If we've learned anything from Capcom's Mega Man series over the past fifteen years, it's that whenever the world starts getting sick of you, the trick is to radically change your image. Like a perpetual high school student, Mega Man has continuously reinvented his appearance in an effort to retain the approval of the masses. Sometimes the change is genuinely substantive, as was the case with Battle Network and Legends, but more often than not, it's simply a new coat of paint on the same formula which started way back when a little robot named Rock decided to exchange his hot pants for blue spandex. But the reason Capcom has managed to make so much money just retooling a single concept is because it's a really, really good concept, up there with putting melted cheese and bacon on a baked potato [a better concept, even, if you lead a cholesterol-conscious lifestyle! - ed.]. Mega Man will always be, along with Super Mario Bros. and Castlevania, one of the touchstones of excellent, 2-D platforming action.

   So, you may be asking, (if my persuasive argument has not already proven airtight enough to cause you to dash to the game store, fling a handful of money at the clerk, and run shrieking into the streets, new Mega Man game in hand), what's the gimmick with this new Mega Man? Well, the answer is fairly simple: it's a re-envisioning of the original Mega Man X. Now, your reply to that may very well be, "But Capt. Mike [I'm not actually a captain. In this hypothetical scenario I'm depicting you as slightly confused for dramatic effect], didn't Capcom just re-release nearly the entire Mega Man X series on a compilation disc for the PS2 and the Gamecube? Why bother remaking a game they just re-released?" To be honest, this fact left me scratching my head a bit too. If I didn't know any better, I'd almost think they were trying to make money off of this! Of course, this version of X is somewhat different from the one in the Mega Man X Collection... Mwa, ha, ha, ha, *hack* *cough* *choke*! [In our infinite graciousness lets just assume they are trying to be nice to those 3 poor loosers out there that own a PSP but not a GC or a PS2. Riiiiiiiiight. - ed.]

Damn, X, you lookin' fine!

   The first thing you'll notice upon loading up the game is that the visuals have changed significantly. That is, of course, providing that in 1993 you didn't travel thirteen years into the future, buy Mega Man: Maverick Hunter X and a PSP, then travel back in time and play this game while the rest of use dorky ten-year-olds were playing Mega Man X. If you did that, well, things will probably look pretty much the same. For all of you non-chrononauts, you'll immediately notice that, while the gameplay is still decidedly 2-D, all the sprites and backgrounds have been redone in 3-D. This is the same type of thing they did with Mega Man Powered-Up and New Super Mario Bros. While I've never been particularly offended by 2-D sprites, this new look works well and helps to give the levels a feeling of depth without complicating the action. . [Besides, this is Step 1 in 'Milking my video game cash cow 101'. They simply couldn't have gone without it - ed.] Occasionally I did feel like this the 3D made the screen look a little busy, but it was never particularly distracting. At least, not as distracting as a hot chick in a bikini jumping on a trampoline and eating a hot dog... 'Cause that's pretty distracting... Y'know, with her boobs bouncing around... It's hard to focus... 'Cause of the boobs... Thanks, "Man Show".

   Anyway, also newly added are hot new anime cut-scenes (along the lines of those in Mega Man X4, only with much better voice acting. Also, much more Chill Penguin). Once you've finished the game once you'll even unlock a lengthy movie showing exactly how the Maverick rebellion got started. Don't you deny it, we know you really cared about that. While not animated, there are also short scenes and a smattering of dialogue between X and most bosses which flesh out their characters a little more, so now they're not just robots somebody strangely designed to look like animals that you have to pound into dust - no, now they can also curse your ass out with the best of them. Although they still don't explain what a Kuwanger is... KUWANGER!!!

   The music has also been tweaked a little. Most of the tracks are the same as those in the original games, but remixed in a slightly more rocking, edgy way. While they're not necessarily any better, the old midi stuff just wouldn't have felt right with the visual upgrades. [Yep, Step 2 in 'Milking my video game cash cow 101'. You guessed it. - ed.]

Something old, something new.

   While there may be some cosmetic tweaks, this is essentially still the original Mega Man X. You run, jump, and shoot your way through eight themed stages until you reach a boss. Upon defeating said boss you gain his special weapon that you can then use at your leisure [ladies, try the vibrator function - ed.]. Each boss is weak against a particular other boss's special weapon, so defeating them in a specific order can make them as easy as that girl we all knew in college and even touched once. The stages themselves play out exactly the same (except for one or two of those in Sigma's fortress), right down to enemy placement, including even that weird bat in the Armadillo level that doesn't look like any of the others and always drops a 1-up no matter how many times you walk away and then back. God bless that little guy. Everything you know and love from the 1993 version is here; the mine carts with the spikes on the side, the robots that wreck up the highway by dropping spikes, and even the underwater spike pits. Did I mention the spikes? What would a Mega Man game be without plenty of spikes to kill you instantly? Crappy, that's what! So shut up!

   Actually, there is one thing that has been changed; a few of the armor placements are different from those in the original. The spots where you find the armor are pretty much the same, but what you find has been changed, and due to these new placements, they now definitely have to be collected in a specific order. While it's not a big deal, there didn't seem to be anything particularly wrong with the armor placements in the original, so one wonders what the point in moving them was. Most likely to appease the Illuminati. They're always watching us... Always watching...

   But altered armored placement (and my crazy ramblings) aside, gamers can expect the same rock-solid gameplay as the original Mega Man X. There was very rarely a little bit of slowdown, but this only came up when there was a really crazy amount of action on the screen. Of course, this is when tight control matters the most, but it really was rare enough not to make or break your purchase.

   While X was always a bit easy by Mega Man standards, the uninitiated (by which I mean folks who think Mario games are hard) will likely be somewhat surprised by the difficulty. They'll also be equally surprised at how quickly a little practice will improve their pathetic, girly-man skills. Yes, for any of you sad-sacks who are looking to learn some mad platforma skillz, or whatever slang the you youngsters use these days, Mega Man games (this one included) are great at teaching them to you, relatively painlessly. [And, in more good news, having never played the original, you won't notice those altered armor placements. Just wanted to mention those one more time. Because we know how deeply you care for them. Please, please! - you can thank us later. - ed.]

But wait, there's more!

   The biggest draw for veteran players comes once you finish the game as X. When attempting to start a new game you'll be offered the option to play as X or *GASP* Vile! And don't think this is simply a gimmick, like in most of the recent Castlevania games, in which the unlockable characters have bare-bones stats and no story. Vile not only has an ungodly amount of unique power-ups (considerably more so than X), but also a few brand-new anime cut-scenes! Yowza!

   Vile's play-through, while offering no new levels, features almost completely different level layouts that take into account his unique abilities. Trust me, I've played through Mega Man X roughly three-hundred billion times, and playing as Vile felt like a totally different game. Granted I was suffering from hunger-induced delirium and significant amounts of radon poisoning after being trapped at the bottom of an old well shaft for three weeks, but my statement still stands. Man it was good that I had my PSP with me. Also that it rained quite a bit.

In conclusion, go to hell.

   This is a great game. It doesn't matter that there wasn't really a reason for it to be made. Would you ignore a bag full of money if it fell out of the sky just because one just like it already fell out of the sky last week? Would you turn down a beautiful girl who asked you to go to a movie out of the blue with no reason whatsoever, TWICE? If a billionaire said he'd pay you 2 million dollars to read comic books all day, , instead of the agreed-upon 1 million, would you give him the finger? OF COURSE NOT!!! SO PLAY THE GAME!!!

       ... Mike Zeller

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