fighting system in Heavenly Sword is certainly inferior when compared to certain classic games of the genre, it definitely has its own merits and has the depth to provide gratification for those willing to explore and experiment with it. In-keeping with the current trend in action games, there is the occasional QTE (quick-time-event, or "Hero sequence" in Ninja Theory vernacular), but unlike certain games (i.e. that abysmal piece of sh*t Spiderman 3) they are used (not over-used) to good effect (wow, now there's a lot of parenthesis for one sentence!).

Sixasisassassination

   The levels of Heavenly Sword aren't all about kicking ass though - many are about shooting or cannoning ass. The first example is near the beginning, where you must play as Nariko's mentally disabled sister Kai (must... not... take... cheap shots!) and stop invading soldiers using a bow and arrow. This is where the sixaxis' motion control comes into play. If you press square to fire, and hold it, the camera zooms in behind the arrow and you can control its flight by tilting the joypad, to direct it into enemies' heads... or testicles, if you so prefer. At first it feels horrible to control, but you soon get the hang of it and then it becomes an extremely satisfying pleasure. Unfortunately, Ninja Theory have obviously assumed you'd love this feature more than life itself (or more than your stack of Playboys, at least) and in contrast to their restraint with QTEs, have over-used it a bit throughout the game. I also found a later level where you have to use the same aftertouch technique with cannons to hit weak spots on enemy catapults to be quite a pain in the proverbial ass. Going into the options and changing the scheme to use conventional control (via the left stick) as opposed to the motion sensing capabilities made things a lot easier, even if a little less fun.

Couldn't give a boss

   Maybe we've been spoilt by the likes of God of War and Shadow of the Colossus' giant behemoths, but the only thing massive about the bosses in Heavenly Sword is how massively disappointing they are. The game being so epic in tone only makes its human-sized bosses seem like that much more of an anti-climax. There are no colossal monsters to defeat here: just your standard man-type foes and one, slightly bigger inbred man-thing whose mother definitely deserves a slapping. A special mention must also go out to how tediously drawn out the final boss fight versus King Bohan is.

   After completing the game, Hell mode becomes available, for anyone who thought it was too easy the first time around. There is also some replayability in repeating stages more stylishly to earn a higher glyph rating (your performance is rated from one to three glyphs at every checkpoint), which unlocks extra content like videos and artwork.

Even after all

   I may have focused on a lot of negatives in this review, but my bottom line is this: you really, really should play Heavenly Sword, because it is still brilliant in many respects. Besides, what else are you gonna do with your PS3?! You can't use it as a doorstep forever. Yes, the game has a lot of faults, but there are also many moments of triple-A excellence. I can understand the shortness of the game being a deterrent, in which case you should rent it, (or buy it and sell it on), but anyone with a PS3 and a penchant for fighting-oriented action/adventurers owes it to themselves to play through it at least once. Note to Ninja Theory: make the sequel(s) at least twice as long.

       ... Lunk