I have to admit, I was a bit curious when I heard about Nintendo's plans to release a New Super Mario Brothers. I became even more aroused when I found out it was going to be a two dimensional platformer. You can take that last sentence one way or the other - either is correct. [Take that, peanut gallery dwellers! - ed.] I wondered, in our modern world of rocket cars and laser guided trapper keepers, could a good old-fashioned platformer really keep pace? Evidently, the answer is yes. The New Super Mario Bros. certainly lives up to its title as a modern heir to the long vacant 2D platforming throne. Managing to cement together the bricks of tradition and present-day gameplay, the game is a mesh of all things Mario in a humble 2D environment that will take long-time fans back in time.

Here we gooooooo.... again.

   The New Super Mario Bros. wastes no time getting started. Your mission, should you choose to accept it [oh who are we kidding, you are on this case like a fly on a smelly hobo! - ed.]: save the princess. Baby Bowser snatches Peach while Mario is distracted and dashes across World 1 to the nearest fortress. From here on in it's like riding a bike. Similar to past 2D Mario games, Mario begins on a map made up of interconnected stages, warp pipes, and Toad houses. He is capable of moving about freely, but must first complete a stage before he can move beyond it. Upon entering a stage, the game switches to a 2D side-scrolling perspective. From there Mario must run, jump, swim, hurl fire, and curse his way through the level to reach the flagpole at the end. I was very pleasantly surprised with the immediate level of comfort I felt with this game on a hand-held system. The mechanics were sometimes so familiar that while running through the earlier levels I found myself forgetting that I could reach the next ledge by wall-kicking or that I could send Mario that fireflower I grabbed a few stages back with a tap of the touch screen. Even the new elements may feel oddly familiar. Well... most of the new elements. I have to admit that the first time I came across the blue shell, I expected it to explode violently. Naturally, I took off in a mad dash and dove on the ground (a.k.a. my living room carpet) burying my head between my knees in a futile effort to protect myself. Usually though, new items were pretty self-explanatory - like mini and mega mushrooms, for instance.

   Don't be fooled by Mario's new tricks, though - he's still the same pixel heavy plumber he always was. The graphics are just a make over, and the designers did a hell of a job of keeping the original atmosphere intact without limiting the game. While the capabilities of the DS are probably not pushed to their full potential, they do pull off some very slick tricks with what they have. The shifting/morphing sand in the desert levels was impressively fluid, and Mario's ability to grow to gigantic proportions (after grabbing a mega mushroom) and rampage about the level, crushing foes and destroying scenery was exactly as smoothly animated as one would hope.

The plumber next door

What's a platformer without a few pitfalls?

   Hey, nothing is perfect. Well, nothing except Jesus' love. I would be lying if I said there was no way in which the game could be improved. Some aspects and ideas of the game seemed somewhat underdeveloped [I am tactfully replacing Mr. Onion's original term here, which had something to do with half of a donkey - ed.]. For instance, the creators could have been just a touch more inventive with new enemies and bosses; instead, most are just recylced baddies from the old days. Even the ones that aren't classics, like the spiders in world 8, are kind of bland, generic, and lacking the knacks that made the original ones so memorable. And though they carried over some of Mario's 3D tricks into his new 2D adventure, and even introduced a few new ones, none of them really revolutionized the gameplay. Sure, the wall jump, ground pound, and mini mushroom are well utilized, but they're still nowhere near as fully integrated as, say, the leaf or the cape from Super Mario Bros. 3 and Super Mario World, respectively. While I'm glad they stuck with convention in some sense, all in all it would have been nice to see a bit more content corresponding to the "New" part of the game title.

   The other issue with the New Super Mario Bros. is that the game can come across as too easy. If you're just looking to reach the flagpole, it can seem short and a bit vapid. The real challenge here is in exploring and nabbing all the extras - in fact, you only actually have to play through 6 of the 8 worlds to beat the game (and, actually, unless you do a bit of experimenting, you will likely only play through those six). The levels, while generally very creative in making full use of Mario's repertoir, often lack truly tough obstacles. Once you know what lies ahead it's usually a cinch to get past or avoid. The sheer number of levels is only a small compensation, and is pretty much squelched by the quick pace at which you're able to move through them. The bosses were especially disappointing as most can be taken care of quickly [just like your little sister when she is trying to mess with your God Given Right To Game - ed.] with a few stomps or ground pounds. As a result, if you are the type of gamer that tends to focus on moving along rather then exploring optional content, you may feel a bit shortchanged by the simplicity of the core experience.

The More the Merrier

   If you're anything like me, you'll find yourself ready for another round soon after you romp your way through the single-player mode. Don't worry, the game doesn't let down here. The touch screen hosts only a few weak to mildly entertaining mini-games, but the versus mode is a huge bonus, pitting you and a friend against each other in a nose-to-nose scramble for a predetermined number of stars. Its essentially the same premise as the multiplayer in Mario 64 DS, only the arenas are looping, two-dimensional levels, and items are far more crucial. As you might have guessed, players can mug one another for stars in a number of ways. Stomp your friend with an honest-to-God ground pound or go with the fail safe "rape by fireflower" technique, its up to you. The shell armor can be especially effective if you can keep it under control. However you choose to stomp down on your buddies, you're sure to have one hell of a time doing it.

Leaving Room for Dessert

   The game is cake. Figuratively, that is. Don't eat the cartridge. Trust me, it's not as delicious as you might think [our background checks indicate that Mr. Onion speaks from experience - ed.]. Even with the few minor shortcomings, aside from drawing dirty pictures on the pictochat, its been the most fun I've experienced on the Nintendo DS to date. Although it was also one of the easiest games I've played in a while, the replay value is decent just because of the nostalgia factor in the realms of the single-player game, and the versus mode obviously only adds to the equation. With the beautifully modeled characters and landscapes (desert, underwater, ice, haunted, ect.) highlighted by a 2D environment, the game is as noticably visually stunning as ever. If you like to explore the realm of Mario, you'll get hours upon hours of enjoyment out of this game. I know I did. Hell, I'd live in the Mushroom Kingdom if I could. The only downside to it would be I could never pee anywhere... everything has eyes...

       ... Mr. Onion