Gears of War designer Cliff Bleszinski, more commonly known under the moniker ‘CliffyB’, announced yesterday that he no longer wishes to be called by that name, since it is not consistent with his current lifestyle and life goals. When asked whether this essentially means that he has decided to become an old fart, Cliffy smiles, and answers: “Precisely.”

Apparently, old fartdom has been a long time dream of the renowned game designer. Over the past several years, Bleszinski has often contemplated officially beginning his apprenticeship as an old fart, but the unbridled enthusiasm of millions of teenage gamers over Gears of War has made it difficult. “Now that the hiatus over the original Gears of War has gone down, and the hiatus over Gears of War 2 has not yet begun in earnest, I feel like I have a precious window of opportunity to finally embark on the path to my life long dream”, says Cliff.

And what’s so attractive about being an old fart? According to Bleszinski, the benefits are plenty. “They eat what they want, don’t need to look good for the ladies, and don’t have to move around a lot,” says the game designer formerly known as CliffyB. “They can just sit at their desks, scratch their bellies, and lament the unfairness of life. And, because of the added weight, they are a lot steadier on their feet during strong winds. And that’s just cool.”

To be sure, the journey towards old fartdom will not be easy. Bleszinski ’s first goal: gain 15 pounds and grow 50 gray hairs in the next six months. These are the minimum acceptance requirements that have been set for the renowned designer by the Old Fart Association of America.

At 33 years of age, some critics say Bleszinski’s entry into the ranks of old farts may be a little premature. But the designer disagrees. “Early old fartdom runs in my family,” he says. “My father became an old fart when he was only 31. And my grandfather is rumored to have entered his apprenticeship even earlier, in his late twenties. Sure, people didn’t live as long in those days, but still, by my family’s standards, I am a few years behind.”

Not all fans are thrilled with Bleszinski’s new move. One totally random eighteen year-old self-proclaimed gamer we met on the street called the decision “nucking futs”. And another twenty five year old said that “in 10 years, he’ll be begging for someone to call him CliffyB again”. But Bleszinski is not deterred. “In 10 years, they will understand,” he says.

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