Ever since the dawn of gaming we have been subjected to the inevitable movie/video game tie-in. It all started with E.T., possibly the greatest crap fest to ever make its way onto a console. A game so singularly bad, not only did it set the industry back 50 years, it also extended the Cold War and caused male-pattern baldness. The game set forth an evil and horrible precedent of the gory chain of "movie - crappy game - angry and vengeful gamers". Thankfully, from time to time the gruesome cycle is broken, and the Lord of the Rings series has done a wonderful job of giving us games that don't cause cancer.

Why Must We Fight? Oh Yeah, That's Right, We Have Hated Each Other for Over 1,000 Years.

   In this particular LotR game, the focus has shifted to the war in the North. Realizing that they've milked the Rings movies for all that they're worth, the development team decided to put a fresh spin on the series by creating their own war. Hear that, WWII shooter developers? When you've done a war to death, just make up a new one. At any rate, you can fight as the forces of good or evil, though just once I'd like to fight as the forces of indifference. The mission objectives would be centered around decorating appropriately to welcome the conquering army so they don't kill or devour your population, an in the final campaign you would be tasked with mediating the signing of the peace treaty while ensuring that neither party runs out of champagne or finger foods. Ahh, dreams.

   Anyway, once you've chosen your side you will begin the Herculean task of completely eradicating your foe. Each army fights differently, and the distinct factions within the armies require particular strategies as well. When you play as the good guys, you control elves and dwarves, who are respectively hell bent on saving the trees, and destroying the earth's core. The elves are quick and agile, while the dwarves are stout and strong. During the Elvin levels you will find yourself setting up ambushes and creating chokepoints, while Dwarves will demand lots of resources, but dish out plenty of damage in return.

   When controlling the forces of evil you will take command of goblins and orcs, in all their smelly, stupid glory. Goblins are extremely fast, but weaker than an alcoholic's self-image. To account for this, your command limit is set very high, so fighting turns into a pure numbers game. The orcs are slightly stronger, and they can bring along attack trolls and the Nazgul, so they prove to be a much more effective force. While you'll still get creamed if you are dumb enough to walk into an enemy trap, there's little that a few Fellbeasts and a load of attack trolls can't kill.

   Basically, your favored army will come down to play styles, with strategy minded gamers taking the forces of good, while those who prefer the blitzkrieg will find themselves more than satisfied with the bad guys. Really though, why play as any faction other than the baddies? Who wants to save the world when you can rule over it with an iron fist? If you don't agree with me, I will gladly come to your land, rape your women, burn your homes, and kill all who are oppose me. See how fun it is to be evil?

How Do You Win a War No One Cares About?

Who Needs War When You Have Word Games?

   In addition to Campaign mode, you can also start up a Skirmish. What a fun word, skirmish, just try and say it without smiling. You can't! And if you say that you can that makes you a liar, and liars make baby Jesus cry.

   Skirmishes allow you to control the aspects of the battle, from number of players, to map, to number of sprinkles on your ice cream cone. Once all the parameters are set the battle is joined, and you must vanquish your foes before your ice cream cone melts. Ok, so that's not really how it works, but it would be a much better system, as the Skirmish mode is actually quite boring. Good thing it's such a fun word.

   Of course, this being the 360, there are multiple online modes to sample as well. Good old fashioned Versus and King of the Hill are joined by Capture and Hold, Resource Race, and Hero vs. Hero. There's something here for everyone, and the hardest decision you may have to make is determining what mode to play.

   The good news is that this game has enough modes to satisfy almost everyone, the bad news is that none of them are particularly mind-blowing. While every mode is passable, there is no clear stand out. I wish that the team had spent less time cramming in all these modes and more time extending the campaign. Oh well, in a perfect world I'd be married to Jessica Alba and would actually make money writing these reviews, so you take what you get.

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If It Looks Like an Orc, and It Sounds Like an Orc, It's Likely My Mother-In-Law

   When I was deciding whether or not to buy the game, I was largely swayed by the promise on the box of how glorious the game would look in HD. I had a sad little 20" TV, but I knew a shiny new High-Def set was in my near future. Starting the game on the old TV all the characters were miniscule, and the text was nigh unreadable. I was basically clicking around the battlefield hoping that I had chosen to fight an enemy unit, when really all I was doing was perpetually moving my troops around in circles while my base was being burned to the ground. While the new TV set made the units larger and more distinguishable, the game was far from the HD glory I had hoped for. Really, all it managed to do was bring out the blocky character models and chugging frame rate. Maybe my copy was just scratched, but it seemed like whenever things started to heat up the game looked more like a series of still-frames than a next-gen gem. I'm not sure if you're aware, but war is a snappy affair, and the last thing I need to see is an entire battalion charging to battle, freezing, and then suddenly being decimated by a flaming boulder that I never saw before.

Say What?

   While the graphics suffer, the sound is actually pretty impressive. There's a whole lot of voice acting, and most of it is done by the series veterans. While the good heroes are all nobodies you've never heard of, it's very satisfying to hear the Mouth of Sauron, or the Dark Lord himself, call out orders and strike fear into the hearts of your foes. The game also does a great job of providing you with audio alerts of enemy attacks and new objectives. Finding a new enemy lair and hearing your leaders tell their troops to utterly decimate it always gave me cause for a grin and a sinister chuckle.

   Obviously, the big question about putting an RTS on a console is how the hell you're going to get all the commands that normally take up an entire keyboard to fit on an itty-bitty console controller. The game attacks the problem admirably, and it does a great job giving you sense of orchestrating a grand battle plan. You can easily select your entire army, specific unit types, or single battalions with a few simple button combinations. You also have the opportunity to bookmark units and quickly shift the focus from the battle back to your base. While it can be harrowing to direct troops, manage resources, summon powers, and construct buildings all at the same time, isn't that why you play an RTS in the first place? If you want simple, go play Barbie Brushes Her Hair, which I hear is quite rich and rewarding.

If an Ent Falls in the Forest and No One Hears It, Does It Bitch and Moan Until Someone Comes to Help?

   When you take the game in its totality, it is a noble attempt to bring and underrepresented genre to the consoles. It is a fun romp that puts a new spin on the LotR mythos, but it's far from a perfect game. A short Campaign mode, coupled with disappointing graphics stop the game just shy of true greatness. However, given the history of movie-related games, we should just be happy that EA actually put forth the effort to make a good game, rather than just cash in on a license. Go ahead and give this game a spin in your disc tray, just don't say I didn't warn you when you find yourself wandering the neighborhood looking for a good place to set up a troll pit or an archery range.

       ... Brad