Final Fantasy VII was a revolutionary game in any number of ways. Its gorgeous (for the time), cinematic cut scenes changed the way video games told stories, and its dark setting, combined with the mature themes of its narrative, propelled the console RPG from being a niche genre into an extremely popular, highly lucrative one. Not only that, but it also gave the anime/video game fan community [whose motto up to that point had been "Weirding normal people out since the late '70s!" - ed.] what has now become one of its most beloved properties. In fact, FF VII's brooding hero, Cloud, and its prettier-than-a-man-should-be villain, Sephiroth, are probably the two most popular Square Enix characters of all time [Mike had a vicious comment about gay porn here, but we had to yank it because it would please the Republicans - ed.] So, of course, ever since its release fans have been clamoring for one thing and one thing only - more. Nearly ten years later, Square finally caved in to those demands and gave fans exactly what they wanted: a third-person shooter starring the most minor of Final Fantasy VII's playable characters! ...yeah.

Bustin' caps in dragon ass.

   Dirge of Cerberus takes place three years after the conclusion of Final Fantasy VII, and all is not so peachy. Though a plucky group of heroes and a considerable measure of luck had managed to save the world from Sephiroth and a huge freakin' meteor he summoned with dark magic, a considerable amount of damage was done to the planet nonetheless. Luckily, a number of charitable souls, not least among them Reeve Tuesti (the former Shinra Head of Urban Development and controller of the robotic gambling kitty, Cait Sith - you remember, right? ...Right?), have formed the World Regenesis Organization and begun, well, regenesising things. Cerberus's hero, vampiric gunslinger and red cloak enthusiast, Vincent Valentine, has settled in the restored town of Kalm. While Vincent seems content to live out his days peacefully, he is forced out of retirement when a small army of soldiers and monsters attacks Kalm, kidnapping anyone they can get their grubby mitts on, and gunning down everybody else. Thus begins lots of running around and shooting people in the face. In between all the face shooting, Vincent begins to discover connections between the new threat and the woman with whom he once wanted to bump uglies. Man, if I had a nickel for every time my dead ex-girlfriend sicked an army of crazy super soldiers on me...

   Both the story and the game overall definitely have that "Final Fantasy" feel to them, complete with heaping platefuls of melodrama and lots of riding the razor's edge of world destruction. But, being a third-person shooter, it also feels kind of different. If you're one of those people who only plays Final Fantasy games, or games that are clones of Final Fantasy (i.e. pretty much every Japanese RPG), you're a huge tool. [Not that there is anything wrong with that - ed.] This means, also, that the difference in tone between this and other Final Fantasies may jar you. While Final Fantasy games all have their dark moments, where the heroes skulk through the burnt out remnants of an abandoned city and maybe somebody snuffs it, they also have lighter moments where they visit a floating castle, or go to a theme park, or somebody farts and everybody laughs just like in church on Bad Bean Sunday. Not so here. Tonally, Dirge shares most other shooters' pervasive grimness. Meteor Fall hit the world like a fat kid punching another fat kid in order to steal his Hostess snack cake, so there really isn't much to smile about except Hostess snack cakes. It's a sad, sad, sad world indeed.

Fun and gun!

Do not ask for whom the Cerberus Dirges, it Dirges for thee.

   Generally, each level plays out with Vincent running along a fairly linear path (although there are periodic divergences and hidden areas) blasting away at whatever pops up in front of him. The camera is positioned in such a way that, though you can see Vincent fully from behind, you're kind of peering over his shoulder so his body never gets in the way of what you're aiming at. The targeting reticule is a big honking green circle that, when held over an enemy, will sort of soft lock-on. You'll still be able to aim around and target other enemies, but if you start firing blindly you've got a better chance of hitting the guy you locked on to. This took a little getting used to, but once I did, it felt both comfortable and functional. Like women's underwear. Not that I'd know anything about that.

   Periodically throughout the levels you'll wind up duking it out with mini-bosses or engaging in some other short missions (i.e. kill a bunch of snipers, rescue a little kid, punch fifty old ladies before Tony Danza eats an entire wedding cake, etc.). These tend to break up the rather lengthy levels nicely and keep the action from getting too repetitive.

   At the end of each level you'll fight a boss [I know, I could hardly believe it myself - ed.], typically one of the higher ranking soldiers in the army you're single-handedly annihilating. As with pretty much every other boss in the history of video games, defeating them requires a mixture of manual dexterity and following patterns. Once a levels ends, your performance in several key areas (damage taken, damage dealt, damage to my '94 Buick Regal by people who can't be bothered to look when they open their *%$#@ car doors) will be assessed and you'll be awarded money and experience points. The money can be spent on healing items or gun upgrades, and the experience can either be used to level up Vincent or exchanged for more money. You gotta love dead presidents.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Now where are my eye drops?

   Overall the game feels pretty good. The graphics, while nowhere near the eye-meltingly beautiful quality we've seen in other Square titles, are attractive enough and have a very distinct style. Characters animate fluidly, especially during cut scenes, and the couple of scenes done in full CGI look as good as Advent Children. The music is much more similar to the tunes found in games like Black or Gears of War and sounds a little strange for a Final Fantasy title at first, but once you get into the more run-and-gun action, it feels fairly appropriate.

   The game does lack a little bit of the polish that gamers have come to expect from Square Enix, though. Sometimes enemies will get in a couple of cheap shots, especially in indoor areas, because the camera just can't seem to give you a clear view of the action. Also, when the screen describing new objectives pops up you'll likely take a number of hits because the on-screen action continues despite the fact it's almost completely obscured. And the save system is simply a mess. I can see the reason the developers set it up the way they did, but it seems like there has to be a better way then only giving players one file per memory card. [My sis tells me it's called PC gaming - ed.]

Identity Crisis

   While annoying, none of these shortcomings ruin the experience or seriously unbalance the gameplay. The real issue is who, exactly, this game is trying to appeal to. Gamers used to the slower pace of RPGs will likely be somewhat turned off by all the twitch shooting in Cerberus, and also somewhat disappointed at the lack of a lengthy RPG narrative (Cerberus clocks in at around 10-15 hours) or character upgrade system. And I have a hard time imagining folks who are into shooters like Halo and Gears of War putting up with the very anime-esque characters and story, or all the RPG stats and items, for the sake of the significantly simpler shooting action the game provides. Even as a piece of Final Fantasy VII fanservice the game seems strange, as most FFVII characters only make cameos at best. And yet, the game definitely requires an understanding of the events of its predecessor. Kiff, we have a conundrum.

   But, then again, I suppose the game shouldn't really be faulted for not catering to a particular group... or should it? Although the game might not be sure exactly what it is, you can be assured that it will fit the bill if you're in the mood to do some light shooting while revisiting one of the more popular Final Fantasy worlds. Oh, I know all the whiney FFVII fanboys (and girls!) will be shrieking and moaning about how this or that isn't just like they pictured it when they were having one of their Final Fantasy wet dreams, and how there isn't enough Cloud or Sephiroth to give them enough material for a new yaoi dojinshi, but c'mon, that's what we've got electrified bear traps for. And besides, it stars a vampire. And everybody loves vampires! Well, except for Blade. Man I love Wesley Snipes.

       ... Mike Zeller