My Kingdom for a Quarter!

If you are too young to remember the original Contra, congratulations, because you probably still have two solid decades of Viagra-free sex left in you. That’s something to be happy about. If you DO remember the original Contra, however, we have good news for you as well: you can now rekindle those undoubtedly awesome memories with Contra 4 for the DS.

Contra 4 looks and feels much like the original. The AI is not any smarter, the movement is not any smoother, there is but 1 new “move”, and many of the weapons are the very same ones you learned to know and love when you last played this game in that other, soon to be completely forgotten century. In short, this is a real nostalgia game. If you’ve never played the original, you’ll probably wonder what all the fuss was about in the first place, and I can’t really blame you, because Contra 4 does not abide by any rules of today’s video gaming. It’s a game that doesn’t let you save and reload, doesn’t care to hand you a handkerchief when you get your ass handed to you on a rocket propelled grenade, doesn’t care about playing “fair”, and is generally built to punish you and take your every last quarter. It’s brutal, it’s simple, it’s hardcore. And if you were lucky enough to have been gaming 15-20 years ago, it’s awesome. As for you all you kids under 20, don’t bother. It’s nothing personal, but chances are, you won’t really like this game. It doesn’t matter how much of a hardcore gamer you think you are. It doesn’t even matter how much of a hardcore gamer you really are. This kind of hardcore is just different.

Graphically the game looks much like the NES original, with attractive 2D graphics, with some fake 3D perspective thrown in in a few places. The dual DS screen allows for levels which are twice as tall, and the game does a good job of making use of that real estate, even in levels that scroll horizontally as opposed to vertically. Controls are exactly as you remember them - you can run, lie down, do the famous spinning jump, and, new in this installment, use a grappling hook to lift yourself to platforms above. And of course, every move can (and should!) be combined with lots and lots of shooting. Enemies in the form of enemy soldiers, beasts, and stationary guns of all kinds swarm you constantly from all directions, and bullets, grenades, and various other projectiles are constantly drifting through the screen. Get hit with one, once, and you die. Die enough times, and you have to use up a continue. Use up those and you are done. Wipe your nose, wussy! Can you say “arcade style shooter” yet?

One of the things that made the original Contra so successful was the awesome level design, and thankfully, Contra 4 doesn’t disappoint in that department. The levels are consistently fun, varied, and challenging. Environments change from jungles, to factories, water and air levels, and other usual suspects, and everything looks clean and attractive in that distinctive Contra art style. The famous base levels with their from-behind perspective are back, except now they have a bit of a fake 3D feel to them, which takes nothing away from their great target practice gameplay. Weapons (many of them classics from the original) will not disappoint you either, and picking up the same weapon twice will result in an upgraded version, which is very nifty. As with the original Contra, having a fully tricked out weapon by the time you get to the level boss makes all the difference in the world, although each one can also be taken out with the default gun (albeit with a lot more skill and effort). The bosses themselves are classically massive and, like school teachers, require you to basically memorize their attack pattern in order to dispatch them. Overall, the game is as hard as you might expect, but that only doubles the fun, and the great classic audio tracks that come along with it round out the package nicely.

Contra 4 is a great game to take on the road (which is where most of us working folk do our gaming), and, like viagra-free sex, is great for delivering lots of fun in short bursts. And if you haven’t had sex yet, please, stay away from this game. We don’t want you dirtying its memory with your negative comments, and besides, you have other things to worry about.

Grade: 9.0 if you were born before 1983, 7.5 otherwise.

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 16th, 2008 at 4:12 pm and is filed under Game Chat, Lemon Drops. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.