Mothers Day is coming up.
So, in honor of the recent baby girl boom here at Game Lemon. (Game Lemon’s editor and resident Boy Band Fanatic, Vaga, likes to brag non-stop about his baby girl, but I did the baby girl thing almost 2 years ago…way before it was cool.) I think a Mother’s Day blog entry is in order. What are you getting for mom this year? What? You’re too busy playing video games to call your mom? Shame on you. You know she used to change your diapers right? Uh huh. Well, you know that, before you had the finger dexterity to do it for yourself, she also used to pick your nose for you, right? She used a tissue because she’s a lady, but still, it was a lot of work. And now you can’t be bothered to put down the wiimote long enough to buy a crappy ass bunch of flowers. Nice. Real freaking nice. If you’re going to be that lazy, here are some crappy games you can buy for mom the next time you hit GameSpot. You should find them in the bargain bin, but knowing GS, they will probably be featured on an end cap for the low, low price of 39.95.
Bratz Super Babyz
Nintendo DS
Mom’s love babies. And what could be better than a baby? A baby with whore-ish hair and make-up! I think the original tagline for this game was “Look, up in the sky, it’s a hot chick…No it’s a drag queen…. Oh no! It’s just a really slutty baby!” Seriously, this is all Nintendo has to say about this game: Play as Cloe, Sasha, Jade and Yasmin and use their special new super-powers to help the citizens of Stylesville fend off an invasion of aliens from outer space!
Um, no thanks. Warning: only buy this for your mom if you hate her.
If you like your babies sans eyeliner, then there’s also:
Babyz. Imagine. DS
Ooh. It’s like Harvest Moon, only instead of raising vegetables, you’re raising babies. Unless you seriously screw up. Just kidding, I don’t know for a fact that “coma baby” is included in this edition of Babyz…but it might be. Tragic. Speaking of tragic, this is what Imagine has to say about this game:
The first ever SIM game focused on babies, Imagine Babyz speaks to the caring nurturer in you! It points out important tools you need to be a good sitter while giving you tons of ways to make errands and housework fun—whether you’re dressing the kids up to go shopping, buying baby food, vacuuming their rooms, painting the walls pink or mowing the lawn. And the work pays off when you get to spend your hard-earned money on decorating your house! Ooh-la-la!
You know what, I completely disagree with the whole idea of a baby sim. If teenaged girls want to practice being baby mommies, they can do it the same way we did: with actual babies.
Warning: Don’t buy this for your creepy uncle. Come on. The dude has enough trouble trying to fit into society as is without getting caught on the bus playing a Baby SIM.
Or you could just get her a Lemmy doll. All moms love Lemmy!
May 6th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
They ought to have a Motorhead Babies video game- y’know like Muppet Babies- only METAL! Given that most Motorhead groupies are now wearing diapers anyway, there seems to be a natural fit here.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:08 am
As a mother myself, I agree: We all love Lemmy! Perhaps it’s because of that movie, Down and Out With the Dolls (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0283323/), in which Lemmy is living in a closet in the flophouse that houses an all-girl band. I also loves me some Bratz, though.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Holy fishnets! I forgot all about that sweet ass movie! Lemmy lived in the closet…and didn’t he sporadically give fatherly advice to the girls? Oh the genius!
May 7th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Well, we finally have concrete evidence that proves that I am not a mother - I have no idea who Lemmy is. Oh, and a baby simulator has got to be the worst idea for a game EVER. Changing real diapers is bad enough - oh guess what, dear?! - now you can spend your 3 minutes of actual free time a week doing more of that… virtually!!!! Yeah, thanks.
May 7th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Lemmy is the lead singer of a British Heavy metal band Motorhead…hmm…how can I explain this to a gamer. Remember Tony Hawk 3? Remember that one song from the soundtrack that played over and over again, Ace of Spades? (Grind rail, jump, ollie, fall…The Ace of Spa-ades/ The Ace of Spades!) That was Motorhead.