Seeing as how the Marvel and DC comics companies are the most bitter of rivals, it makes sense that when an action-RPG starring the greatest of Marvel superheroes comes out, there needs to be a comparable one from the DC camp. Lest they be tarred and feathered and called chicken. Like a bickering old married couple, neither can ever allow the other to have the last word, albeit the "words" in this case come in the form of big, beefy men in long underwear grappling suggestively with each other. So since we have Marvel: Ultimate Alliance, we assuredly need Justice League Heroes. And as is to be expected, the games are remarkably similar, right down to the nearly identical controls. Except in Heroes, instead of using Spider-Man, Capt. America, and the Invisible Woman to pound the living crap out of Dr. Doom, you're having Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman kick the tar out of Braniac. Good times.

   Anyway, the game opens with a bit of cosmic intercourse in the form of a meteorite crashing to the Earth. And since what usually follows any good meteorite strike is a horde of robots attacking a major American city, the next scene is that of dozens of Braniac's mechanical men [which clearly have no familiarity with the 3rd commandment, namely "thou shalt not rampage through Superman's home turf" - ed.] rampaging through Superman's home turf, Metropolis. Sure as women's deodorant, the Man of Steel and the Caped Crusader show up to set things right (i.e. smash up the robots in the most exciting, explosive way possible). But there is more to Braniac's plans than anyone, perhaps even Braniac, realizes...

Who wants to see Aquaman punch out a dozen gorillas?

   Since Justice League was made using the Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliances engine, the style of the gameplay will seem immediately familiar to any who have played that game or any of its sequels and spin-offs. [Or anyone who has thrown flowerpots at passerbys from a third story window. The view is just like that, and so is the screaming. - ed.] The action takes place from a three-quarters overhead perspective and mainly involves traversing dungeon-like areas and bashing your way through wave after wave of enemies, Gauntlet-style. Instead of running through sewers killing Bugbears though, you're running through caves on Mars punching out White Martians. And instead of playing as knights and wizards, you're playing as Superman and Wonder Woman.

   As is the case with Marvel: Ultimate Alliance, it's definitely the superhero trappings that keep the game from being a relatively forgettable dungeon-hack. Playing as the iconic superheroes of DC's Justice League and being able to use their distinctive powers to tear through hordes of robots and soldiers is fun in a way that really can't be expressed in words. Nonetheless, in an effort to express it, I shall invent a word. Shnorventerbat! Yes, it's quite a shnorventerbat experience.

Who needs Santa!

Able to leap exposed pipes in one or two tries!

   As I said before, the game is at heart a dungeon-hack. You'll take teams of two superheroes out into well-known locales from DC comics, such as Metropolis, STAR labs, and Gorilla City (which is just as awesome as it sounds) where they smash up a bunch of small-time thugs before battling a more impressive boss usually in the form of a well-known DC villain like the Key or Gorilla Grodd. In many of the missions, particularly the earlier ones, you'll be assigned heroes, but as the game progresses you'll be able to pick your own dynamic duos.

   Perhaps because of its more modern setting, or perhaps because of its more rockin' soundtrack, the game often has a very similar feel to old-school arcade beat-'em-ups like Final Fight and Streets of Rage [oh no, here come those childhood flashbacks again. Bye bye, productivity! - ed.]. Your characters' punches all land with satisfactory smack sound effects, and the final blow of a combo will often send foes sailing through the air or tumbling along the ground. Perform enough combos to fill your heroic meter and you can execute a few devastating blows (i.e. vicious punches to the pee-pee). To add to the mayhem, a huge number of the objects littering the environments can be hefted and hurled at enemies, or better yet, swung around as a weapon. You totally haven't lived until you've seen Superman bludgeon a robot to death with a minivan! It's freakin' sweet! Fighting always feels very satisfying, as most foes go down quickly (just like your mom! Oooooooh!) and allow you to play through the lengthy levels at a consistently steady clip. From time to time you'll also need to mix up your fighting style for a particular group of enemies, but things always feel intuitive enough that you won't suddenly find yourself getting your ass handed to you. And if you take an unexpectedly large amount of damage, backing off and remaining unscathed for a few seconds allows your health to quickly regenerate. It sure is cool to be a superhero, yes indeed. [And playing one on a console is a close second - ed.]

The personal touch. No, not "that" kind of touch.

   As you defeat the legions of the evil Braniac, your heroes will level up (this is an RPG after all, numb-nuts). Along with the standard stat-boosts this provides, it also nets your heroes a number of points that can be allocated to either one of their moves or one of their stats. Since the characters are already pre-existing (most likely since even before your parents were born) this helps give the player a bit more investment, as they are shaping each of the characters to their preference. So he's no longer just Superman, but "Your" Superman. Stalker.

   And though the game is certainly fun playing by yourself, it really shines when you've got a second player to play through the story co-op. The game is pretty easy, and the computer does a pretty decent job of controlling the second hero, so it's not like you need another human player, but being able to shoot snappy comments back and forth with a buddy and come up with half-baked strategies on the fly just helps to foster that comic-book-like atmosphere.

I don't remember Wonder Woman looking so old

   Considering the game utilizes a fiver-year-old engine, all the digitized carnage looks remarkably good. Whether Green Lantern is swinging a street sign like a baseball bat, Batman is gliding silently through the air, or the Flash is rapid-fire punching an alien's face into custard, everything animates very smoothly.

   A few things that don't look so great, though, are the cutscenes. It kind of looks like the designers tried to make all the characters far too detailed, and ended up giving them extraordinarily lumpy looking faces and musculature. [The game's official plastic surgeon could not be reached for a comment - ed.] Considering the more minimalist designs of the recent Justice League animated show (the popularity of which likely contributed to the creation of this game) this is very jarring. The overall look is almost like claymation, and just seems really out of place in this game. I prefer my claymation characters to be dancing, singing skeleton kings or preachy Christian dogs, thank you very much.

Wait, we're done?

   After a couple hours playing this game I was totally prepared to give it a better score than Marvel: Ultimate Alliance. Then it ended.

   Yup, the sad truth is that Justice League Heroes is way, way too short for a game of this genre. Sure, Dark Alliances and Ultimate Alliance weren't super long either, but they definitely clocked in at longer than the six or seven hours that it took to drive over this puppy. Right around when you start to get a feel for all the different heroes and how you need to play them, the game's over, and since it's super-linear, when you're finished, you're finished.

   The length (or, more precisely, lack thereof) also contributes to a great deal of frustration towards the game's last hour or so. While the game does give you a fair amount of leeway in some of the middle missions as to who you can bring with you, a number of the later missions require that you use specific characters. But since you may not have been using those characters much, and since you can't replay missions, they may end up being even weaker than that fat kid in high school who couldn't do one pull-up. The game also helpfully decides to suddenly savagely ramp up the difficulty around this point, thus allowing you to experience the joy of battling very strong enemies with dangerously weak characters. What fun!

   In fact, it really just doesn't feel like there is enough experience to go around. While the unlockable characters are great, and I would have even liked to have seen a few more of them (Rocket Red, anyone?), the game just doesn't feel long enough to accommodate them into your roster. Heck, I never even used a couple of the secret characters and still had a bunch of under-leveled dudes at the end of the game. And nobody likes having their dudes under-leveled, let me tell you.

The heavy responsibility of the reviewer

   The sad truth is, despite it's excellent gameplay, its brevity combined with its $40 price tag make it hard to recommend Justice League Heroes to anyone but die-hard DC fans or those folks really dying for a two-player dungeon crawl. It's definitely a fun game while it lasts, and as a budget title it would be a lot more palatable, so keep your eyes peeled for when this one winds up in the $20 bin. Hopefully the inevitable sequel will have a bit more heft. And if there is a God who is not a superhero hater, it will totally feature a Blue Beetle and Mr. Miracle team. Man that would be sweet...

       ... Mike Zeller