Hey, look - it's another Mario-related title to play while you're waiting for Super Mario Galaxy to finally arrive. Behold Mario Strikers Charged for the Wii.

   The follow-up to a game that a few people might have picked up for the Gamecube, Charged brings a wild and crazy soccer extravaganza to the Wii, complete with dual-wielding remote/nunchuck action and motion controls, of course. Forget the silly, kid-friendly mini- or micro-games, though. This game is all about multiplayer action; not only is Strikers fun with friends in your own living room, but Nintendo has finally entered the realm of online kickassery. Or is it asskickery? I never can remember with that one.

   The opening cinematic scene shows that the Wii actually does have some graphical power inside that shiny white exterior, and the game looks great throughout. The music is about what you'd expect - Mario Kart-like repetition with a little guitar work thrown in to show that this is a "hardcore" sports title - but in this scenario, it works well. With this solid foundation, it's time to find out how the game plays.

You have to walk before you can kick the crap outta someone

   With Mario Strikers Charged, Nintendo has figured out how to do a lot of things really well. It also found out how to frustrate the living hell out of people, but more on that later. On the good side, there's an excellent tutorial mode that lets you learn the ropes on a field known as the Classroom - clever, right? Anyway, you learn how to kick, pass, use items, use special moves, and, most importantly and definitely most fun, hit your opponents. Trust me, learn how to do this well early on. You'll definitely be needing it if you're trying to get through the single player modes. And if you're planning on sticking to the multiplayer, it adds a new level of fun when you anonymously beat the living crap out of some wuss halfway across the country.

   You'll also learn the game's new trick, the MegaStrike. This supercharged shot allows you to fire up to six balls at the goalie at once (must... hold back... obvious jokes...), which can let you pour on the pwnage if you're winning, or make a miraculous comeback if you find yourself trailing late in a contest. Be careful, though. When you're winding up for the shot, your opponents can still knock you on your backside and have their way with you. And when the other team gets a MegaStrike off against you, you go into goalie mode, providing a fun little break in the action (provided it doesn't happen all that often) in which you take control of the goalie's hands and attempt to snag the balls before they get past you.

   You'll also get learned in the way of Skillshots, which are the sidekick alternative to MegaStrikes. They won't let you get that huge come-from-behind edge, but are equally as powerful and can provide some big goals when you need them, assuming you master the timing and distance needed to nail the shot. Wow, I think that was the most sexually innuendo-ed sentence ever.

Bring it on!

Wait, not that much!

   The first round is easy. Think of the easiest thing you did all day, then pretend you could make it easier. Now swing your hands around a bit while looking at the TV. That's about what it takes to get through the Fire Cup unscathed. MegaStrike opportunities abound, and the computer hardly puts up a fight (what a wuss).

   Then you get to the Crystal Cup. This one makes the game a bit more interesting, because instead of winning 16-0, you're winning 3-1, or, heaven forbid, perhaps losing one or two games on your way to another championship. If the game stayed on this level or maybe a tad harder, it would have been fantastic and full of some good challenge.

   Nintendo didn't want to play like that, though. No, they wanted to play the last round, the Striker Cup, like a cheap, cheating, smack-talking pain in the you-know-what. Losing the first game doesn't feel so bad, since there are nine more in this round before you get to the elimination games. But then you lose the second. And the third. And the fourth in overtime. And then remotes and curses start flying at the TV faster than your suddenly-pathetic goalie is letting balls into the net. The game gets real hard real fast, and unfortunately loses a lot of its fun in the process.

   When you get tired of getting virtually spanked (ooh, sounds kinky!), you can try your hand... er, foot, I guess, at the Challenge mode. Play through great moments in Strikers history as the legends themselves, unlocking various secrets in the process. In simpler terms, beat the task in the given time with a predetermined character. In another disappointment, however, this mode proves to have the same flaw as the Road to the Striker Cup - the first few are too easy, the next few are just challenging enough, and then you won't be able to beat the last few unless you're really good or have no friends you want to play with. Or have friends who are computer hackers, which is probably the same thing. Speaking of which...

Share the pain

   After you're done feeling humiliated at having the computer smoke you for a few games (or a few hours - what?! I had to at least try to get my dignity back!) - you're ready for the multiplayer. And oh, man, what a relief this is. If you're lucky enough to have a friend available (or some spare change and a homeless guy nearby, whatever works), the game instantly gets back in your good graces by providing much more fun and excitement. Perhaps the best part is that now, if you end up losing in a cheap, pathetic fashion, you can at least beat the crap out of the person you're playing against, thereby relieving plenty of frustration. And if you know enough people, you can have up to four players battling it out at the same time. Forget that other game from a few months ago; this is the true Mario party.

Surf the turf

   When it comes time for your friends to depart (or you run out of cash), you may still want to avoid the single player modes. In that case, hit up the flashy Wi-fi connection and play a series or three online. Nintendo did a great job setting up the online service, and, at least in the early days after the game's release, there's always someone to play. Perhaps some more thought could have gone into a matchmaking function (My rank: 5572. My opponent: 170. Yeah, that's fair), but if you're just looking to kill some time and have a little fun, it's definitely a great way to play. There's also an option for two-on-two online play, which is definitely a blast. It allows you to have someone listen to your smack talking, but with the bonus of having another person on your side encouraging you.

   The one tip to remember when playing online is that the person you're playing likely has a little more sense than the computer in the early rounds of the single-player modes (though that's debatable in some cases). That means the chance for MegaStrikes and Skillshots diminishes greatly. You have to rely on your skill and cunning, young grasshopper.

   There are weekly "seasons" during which your total points accumulate, though no word yet on whether there will be any prizes given out (Free copies of Wii Play! Umm... no thanks). It's cool to see how you measure up though, and to check out the people who have no lives and somehow have played over 100 games by 9 a.m. The point scale rewards participation, which is cool - you get ten points for a win, one for a loss, and one point for every goal you score in a match. So even if you suck, you can just lie to your friends and say you got those fifty points by winning a few games by big margins, instead of being shutout in fifty games. Extra kudos to Nintendo for teaching kids to lie to their friends - it's a survival skill no one could afford to do without.

Wanna be my friend? What's the password?

   Okay, I lied (I learn quick!). There's one other thing that could have been improved with the online function. Friend codes. Sheesh. Nintendo must think that everyone who buys a Wii has a photographic memory and enjoys reciting numbers in their heads all day long. First we have to share sixteen digit Wii numbers just to be able to send Miis and e-mails and such, and now we have to send a game-specific twelve digit number just to be able to play said friends directly (otherwise you just get a random opponent from somewhere in North or South America). It takes a little bit of joy out of the whole process, but at least they bothered to include some way to find specific people online. I'll start being grateful just as soon as I can remember my social security number again, whose place in my brain is now occupied by a bunch of annoying buddy codes.

Get your kicks

   Mario Strikers Charged may have its flaws, but it truly is a great game. On a system riddled with kiddie movie crap and microgame nonsense (and Zelda, of course, but I would hope that by now you've beaten that already), Strikers stands out above the rest. The visuals are spot-on, the gameplay is very smooth, and the online function opens up a whole new world of opportunity for the Wii. If you have even a passing interest in sports and want a new way to have fun with your cute little white trapezoid, go get Strikers. And if you ever come across BGS while playing online, send me an e-mail with your friend code. Unless you can beat me.

       ... Darthziggy