gamelemon.com Web   GameLemon Review: Prototype. You need to bloody learn to stop bloody crying and just kick some bloody ass! Did I mention it's kinda bloody? GameLemon Review: Punch-Out!! Yey! Now there is a real reason to punch out your Wii! GameLemon Review: inFAMOUS. So... is it actually infamous? Well, "meh" seems to answer that quite nicely. GameLemon Review: And Yet It Moves. We love you indie games! But it would help if you sucked less. GameLemon Editorial: Microsoft Natal vs. Sony Motion Controller. Let the biting begin. GameLemon Review: World of Goo. Goo, goo, goo. Goo. GameLemon Review: Persona 4. It's got "persona"-lity. God, I just kill myself. GameLemon Review: Legendary. In a crappy kind of way. GameLemon Review: Halo Wars. Well, "Halo" there! GameLemon Review: Dawn of War 2. Looking good, war, looking good. Retroview: Resistance: Fall of Man. Looking back at the game that launched the PS3. GameLemon Review: Quantum of Solace. What, FOR THE PS2?!!! Yeah, what the hell. GameLemon Review: Dead Space. Give it enough time, and that's all that will be left of each of us. Deep, huh? GameLemon Review: Prince of Persia. So pretty, yet... All those blonde jokes suddenly come to mind. GameLemon Editorial: Twaddle, or a short history of bad writing in computer games. GameLemon Review: Killzone 2. The game ships tomorrow, but the reasons you need to start examining your couch for loose change are here today! GameLemon Review: Left 4 Dead. A game entirely unacceptable to Zombie Americans. Editorial: Top 5 Games that Ruined Gaming for Gamers GameLemon Review: Far Cry 2. It's good, far crying out loud! GameLemon Review: Fallout 3. Prepeare to "fallout" the window, if you haven't already. GameLemon Review: Too Human. Well, if to err is human, it's certainly an apt title. GameLemon Review: Banjo Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts. GameLemon Review: Mr. Robot. He is a lean, green entertainment machine. GameLemon Review: Sonic Unleashed. "Do not go gentle into that good night" seems to say it all :) GameLemon Review: Tomb Raider: Underpants. I mean, Underworld. GameLemon Review: Fable 2. Still Fable, and still fabulous. GameLemon Review: Dokapon Kingdom. Hey look, it's an actual practical reason for having friends! GameLemon Review: Spore. Breathe in and taste the bacterium. GameLemon Review: Gears of War 2. Come on, son, eat your aliens! GameLemon Review: Midnight Club Los Angeles GameLemon Review: Castle Crashers. 2D smack-down at its stylized best. GameLemon Review: Mega Man 9. 8-bits, brutal difficulty, and a full pantload of masochistic enjoyment. GameLemon Review: Mario Super Sluggers. Try not to get the lemon juice on your jammies, ok little buddy? GameLemon Review: Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. Hope you like alien barbeque. GameLemon Review: Final Fantasy IV. Yep, the numbers keep gettting smaller. Final Fantasy -II coming in 2009. GameLemon Review: NHL 2K9. It's hockey for the Wii, baby, shaken, not stirred. GameLemon Review: MLB Power Pros 2008. Who needs facial features when you have balls flying at your face all day anyway? GameLemon Review: Civilization: Revolution. Say hello to your new addiction. Oh, and stock up on Visine. GameLemon Review: Guitar Hero: On Tour. Bring your arthritis medicine. GameLemon Article: Man vs. Console: How Many Games Can A Man Beat In 24 Hours? GameLemon Review: Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures. Oh, to be young again. GameLemon Article: Zig and Mike's Top 10 Virtual Console Games GameLemon Review: Portal. Yes, yes, we had the balls to rip open The Orange Box and eat its heart out. Mmm, tasty. GameLemon Editorial: E3 2008: A Lesson In Epic Fail GameLemon Review: Boom Blox. Sometimes making things go "boom" is all you really need in life. Wait, does that make me sound like a terrorist? GameLemon Review: Metal Gear Solid 4. Yep, it's the last one. Please try not to cry. GameLemon Review: Ace Attorney: Apollo Justice. 10/10? Overruled! GameLemon Review: GTA IV. No, it's NOT all that! GameLemon Review: Lost Odyssey. Sometimes getting lost is the only way to get someone to notice you. GameLemon Review: Mario Kart Wii. Hello, Moto. GameLemon Editorial: The One Most Overrated Game of All Time GameLemon Review: Daxter. Vote 'Rodent' for President. GameLemon Editorial: Gaming For Dummies GameLemon Review: Super Smash Bros. Brawl. It's just smashing, darling. GameLemon Review: God of War: Chains of Olympus. Oh take me Kratos, take me!!! GameLemon Review: Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword. Platform: DS. Genre: Action/Adventure. God, I love semicolons. GameLemon Review: Call of Duty 4. Bottom line: it's 4 times better than chocolate milk. Oh yeah. GameLemon Editorial: 5 Games I Loathe That You Love. Yes, love hurts. GameLemon Review: Assassin's Creed. That's with 2 "asses". GameLemon Editorial: 5 Games I Love That You Loathe, by our new writer, Tim Sweeney! GameLemon Review: Opoona. No, it's not a koala bear, but you are pretty close. GameLemon Review: Tiger Woods PGA Tour '08. Remarkably, it's a game that is EXACTLY as exciting as it sounds. GameLemon Review: No More Heroes. Who thought it would be this nice to see in red? GameLemon Review: Overlord. Would you like a two-letter summary? "Eh." GameLemon Review: Silent Hill: Origins. Ok, so we weren't the first kid on the block to review the game (let's face it, when are we ever?), but at least we've got a certified SH fanboy to do it, and near 3000 words to show for it. GameLemon Blog: Check out our Lemon Drop review of Contra 4! GameLemon review: Folklore. If you like to beat off to games...ahem, I mean, off-beat games, this is one for you. GameLemon review: Dementium: The Ward. Yes, that IS where that stink is coming from. GameLemon review: Castlevania: The Dracula X Chronicles. Bet you are dying to know what the X stands for! GameLemon review: Mass Effect. Sure, you've heard what Fox News had to say about the game, but you know it was OUR thoughts you really wanted to hear all along. Go ahead, rejoice! Woohoo, GameLemon has finally launched its own proper blog! Like with posts, and comments, and RSS feeds and stuff. And, of course, with that trademark GameLemon sense of humor :) GameLemon review: Eternal Sonata, or how Chopin had to turn over in his grave to make room for an Xbox 360 controller. GameLemon review: Turok. It may be merely ok as a game, but it sure is a great reason to support global warming and genetic engineering. GameLemon review: The Simpsons Game. It's funny, it's sunny, and it's full of yellow. Now give Homer your sandwich! GameLemon review: Super Mario Galaxy. We know you know it's great, ok? And we know all about that huge Mario poster you have over your bed, too. GameLemon review: Uncharted: Drake's Fortune. Eat your breasts out, Lara Croft. Wow, now THERE is a visual. GameLemon review: Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass. It's 2000-freaking-8 and Link is STILL going strong. Ahh. GameLemon review: Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction. Even the greatest of games have the longest of names. Now go buy a PS3. GameLemon review: Lair. Now that you've all calmed down, let's discuss why the game REALLY sucked. GameLemon review: Beautiful Katamari. 3 words: Calamari is better. GameLemon review: Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. Our own neighborhood guitar hero legend Brad is on the (guitar) case. GameLemon review: Bioshock. Yeah, yeah, so we took our bloody time. You know you are in it for the jokes anyway ;) GameLemon review: Pokemon Diamond/Pearl. Poke me, mon, 'cause I am seeing Pokemon again! Ahh, that was close. GameLemon review: Crackdown. Seriously, put the crack down for a second. Go read a review or something. Geez. GameLemon review: God Hand. The words "funny", "flawed", and "made by mere mortals" happen to randomly come to mind. Hello, Blue-tiful! How about a little review of Blue Dragon on this fine afternoon? You've asked and you shall receive - say "Halo" to our Halo 3 review! Survival horror on the Wii?! You must think we are kidding. Alas, no, and its sad little name is Escape from Bug Island. (Hey, wasn't that Microsoft's internal code name for "Games for Windows"?) Continuing with last week's theme, we review Guitar Hero: We Had To Make Another Game So We Did. Also known as GH Encore: Rocks the 80s. Guitar Hero is devilishly tricky to review, mostly because it's so hard to rip yourself away from playing it long enough to actually put a couple of cohesive sentences together. Come appreciate Travis' gargantuan effort as he struggles to keep himself sufficiently focused to say a few words about GH2 for the 360 without making a drool pool. We've nursed ourselves back to health after the onslaught that followed the release of our last article, and we are ready for more beating. Except this time we've got our boxing gloves on! Step into the ring with the Top 15 Console RPGs of All Time! It's dinner time, and you better eat your vegetables, or Mama's gonna whip you up a spanking! If for some odd reason you'd like to hear more, go ahead and read our review of Cooking Mama: Cook Off. It's better than the game, anyway. Getting a funny feeling in your tummy? That's because you've been blessed with YET ANOTHER (God, has it been a year already?!) edition of Sucking Lemons! Or maybe it's that whole impending apocalypse thing that Melinda has been preaching. I feel a bout of amnesia coming on, so forgive me if I don't get the name of today's review exactly right...Magical Limbs? Bewitched Legs? Enchanted Arms? I am pretty sure it's one of those three. We know, we know - we are really spoiling you with this "barely one review in nearly two weeks" approach. But yes, we really DO love you THAT much. Now here is some DiRT on your face to prove it. Great Balls of Fire, it's Mario Strikers Charged for the Wii! This must be your lucky decade. I still can't decide on the whole pirate vs. ninja thing, but recent research (in the form of Okami) has revealed that wolves are also pretty cool. Special sale for LOTR junkies! Get one Lord of the Rings: Battle for Middle Earth II review and then get the same review again, FREE! Who says you can't golf with a baseball club? Just say "Super Swing Golf for the Wii" and you are all set! Want to be yelled at about the best Final Fantasy game ever? Come on down and see Mike review FFVI Advance. Hey look, it's that other reason to own a Wii! Super Paper Mario makes the grade. If you can't count too well, try adding up the numbers in 07/07/2007 and you might think that the sum equals the number of games in the Sega Genesis Collection for the PS2! If you CAN count, just read the review. We review Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. You rejoice because you are backing the Ninjas in that whole Pirates vs. Ninjas debate. Or you weep uncontrollably because you support the Pirates. Or you go get a sandwich because you are hungry and you don't give a crap either way. Oh yey, it's a shooter set in a Final Fantasy universe! Quick, someone euthanize me. When it comes to lists, small numbers suck. Big numbers are better. Haven't picked a side in this heated argument yet? Come check out our Top 25 Video Game Heroes of All Time article and form an opinion! Boy, those Final Fantasy stimulants sure don't wear off easily. Our latest hallucination on the subject: Final Fantasy XII for the PS2. We've been bad with updates, and we haven't really changed, but we will continue to pretend that we have. Meanwhile, here is a totally awesome review of Mortal Kombat: Armageddon for your guilty pleasures. This Fantasy may be Advance, but it sure isn't Final - it's only FFV! Unearth your love for some kind of freaky as we take you for a walk through the garden of Viva Piñata. An Empire Strikes Back! And it's name is Castlevania. Have you ever thought to yourself that us GameLemon dudes have way too much free time on our hands? Now you can see what we do with it! Check out what we are DIGGing on our new GLBlog page! You know it's a good thing we are called GameLemon, cuz of late, them lemons sure keep on coming. Welcome the latest contribution to the lemonade tornado - Children of Mana. Extra! Extra! This week only, Phr4nk is giving away free brain trauma! Get yours while supplies last by reading his review of Trauma Center: Second Opinion for the Wii. The review section of the site is going on a bit of a sabbatical till March 19th, but the RESET comic team is still going strong, updating weekly, like clockwork. Check them out and see you soon! Another TV-show-to-video-game conversion gone horribly wrong? Thanks a lot, 2K Games! Sorry, Family Guy. [02-14-07] - Sure you can play the new Legend of Zelda on the Wii, but we like being difficult, so we played it on the GameCube. Shake well and enjoy. [02-03-07] - Well, as they say in Japan, _ ?3 ????? (I was too lazy to install Japanese fonts), and who are we to argue? We complete our streak of reviewing weird games with a scarring look at Elite Beat Agents for the DS. We promise, we'll get back to real games next. For a short while, anyway. [01-29-07] - Ladies and gentlemen, we have lift-off, and the lemon juice is dripping! Today we are launching RESET, a unique comic strip about video gamers! Dork abuse has never been funnier, and for once, it's at someone else's expense. Press the left trigger to continue. [01-22-07] - Dragon freaking Ball Z: Budokai goddamn Tenkaichi. 2. Yep, we reviewed that. Just for you. [01-12-07] - Even as some of our lives are in mortal danger (I am moving this week), we continue to bring you award-winning reviews of some of the most terrible games on this planet. Please welcome Catz. [01-01-07] - Could anything be more appropriate for a first update of 2007 than a new edition of Sucking Lemons?! Well, possibly, but that's all've got, so suck it up and get salivatin'. [12-26-06] - Given that we totally scorned you for Christmas, we figured we'd put in a few extra hours and at least give you a little extra candy to snack on for New Years. Behold the candy-fruit of our slave labor: the Ten Most Underappreciated Games of All Time! [12-20-06] - Wondering what GameLemon got you for Christmas? Don't hold your breath! It's a review of a super short game about short superheroes that wear shorts that comes up short. In short - Justice League Heroes. Now get there in short order. [12-09-06] - Ninety nine pieces of goblin on the wall, ninety nine pieces of goblin... If only some new Xbox 360 games were as good as old drinking songs... [12-05-06] - Ultimately, you need to ally yourself with Marvel. Which is why you should go read our Marvel: Ultimate Alliance review. It will clear things up. Making them very unlike things in my head right now. Oh just go already! [11-27-06] - Sure it's a Pokemon game, but that only makes ripping it apart funnier! Come join our Circle of Cruelty as we poke fun at Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Blue Rescue Team! [11-18-06] - Don't get stuck between Gears of War! (Sorry, just wanted to say that. We do have a decidedly riveting review for you, however.) [11-11-06] - Lego your ego and admit to yourself that there is still a little boy inside that big hairy dude of yours. And they both like LEGO Star Wars II! [11-04-06] - It's Mega Man, the milker of franchises. His new title? Mega Man ZX. Sigh. [10-28-06] - Dreamfall: The Longest Journey gets the highest grade ever issued by GameLemon. AND it's got hot chicks. See you there. [10-20-06] - Come taste of a story dipped in Norse mythology, boys and girls. Today's dish: Valkyrie Profile: Lenneth for the PSP! [10-15-06] - Melinda is back with a new last name, a baby girl named Zelda, and a mouthful of Japanese candy. Now watch to her spit that nasty crap all over the front page in the new edition of Sucking Lemons! [10-10-06] - Support your local plumber, play the New Super Mario Bros. game today! Or read our review, at least. [10-04-06] - The elections are coming, and we must all pitch in in our small retarded little ways. Us, we review a game with rabid political undertones. [09-28-06] - The PSP can use all the quality titles it can get - even if they are remakes of remakes of classics - and Mike spots another one for you in the form of Mega Man Maverick Hunter X. Let the M's begin! [09-21-06] - A 9.5 for a PSP game?!! Either somebody has been putting white stuff in Mike's beer or we are just plain old screwing with you! [09-16-06] - Doing one review at a time is for weenies! Hold on to your wedgies as you watch Mike tackle the entire Suikoden series in one fell swoop! [09-07-06] - Miss the great arcade action games of old? Let Mike breastfeed your nostalgia with Metal Slug 4 AND 5! [08-30-06] - Last time we reviewed a game whose title we couldn't properly pronounce. No need to change what works - here is our look at Atelier Iris 2. [08-18-06] - You know, we don't even know how to properly *pronounce* 'Suikoden V'. We can still review it, though :) [08-03-06] - Mike. You. Shadow Hearts: From the New World review. Now. You WILL be assimilated! [07-24-06] - Just as we thought we had gotten rid of him for good, than loon Vaga shows up with another review. And what game does he pick? Why, Psychonauts, of course! [07-18-06] - We've finally taken the veil off SGRS - the Subjective Game Ranking System! Come learn what it's all about and how you can help! [07-17-06] - Mario? Superstar? Baseball? This is clearly some of the best stuff that a Japanese-American love affair can offer! If you don't believe me, take Mr. Onion's word for it. [07-14-06] - Pretty pretty guns. Poor, poor game. We have fun laughing at it anyway. Join us as Mike rips through the yet another overhyped FPS - Black. [07-07-06] - What happens when you put a little GameLemon juice on Kingdom Hearts II? Is there fizz, crackle and pop or just a shiny, healthy glow? Find out as Mike Zeller takes a look at this hotly anticipated sequel! [06-26-06] - We admire Ellix's courage for dancing in public. Or reviewing dancing games on public websites, as the case may be. Today's performance? DDR: Mario Mix! [06-17-06] - You haven't forgotten the E3 yet, have you? What? Well, it's time to remember it again with the second (and hotly anticipated, might we add!) part of our E3 experience extravaganza! [06-15-06] - We are not big fans of playing with tiny things, but apparently there are enough people out there who feel differently. Read Mike's review of Electroplankton! [06-11-06] - We are such girls. It's not even midsummer yet, but we already gave our front page a bit of a makeover. See if you like it - comments at admin@gamelemon.com will be appreciated as always! [06-02-06] - Are you a tiny robot who loves to clean?!! Ok, me neither, but Chibi-Robo is, and according to Ellix, he is awful fun to play with. Read the review and find out for yourself! [05-26-06] - So you've read all about the games, but do you have any idea WHAT IT WAS REALLY LIKE to BE at the E3? Join us for an exclusive inside look at E3: The Experience! [05-19-06] - Well, Da Vinci Code the game is out, and frankly, we don't care a hell of a lot. Do you? Come defecate the forums and let us know! [05-17-06] - That sweet, mouth-watering E3 article is coming soon, but while you wait, feast your little self on our review of Dragon Quest VIII! Mike here will walk you through. [05-10-06] - Well, poor little I slaved and slaved and now all my heaps of E3 news emails are beautifully summarized for you in one almost concise post, which you will read or at least bloody glance at if it's the last thing I do. Oh yeah. [05-08-06] - It's spring where we are, but Chuck just can't get enough of the white stuff. Read his review of SSX On Tour! [04-25-06] - No reviews for nearly 3 weeks - bad. Review of an awesome brain-eating zombie game - good. We know you've missed that lemony taste in your life, so hurry back for that long-awaited fresh lick! [04-07-06] - So who was it, you ask, that had the nerve to review The Bible Game AND give it an abysmal grade? We did, of course. This is one review you read for the humor, kids. [03-30-06] - He just wanted to play a little Bond, but alas, here was a game lemon if there ever was one. Weep along with Chuck as he takes a look at From Russia With Love. [03-24-06] - Sweet Mary and baby Jesus! A season has barely turned, and Melinda is back already with a new edition of her column! Suck on a lemon, will ya? [03-22-06] - Ok, we admit it. Mike has a Mega Man addiction. But there is no reason for YOU to cry about it! This week's disease: the Mega Man X Collection! [03-20-06] - Think your boss is bad? Think twice! Check out our article on Top Ten Video Game Bosses of All Time! (If you still think your boss makes the cut, call Oprah. I am sure she'll want to hear about it.) [03-12-06] - Mike Laments the Cursing of the Innocence of the Darkness... oh just FORGET it! It's the new Castlevania review, ok?! [03-07-06] - Mega Mike gives Mega Man a makeover. No, not really, but he did just review Mega Man Battle Network 5: Double Team for the DS. [02-28-06] - Could the rumors be true? Could the crazy finale of vaga's demented 3-article series on God-knows-what finally be complete?! Check your sanity at the door and find out! [02-23-06] - Half-Life 2 got a 7.0? Whaaaat? Let the lynching begin! [02-16-06] - Mike gives a game a 4.9. It's the event of the season! Find out what sucks THAT much! [02-09-06] - Some people can really appreciate a game with a solid sense of humor. A game like Radiata Stories. Join Mike Zeller's appreciation clinic now! [02-01-06] - Joe got infected by a parasite that makes him play Resident Evil 4 over and over again until YOU read his review. Get to it. [01-29-06] - We tried desperately to keep Mike away from the Gun, but he just couldn't be held back. You might as well read the review! [01-24-06] - Ratchet and Clank: Going Mobile falls into vaga's cold, even hands. Shivers! [01-17-06] - Joe takes on The Warriors and comes out alive. You have to read it to believe it! [01-07-06] - He may not be one of the X-Men, but he can sure crank out a game review! Mike Zeller looks at X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse. [12-31-05] - Only a handful of reviewers had the balls to say the whole truth about Shadow of the Colossus, and our own Mike Zeller is one of them. [12-30-05] - Rumor has it you've been a bad little gamer this year! Fortunately for you, that's exactly the kind of behavior we encourage here at GameLemon. Your prize? Holiday edition of Sucking Lemons! [12-21-05] - It's party time with Mario again! Ah, memories reborn! Check out what Ellix had to say on the subject in her review of Mario Party Advance! [12-14-05] - Who cares about old games for old platforms? We do! At least when Angus writes about them. Check out his Retroview of Turok: Dinosaur Hunter! [12-03-05] - Mike Zeller is back from his little gothic castle getaway, and he has got a review to prove it. Read his Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow review now, or die trying. [11-29-05] - Yes, it's the moment you've been waiting for! The exciting second issue of Philosopher's Corner is now live! [11-27-05] - Ever wonder what it would be like to virtually milk a cow? Follow along with Ellix as she gets her hands dirty in her review of Harvest Moon: Another Wonderful Life! [11-23-05] - Major site update! New pages, columns, articles, with more to come over the next few weeks! [11-20-05] - Laugh in the face of the future! Mike Zeller bravely traverses the folds of time to bring you his review of TimeSplitters Future Perfect Larry Laffer lives! (or his nephew does, anyway). Our review of Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude. Review: Sega After Burner II. Sweet Mary and baby Jesus. What a game. Feeling overly youthful? Take a step back in time with our new (but really old) Quest 64 review! Twisted Metal: Head On for the PSP roars into the review section! Yeeehaa! The site has (finally!) been brand spanking optimized for FireFox! Support for other animals coming soon. New review by a new reviewer! Pete Tzinski looks at The Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction. home | reviews | philosopher's corner | sucking lemons | forums | jobs | links | about us | contact | privacy  Friends and Neighbors: | | | | Copyright @2005-2009 GameLemon, Inc. All Rights Reserved.