For those of you who have been living in a hole under a tunnel under a rock, Family Guy is an often off-color show that the humor-endowed, television-owning specimens of our kind enjoy for 30 minutes at a time, minus commercials. Which, you'd expect, is what the game of the same name should be, one giant off-color joke. 2K Games chose the adventure genre for bringing this joke to life [if a TV-to-videogame transition could really be referred to as "life", that is - ed.] - an adventure with a mature rating due to the crude humor and themes, to be more precise. The story, as you'd expect, revolves around the main characters of the show - Peter, Brian, and Stewie. I first learned about this game at a local game store and after reading the back of the box [yes, we know they lie, but what else can you do at a video game store? - ed.], I was intrigued. I thought it looked like a potentially fun game, with the typical Family Guy humor, somewhat like the early 90s Simpsons' arcade game. Somehow neglecting the statistically low success probabilities of TV-to-videogame migrations, I had managed to lure myself into some high expectations, which, god bless their poor souls, fell pretty hard and hurt themselves. Badly.

Cell-shaded!

   Starting with the obvious, the graphics could be best described (to use a succinct adjective) to be of "moderate" quality. They are cell shaded and bear a fair resemblance to the show, just as the designers intended. At times, however, the graphics can turn very blocky, and some of the edges of the levels, especially Peter's, can seem a little jagged. The other graphical weakness is a completely irresponsible lack of cut screens, since clips from the show would have most definitely enhanced the game. This is supposed to be a current generation game graphically, but at some points it feels like it's chugging along on an N64 at best.

How about a lot less talk and a lot more "SHUT THE HELL UP?!"

Damn you, vile woman!

   Stewie's gameplay is the most fun. You can hang glide, use a ray gun, and mind control characters to solve puzzles. Mind controlling Quagmire was a lot of fun, with the exception of the fact that Quagmire, while being mind controlled by Stewie, did nothing that I wanted to make him do. A lot of fun indeed. Stewie's gameplay is the easiest of the three, which is basically a platformer with parts of it being similar to a rail shooter, i.e. you move along a set path and blast objects and enemies with your ray gun. The platform portions of these scenarios were a little off, causing players to fall a touch more often then you'd expect. Or maybe it was just that war wound in my left hand acting up again... Anyway, If you fall, you either start over at that level or you are setback several minutes of hard work. Thoroughly encouraging, to be sure.

   Despite the hiccups, the game does a good job of portraying Stewie's personality as a sarcastic baby bent on world domination. If you like Stewie in the TV show you will probably experience some moderate enjoyment during his portions of the game.

Where do I sign up for that pissing contest?

   So, what about the talking dog with a drink in his hand? In this game, Brian's scenarios are nothing short of exasperating, and yes, just like in the TV show, he does pee when he gets nervous. Sadly, however, unlike with Brian's TV character, there is no drinking, biting or mocking Peter in the game. Brian simply creeps through various levels including the police station and the Pewterschmidt family mansion, dodging cops, old people, and crazy people [at least two of the three frequently turning out to be one and the same - ed.] He tries to hide in the shadows and cause distractions so he can slip through certain areas, and I am sorry to report that both of these mechanics fail miserably. His disguises don't last. Brian's game is all trial and error, forcing you into miserable repetition level after frustrating level. Unlike Stewie, he does little to resemble his character on the show. A few witty comments here and there do not make up for the non-existent bantering between Brian and Stewie and the references to pop culture I was hoping to hear. All in all, Brian gets the prestegious award for having the most uninteresting gameplay in this game.

"No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up for 20 minutes playing a really crappy video game"

   Speaking of the Family Guy himself, Peter's gameplay is slightly better than Brian's but worse than Stewie's. It has a beat'em up feel to it, if you can imagine a hallucinogenic version of Final Fight. [If you can't, we have just the mushrooms for you available through mail-order - ed.] Peter's combinations of punches and kicks are pitiful compared to Stewie's gun, even as he beats up small children, the elderly, sick cats, law enforcement officers and a Giant Clam. He cross dresses as well, all in an attempt to confront Mr. Belvedere. There is little variation in most of Peter's levels. The environments may change slightly, but it all feels rather the same. The banal conversations, inane actions, and general stupidity we see in Peter on the TV show really come out in the game, except in the uncontrolled video game environment they often become annoying and repetitive, which really hinders his gameplay. As much as I disliked Brian's sneaking, Peter's drunken Final Fight experience left only a slightly less pungent taste in my mouth.

Up, Down, Left, Right

   All three styles of game play are punctuated by button mashing mini games, which upon completion can be later accessed directly from the main menu. Like the rest of the game, many of these are frustrating and mundane. It is easy to make a mistakes, which leads to trying it again and again and again. Most of the mini games provide a small break from the game play and try to be humorous. Most of them also have very little to do with the TV show, and while I'd like to commend the developes for trying to provide some variety, the fact of the matter is that most of the time the mini game design just isn't working.

   The controls in Family Guy are hit and miss throughout the game. Stewie's controls are the smoothest, but Peter's and Brian's are frustrating. At times, the button mashing combos and mini games coupled with the poor correlation between the buttons and the on-screen action make the gaming experience way more painful than it should be, and feel awkward and unfinished at best.

Don't mess with the Family

   Despite it's slew of missteps, the game can be fun at times. In the end, though, all of its pitfalls and frustrations make it a mediocre game, and only the most avid fans of the show may find it worthwhile. At $20, it's not a particularly large investment, but that still doesn't help the case enough as much as the vast majority of the gaming populace is concerned.

       ... Kube00