I absolutely hate zombies. Something about their rotting, shambling forms deeply unsettles me, and I've never been able to sit through a zombie movie without getting all freaked out and spending that night huddled under the covers with all the lights on. That is, of course, after I've wet the bed. So obviously it was a brilliant idea for me to play Stubbs the Zombie, a game where you act as one in a horde of undead attempting to bring down a city by eating the entire populace, one brain at a time. And yet, something about the game, perhaps Stubbs's rather laid-back attitude towards the whole affair, perhaps the vapid personalities of the townsfolk which just screamed out in need of a horrific disturbance, or perhaps simply the way the game so subtly parodies the American dream, rapidly won me over to the point that I really wanted the zombies to eat every last brain within the city limits.

   The game starts out with a grainy, black-and-white movie about the establishment of the utopian city of Punchbowl (think a sci-fi city but in a 1950's kind of way). Suddenly we are transported to the park where two young lovers prepare to share a hotdog only to be interrupted by a putrefying fist exploding out of the ground [certainly a fountain of ketchup would have been more welcome, but alas! - ed.]. Enter Stubbs, an easy-going fellow in a fedora who's a little confused as to his new surroundings. The one thing he's sure of, though, is that he likes the taste of fresh, pulsating brains. So, with that decided, he begins to messily devour as many as he can get his decaying mitts on.

Getting your undead groove on.

   Although he does pick up a bit of a secondary objective early on, Stubbs's main focus is solidly on brain-eating. Each mission essentially drops you in a section of the town where you wander about attacking random pedestrians. While bludgeoning them to death with your swinging arms works well enough, the coup de grace comes after you've tenderized them slightly and the message comes up to press Y to eat their brains. What follows is a horrific display of gore as Stubbs bites into the pedestrians head as one would a fresh apple [even zombies need their vitamins! - ed.] and consumes their gray matter while chunks of skull and gouts of blood spray in all directions. (Note to the kids: Don't let your parents catch you playing this one. They wouldn't understand.) The townsfolk react in a variety of ways to your blatant abuse of human rights; some will cower in fear or run in terror at your approach, while others will attack you with their fists or whatever else they can find lying around. All in all, though, the rank and file of Punchbowl are really no threat to an extra-lean, putrescent green, killing-machine like Stubbs. However, eventually someone has the brilliant thought to call the police (party pooper!). Punchbowl's thin, blue line is a bit more dangerous, as a fair amount of gunshots and Taser-strikes will return Stubbs to the great beyond, postage paid. In fact, once the cops start swarming, there's really no way Stubbs can handle things on his own. The answer; he needs to make some allies.

Attack of the Clones.

Beware of falling zombies.

   While the basic formula of "enter area, consume brains, get giggy, repeat" doesn't change much from the beginning to the end of the game, there are enough periodic twists to keep things interesting. Along with the handful of vehicles you'll periodically have access to, Stubbs will learn a variety of different moves such as the gut grenade (he hurls some of his well-aged innards which can be detonated like a grenade), a fart which incapacitates all nearby enemies (just like that kid you knew in high school), and probably coolest of all, the ability to throw his hand at enemies so he can control them. While controlling a hapless Punchbowlian [Punchbowlian.... Hehe.. hehehehehe...hehehe... oh God, I've got to lay off the green stuff... - ed.], Stubbs has access to all of his abilities, but more importantly, all of his firearms. Poor Stubbs can't use guns (his mom won't let him keep one in the grave) so hand-controlling police, gun-toting rednecks, soldiers, and the mayor's security is the only way to sate your lust for shooting people in the privates. This adds a pretty significant layer of depth, as it allows you to approach most areas in a variety of ways. Sure, you could just charge in with Stubbs and gang, but why not send a hand-controlled cop in their first to clear out some enemies so you don't lose so many of your decaying buddies? Later in the game this becomes particularly important, as it will be difficult or impossible to take out enemies like snipers or tanks with just a hand slap. However, enemies killed by controlled humans don't get the same sweet deal of turning into zombies as those manually slaughtered by the undead, so just like in real life, you'll have to weigh out whether it's more important to have friends or to slay your foes from a distance.

Sin City

   Probably the most interesting thing about this game is the way that, despite all the violence and bloodshed directed at an essentially innocent city full of people, it consistently maintains a relatively lighthearted mood. Not only that, but it succeeds in getting the player to actually want to see the innocents die in the most horrific manner possible. Now, I'm not implying my good friend Stubbs's game is in some way a piece of propaganda endorsing mass killing although I guess one could say the game is political, in a way.

   First, although the citizens of Punchbowl are "innocent", in that they didn't initiate the conflict with Stubbs, they're certainly not "good". They're all one dimensional, utterly self-involved stereotypes: the police are lazy thugs, the teens are whiney and vacuous, the businessmen are self-superior and patronizing, the scientists are oblivious and amoral, the farmers are crazy and violent, and the soldiers are brainwashed zealots. The whole lot are so wrapped up in themselves that they can't see anything beyond their own self-interests [and are clearly a perfect constituency to elect a president of a large industrialized nation - ed.] As a result, very early on the player comes to the conclusion that they all need a good, swift kick in the balls. Stubbs, the dead guy with the partially decayed brain, ends up being the most clever, most alive character of them all.

It's all fun and games until someone gets their legs ripped off.

   As a further point, the game is so over the top that its violence really can't be taken seriously [ain't stylized murder grand? - ed.]. Tear off a riot officer's arm and he may run around yelling, "NO! Now how will I juggle?" Shoot off someone's legs and they may lament about their new shoes before expiring (listen closely to the voice acting during battle, it's absolutely brilliant!). While going on a shotgun rampage with a hand-controlled farmer, a goofy little music track will be playing in the background that is so at odds with the carnage taking place it will be hard not to laugh until you soil yourself. The bad way. And don't even get me started about what happens after the police station level. So even though the player is committing some really gruesome acts, it's pretty easy to forget that fact and focus on the fun, and funny, gameplay.

   And finally, Stubbs himself is such a likeable character, it's hard to hold his, shall we say, unorthodox appetite against him. His large, expressive eyes possess a kind of childlike enthusiasm [I am trying hard not to cry here - ed.], and though he is certainly a violent character, his slapstick antics in cut-scenes paint him more as confused and clownish. Stubbs has the attitude of one who is caught up in events beyond his control but is content enough to enjoy things as they play out. Perhaps a sound example for us all.

If you build it, they will come... And then the zombies will come and eat them.

   Wrapping up the whole package is a wonderfully appropriate soundtrack consisting of electric-rock and techno covers of 1950s pop songs, and some solid, if not breathtaking graphics. The only real flaw the game sports is that a single play-through will only take you about half-a-dozen hours and some change. But playing as a good-natured zombie munching the minds of cookie-cutter townsfolk is something you'll probably want to do again and again. You sicko. It also would have been nice to see some more multi-player stuff other than just the co-op Story mode, as the Halo-sensibilities that the ex-Bungie guys brought to this game really made it feel like some humans-vs.-zombies team death matches would have been awesome. Or some cheerleaders-in-T-shirts-vs.-guys-with-hoses team death matches. Just some thoughts for a sequel, I suppose.

   Seriously, though, you Xbox owners old enough to buy M-rated games should all go out there and get this bad boy. It's a fairly unique game that will likely keep your interest piqued and a smile on your face right up until the final brain is eaten. You'll be grateful that you did. Just brush your teeth before you thank me. Please.

       ... Mike Zeller