Nowadays with pretty much every Japanese game worth two craps (and many games not even worth half a crap) getting localized in North America, few but the gaming old guard remember a time back when gangs of Super NES and Sega Genesis fanboys clashed in violent street brawls often leading to broken glasses, savagely pulled hair, and maybe a little biting, and when many quality games from the Land of the Rising Sun never made it to western shores. Today, as bizarre games like Katamari Damacy begin to appear on store shelves, and niche strategy RPGs like Disgaea find a huge, receptive audience among the red, white and blue, it's easy to forget that once upon a time even big-name games weren't guaranteed to appear over here. As a die-hard Super Nintendo fan (to this day I've been known to dabble in a little Link to the Past or Actraiser when the mood strikes I come upon an especially strong batch of weed) I remember two games in particular that led Nintendo's American devotees to threaten mass seppuku in despair at the lack of a U.S. release.

   One was Seiken Densetsu 3 [pronounced "Jambalaya MacMenim's" - ed.], the sequel to beloved action-RPG Secret of Mana. Square Enix (then Squaresoft) decided instead to give us the American-made Secret of Evermore. Thanks a lot, Square. The other noticeably absent title was, of course, Final Fantasy V. Despite the fact that both Final Fantasy IV and VI were released in the U.S. (titled Final Fantasy II and Final Fantasy III - don't ask), and V was even partially localized several times, the game just kind of ran out of steam. Unlike Seiken Densetsu 3, which still infuriatingly lacks any kind of U.S. release, Final Fantasy V was finally officially bestowed upon Americans in 1999 as part of the Final Fantasy Anthology compilation for the original Playstation, with a few gorgeous CGI scenes thrown in to make up for lost time. Now, as part of its apparent campaign to release most of the older Final Fantasy games on the Gameboy Advance [lets milk the US dollar for all it's got before it drops even lower - ed.], Square Enix has seen it fit to give the U.S. another chance to enjoy a long-missing SNES gem.

How come there was never a canned cheese elemental crystal?

   Final Fantasy V was the last Final Fantasy to date to make four elemental crystals the crux of its plot. The hero, Bartz (more aptly named Butz in the original fan-translated version emulated on the PC), joins with several companions including Lenna, the princess of Tycoon, Faris, a pirate captain, and Galuf, a confused and possibly incontinent old man, in an effort to discover what is draining the power from his world's four elemental crystals and thus their corresponding elements. Eventually the heroes' paths cross with the nefarious sorcerer, Exdeath (any word is scarier with an "X" sound in front of it!), who seeks to destroy the crystals as part of his diabolical plot to conquer two worlds. He might as well had wanted them to cure indigestion - Tolstoy this isn't. While there are a number of side quests that can be accomplished over the course of the game, the main story is very linear [which is little more than a politically correct term for "utterly predictable" - ed.] and contains few, if any, real twists or surprises. In fact, Final Fantasy V probably has one of the weakest plots of any Final Fantasy. Don't expect an interesting cast to pick up the slack either, as the game spends very little time delving into its character's personalities and back stories, with the possible exception of Faris, who it is revealed is the reincarnation of Johannes Gutenberg (and possibly Steve Guttenberg). While it's generally a mark of death to say that an RPG's plot is boring, Final Fantasy V more than makes up for its narrative lackings by delivering some of the best gameplay in the series.

The mightiest of tiny sprite samurai

But wait, there's more!

   The real depth of the Job System manifests as characters begin to accumulate ability points. Like experience points, ability points are accumulated by defeating enemies and, in turn, help the heroes to gain job levels. Each time a character gains a level in a specific job they also permanently learn an ability. These abilities can then be equipped and used even if that character switches to another job. This is a very, very good thing, since the jobs are not all equally capable as ass whuppers. In my book Bards kind of blow balls, but their singing ability, particularly the one song that does huge damage to undead enemies, is extremely useful when equipped on a more proficient fighter. By mixing and matching various abilities you'll not only be able to waste ludicrous amounts of your already worthless time, but you'll also be able to create a balanced team of warriors capable of facing any challenge that comes their way. Good bye, weekends.

   Other than the Job System Final Fantasy V's core gameplay is essentially the same as all the other Final Fantasies, as well as pretty much every other Japanese RPG on the planet. Your heroes travel the world chatting up NPC's in towns and battling in numerous (but mercifully quick) random encounters in the various dungeons they must delve into. It may sound like a one-way ticket to cliché-ville, but it's amazing how much the Job System reinvigorates any number of tired RPG conventions. As you begin to encounter new types of enemies you'll continuously tweak your characters' jobs and abilities to be more effective. And as you get more effective you consequently defeat enemies faster and quickly accumulate more ability points, thus granting you more freedom to customize your characters' jobs and abilities. On a similar note, purchasing new equipment takes on an added dimension, as you can't simply buy the best equipment for your characters with their current jobs, but you also need to plan out what equipment they'll need if you decide to change their jobs before you reach the next town. Oh how tedious-seeming tasks suddenly become utterly absorbing when placed in a video game context! Bless you Japanese game designers!

Pre-packaged nostalgia

   Graphically this game definitely looks like it's from 1993. The overworld map and practically every other environment your characters explore appear fairly bland, even by Gameboy Advance standards. The character sprites, too, look fairly squat and ugly [think passengers of an inner-city bus for a visual - ed.] even when compared to other SNES games. In battle, though, the backgrounds are highly detailed and attractive, as too are the static enemy sprites. The larger sprites used for the player characters when they're mixing it up look good as well, and each character appears different and distinct depending upon what job they are. The attack and spell effects animate well for the time the game was originally made, but don't expect to be blown away by them, unless you have been living in seclusion since the early nineties and have only recently returned to society. If that's the case, make sure to ditch the jacket with all the zippers while you're at it.

   When this game was first announced, I remember hearing about some kind of graphics overhaul like there was for Final Fantasy IV Advance, but having played Final Fantasy V in emulation and on the Playstation, I didn't notice any kind of an upgrade. Looks like somebody is full of lies. Way to make baby Jesus cry, people.

   Musically, V is probably the weakest of the three Final Fantasies originally released on the SNES. Don't get me wrong, it's all decent stuff, but compared to the number of memorable tunes in IV and VI, V just doesn't compare. Of course there were a couple of tracks, most notably Battle With Gilgamesh [recently adopted as the official song of the Anti-Outsourcing Society - ed.], that were real standouts and rank among composer Nobuo Uematsu's best work.

Something old, something new

   On its own, this game should have more than enough quality content to seductively woo scads of old school RPG players who have somehow let this one slip under the radar for the last couple of years. For those who have already taken a whack at this fine piece of gaming goodness, the biggest draw is going to be the exclusive content. Unfortunately, it's not quite as beefy as what was tossed into Final Fantasy IV Advance. Along with a fairly improved translation, there are four brand spanking new jobs and one super-complex new dungeon, all of which don't become available until pretty much the very end of the game (after the last boss in the case of the dungeon). I mean, the jobs are all well balanced, and the new dungeon is neat, but none of it feels like it really revolutionizes the experience. So if you've played the game before, is this stuff really worth it? Well, I guess you've got to ask yourself one question: do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk? 'Cause if you do, do you want to go buy me some lottery tickets? I could really use that money. Damn student loans...

   Anyway, this was a really swell game when it first game out, and the extra stuff just adds icing to the cake. If you haven't played it before and you've got a Gameboy Advance or Nintendo DS and a hankering for a hunk of kick-ass RPG, it's an absolute must-buy. If you have played but you've been feeling the urge to give it another go, don't resist. After all, resistance is futile... Or was that trying to get out gravy stains? Now I'm all confused.

       ... Mike Zeller