Franchises are a fact of life, along with death, taxes, and the gradual but unstoppable decline in quality of the Sonic the Hedgehog series. It is also a well known fact that any big budget movie that rakes in the cash at the box-office will soon be followed by a videogame version that will strive to grab even more money off of us crazy, gibbering, wild-eyed consumers. Unfortunately, these movie-to-game conversions are always crap. Nearly.

   So along came the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, a series of films that started out great, finished off merely okay, but, most importantly, ran off with so much loot from viewers that it would make Captain Jack Sparrow himself cry tears of joy into his bottle of rum. The videogames to follow were inevitable, and now here we are already up to the game based on the last of the initial (sigh) Pirate movies, "At World's End".

   As with all things, there is an exception to the "all games based on movies are crap" rule. Games such as Goldeneye, Spiderman 2, and The Chronicles of Riddick were all great games, but if you were ever to compile a list of the greatest movie-based games ever, At World's End wouldn't even be fit to glimpse the very end of such a list.

   In the interest of full disclosure [we at GameLemon are just IMMENSE fans of full disclosure - ed.] I have to point out that I actually liked all of the Pirates movies. They're hardly classics, and the last two films teeter on the brink of average at times, but that still doesn't stop them from being enjoyable, entertaining films that warrant at least one viewing each. And characters such as Jack Sparrow, Captain Barbosa and Davy Jones hold the movies together; it's just a shame they weren't able to do the same for this game.

Arrghh, avast ye landlubbers, and other such clichés

   Even though the game is titled "At World's End", the story starts from the beginning of the second movie and goes through to the end of the third; so in other words, you have to suffer through the events of two movies. Oh joyful joy. If you've seen the movies you already know the plot of the game, but that doesn't mean you still won't get confused after watching all the disjointed cut scenes. For instance, in the first level you control Jack, and have to escape from prison. Then, for the second level, you suddenly find yourself playing as Will Turner, and you watch a scene that shows him rescuing Jack from being roasted over a fire. "But...I was just playing as Jack!" - you exclaim. "I escaped from prison, and now I'm tied up and being rescued by Legolas?" Simmer down, boy. You haven't seen nothin' yet. Soon things will make about as much sense to you as a random episode of Lost.

   The gameplay consists of controlling Jack, Will, Barbosa, or Elizabeth and moving them through various locations from the movie, battling opponents, smashing open the odd crate and doing occasional side quests. However, all the levels are terribly linear, so you'll mostly find yourself going along a straight path with no turn offs [the incessant "god, what crap!" thoughts notwithstanding - ed.], and you can't even backtrack through the levels, which is actually a pain if you miss picking up a collectible. You also can't jump, and I am fairly confident in the thought that the decision to keep the character grounded was made solely to keep the player firmly in the level's confines, and save on time needed to design additional barriers to keep people from trying to actually explore the game world.

   Sword fighting plays a large role in the game, and though the battle mechanics are simple it is still enjoyable enough...at first. I had heard that the sword fighting was meant to be easy, but the AI I fought seemed to be firmly on to the fact that I was trying to finish the game as quickly as possible to get it over with, and constantly blocked just about all of my attacks. If that wasn't bad enough, my enemies sported an extremely nasty habit of jumping in at any opportunity to stab me through the chest while I was busy dueling with someone else or trying to operate some lever. Why couldn't they act like they do in all sword fighting movies, where they all stand back and simply watch as the hero duels with another enemy one-on-one?! And please don't tell me that this is where developers felt they needed to reflect the realism of pirate life! This is from the people who created the jump-less pirate?! YEAH.

   The last level in the game proved to be a particularly frustrating experience. With the cheap AI swarming all over you while you try and avoid cannon-fire along with lightning and mini-tornados (which can basically kill you in one hit), chances are you'll have to restart the level a few dozen times before finally getting through it. The only thing worse than playing a bad game is playing a bad game that kicks your ass unfairly, and here Pirates delivers in spades.

Play this game and we guarantee you'll soon be quoting "why is the rum always gone?" miserably to yourself

I am trying to get this bloody game out onto store shelves, SAVVY?

   Speaking of wishful thinking, "if only the developers would have..." are words that could be tacked onto just about any aspect of this game, for it reeks of being rushed in order to get it out at the same time as the third movie. Lazy development abounds, with a lot of key scenes from the movie absent, and other scenes taking cheap "reduce the animation" excuses, like showing your ship sailing away with character's voices played over it. Golly, you don't think the developers were too lazy to properly animate this conversation, do you, Jack? Of course, castrated scenes tend to only make things worse later on. For example, near the end of the game Elizabeth has to idly inform the other pirates that another character is dead, even though we never see it happen: "We must unite and fight! Oh yeah, and what's-his-name is dead." Even when you finish the game (and shout a whoop of joy and do cartwheels around the room), the lazy developers simply paste the credits over the screen you see when you're at the main menu. For shame!

   The game does have its brief shining moments, and is not as bad as it could have been - just barely, though. In the cut scenes and dialogue it does recapture the humor from the films very well, and younger players may be able to forgive the game for its many, many, many (I could go on) faults, especially while playing as Jack and Barbosa, which can be quite fun at times. The voice acting is also surprisingly decent, and although the actors from the movies aren't involved [you will always remember this as the day you ALMOST fooled Captain Depp into doing voice-overs for your horrible game! - ed.], the sound-alikes they hired do a very good job, and almost sound like the real deal.

   Perhaps the greatest parts of the game lie in the "Jackanisms", which are scenes that play out where you have to press a button on the controller when prompted, (much like in Indigo Prophecy), and if you get it right you see some great displays of sword play and aerobatics. It's ironic, though, that the best part of the game is that which you don't have much control over. Some scenes are also surprisingly well choreographed, with my personal highpoint being the chance to fight the two Singapore twins with Barbosa, something which did not happen in the movie. The fight and cut scenes are very well done here, and give a glimpse into a far greater game that might have been.

If anyone needs me I'll be in my angry dome!

   Just when you finally hear some good news about Pirates, I have to move on to another highly frustrating aspect. One of the crucial rules in all videogames is this: cut scenes must be skippable. If you can't skip the cut scene the first time it's viewed, at least make it so that, on repeat viewing, it can be skipped. You knew who you were making this game for, Eurocom: casual gamers, and kids. I can understand if you want to force the little tykes to watch the scene the first time, as they will probably be jamming at the controller pad with a stubby thumb the moment that movie pops up. But what is inexcusable is the fact that you can never skip any cut scene in the game. Ever. In a game that involves multiple replays of levels! I say heads need to roll, people.

   Graphically, on the PS2, the game looks about as good as it plays. Captain Barbosa looks like he's had a cave troll's head placed upon his body, and even if you feel that this is just punishment [us, we think the guy deserves a medal! - ed.], it absolutely does not do justice to his look in the movie, or to the craft of 3D artistry in general.

   It should be noted that the Xbox 360 version of the game does sport considerably better graphics, as well as the ability to jump. So if you really must get this game, you know what version to get. We respectfully advise you to remember, however, that the gameplay would still be something akin to throwing a paper bag over the head of Sméagol from LOTR, and then sleeping with him, so see how much fun you can have with those mental images before making your final decision.

   What gets me the maddest about this game is that in places like Australia (why, my fellow countrymen, why?) the game has shot to the number 1 position in the game charts, and I for one am sick of this sort of idiocy! It's time to take a stand, it's time to-

We are sorry for the inconvenience, but the reviewer has blown an anger fuse and had to be tranquilized. We will return you to the review shortly.

   Sorry about that, I don't know what came over me. Now that I've calmed down, I realize that I can't stay mad at people for buying this game - if they love the Pirates movies, they'll try the game, not knowing what hell they're setting themselves up for. And I guess I can forgive that. So if you're reading this review and still want to go buy the game, then go ahead, with my blessings. I can't promise you a great time, but you might get something out of it (exactly what god knows). Just promise me you'll at least try not to buy the game at full price - for that truly is piracy - and I'll promise to keep your dirty secret for 3 days. That ought be long enough to drive you back to the store, whimpering, to return it.

       ... Travis Whipps