…but someone has finally gotten 100% on “Through the Fire and Flames” on Expert difficulty in Guitar Hero III. Chris Chike, who had set the previous point record for GHIII with 840,647 on the insanely fast and ridiculous song (it even got him in the Guinness Book of World Records), had his camcorder up and running when he blasted through the song without missing a note, demolishing his old score and freaking the hell out of average GH players everywhere. (He ended up just shy of 1 million, so we’re still not sure if South Park got that “special message” part right or not.)

Head over to 1up.com for the video and entire story, and then go burn your guitar and copy of the game, because you’ll never be able to play the game again without feeling the shame of knowing someone is actualy THAT GOOD at it.

I tell you, those damn Princeton kids. Not only do they actually dare make it into Princeton (while you weren’t so lucky as to even score a measly interview), JUST so that they could throw it into your non-Ivy-League-going face, they also apparently think its acceptable to get summer internships at top NYC PR firms, go to Hard Rock Cafe, hang out with the creators of Guitar Hero and a little band called AEROSMITH (all under the premise of doing actual work, of course), and then bring home staff passes to said event so they could wave it non-chalantly in front of you, and say lazily, “hey, do you want this?”

And then, when your stunned ass asks them what they are doing with it, they kindly explain that they got to be within inches of the Aerosmith guitarists as they exchanged pleasantries with the GH guys - and then innocently inquire whether “you know that game?”

Ok, I am exaggerating a bit, but still, if she wasn’t my own sister, I swear I’d strangle her with my own three hands and twelve toes.

At least I had the good judgement to swap out her lunch for a Monkey Island CD one day when she was around 12, so she is actually not a total video game ignoramus, and can tell a good video game from a horse’s ass.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in that corner there, brooding and weeping a little bit. All by myself. Without Aerosmith.

If you’re like me, you’re eagerly counting the days until the next Bond movie, Quantum of Solace, hits theaters in November. Until then, we have to make do with the recently released kick-ass trailer, and the release of information about the tie-in videogame. But unlike the heaping piles of bantha fodder that most movie-to-game licenses result in, the Bond series not only has plenty more potential for good, it’s been pretty reilable in the recent past (GoldenEye: Rogue Agent excluded).

GameInformer recently got some more in-depth info on the gameplay, and Quantum of Solace: The Video Game looks amazing. Taking players through the stories of both Casino Royale and the new flick, you’ll get to be Bond and run, jump, shoot, and drive your way through the danger that awaits.

Now, some of you may be saying, after reading the article, “Uh oh. A first-person Bond? Nothing will ever come close to GoldenEye 64.” And you will have a very valid point. Let me inform you, however, that QofS is being built (by Activision) on the Call of Duty 4 first-person engine, and a lot of people have said some pretty nice things about how that game handles. Also, in addition to the standard FPS segments, you’ll also get some third-person views (mostly in cover-based situations), and action segments - like the construction site chase from Casino Royale - that play almost like Tomb Raider button-timing sequences, though early rumors suggest that they won’t be simple button presses as in those games, and you won’t automatically die the first time you screw up.

So go get your tux ironed and dry-cleaned, because November will be here before we know it.

I know Rafael would be very disappointed with any interest in this, but Bungie has a cool little event of sorts going on for the next week. In honor of the upcoming “Bungie Day” (July 7, due to their 7th Column obsessions and other such number-related geeknesss… it’s all explained on the website), people have been noticing that the UNSC Campaign Kill Count, which is constantly updated on Bungie.net, has been creeping steadily closer to 7,000,000,000. Yes, that’s 7 BILLION kills. In campaign!

In order to help those players interested in lending a hand toward this monumental achievement, Lukems over at Bungie has posted his list of levels and difficulties that allow for the most kills in the shortest amount of time. So get out there, join up with some friends, and get fragging!

As of 7:25 AM Eastern, the count stood at 6,852,064,525.

Hey, remember when THQ first announced deBlob for the Wii? It sounded like such a fun game, artsy and kinda cute but still with enough “serious” type gameplay to interest nearly everyone who owns the system. People were psyched about it, and previews and information was rampant on tv and the web, especially right after the Wii launched in November 2006. And then it disappeared. Oh, wait, then E307 came around, and we got to see the game in action again. Maybe it’ll be out soon! ……no, not yet. No reasons, no announcements, just disappointed gamers who wouldn’t get to relive their childhoods by splattering paint all over the neighborhood.

Well, good news has finally arrived (again)! deBlob has a release date, and we can only hope and pray that it sticks to it this time. Get ready to make a virtual mess and save the world from the black-and-white I.N.K.T. Corporation on September 22.

Now, there’s nothing official I’ve found to suggest this, but it’s possible that the delay had something to do with ownership of the title. As you can see here, the game was originally designed as a copmuter game by some university students. Although THQ had obviously obtained some of the rights - and the code - when they were showing off functional versions on actual Wii consoles, perhaps the kids thought they deserved more cash. Perhaps we’ll never know, but at least we can be happy that the game is finally on its way (we hope).

In this month’s issue of Wired magazine, readers can find a little snippet of an interview with the grand-daddy of video gaming, Shigeru Miyamoto. Thankfully, the cool folks over at Wired have provided the full text of the 90-minute interview for perusal on their website. It’s definitely interesting hearing the thoughts and ideas of the man behind Mario, Zelda, and many more of your favorite things for the past 20+ years. While much of the interview focuses on Wii Fit and Miyamoto’s inspirations and reactions to it (it’s the first issue published after the game was released), he does go into some detail about other inspirations, the rest of the gaming world, and fat people.

What I found is that just in the lifestyle today, people have fewer and fewer opportunities to get exercise. When I was growing up, I would spend my days running around in the hills and mountains of Kyoto, and there probably aren’t many kids who are doing that now. But, I think that that’s not necessarily the cause of videogames so much as the change in lifestyle.

Unfortunately, there’s no video to the interview, meaning we can’t see any of Miyamoto’s trademark antics. Check it out when you get the chance, as it’s well worth the read. Hell, this man pretty much invented everything you’ve done with your spare time for the last 20 years (he created the original NES controller, paving the way for every device that followed).

(Picture grabbed from Wired.com. Thanks!)

Okay, yes this game sucks, but so what? You know you’re going to download it. Why? Because the next time your mom comes over and, after her eighth scotch and whisky, says “Oh show me how this Wiiiiiiiii thingie works.” You can turn the thingie on, point to Family Table Tennis and let her have at it while you go and do something productive..like hide the rest of the booze…in your throat.

And this is probably just me, but with it’s four or five randomly banal locations and glorified-pong gameplay, this game reminds me of a non-pornographic DOA Xtreme Beach Volleyball…and y’all know how I loves me some DOA Xtreme Beach Volleyball. But I can’t really play it around my two year old, lest she develop unnatural expectations of the size of her impending boobies.

Anyone under the age of 12 won’t be nearly as excited about this as the rest of us (slackers), but news has arrived that Mega Man 9 is a reality, and it won’t cost full retail! The latest installment - which harkens back to the old school-style visuals and 2-D gameplay - will release on Nintendo’s WiiWare download service. That way all you youngins will get the chance to experience one of the greatest platforming series of all time the way it was meant to be played - not in some RPG-ish chess match against the little squeaky dudes in the hardhats.

The article, posted on 1up.com, reveals that the game may in fact be heading to other platforms as well (XBL? PSN?). Check the full text for all the details.

Nintendo announced its lineup of top first party games for the forseeable future today with this press release on their website. Among the titles is a new platformer starring Mario’s fart-filled flabby fiend, Wario, which promises that “veterans and newcomers alike can run, jump and smash their way through hectic side-scrolling stages” using a traditional, sideways Wii remote style control scheme. Wario Land: Shake It! is expected September 29.

In somewhat more disappointing news, Mario Super Sluggers has seen its release date slip from the original “late June/early July” timeframe to August 25, just in time for training camps to open back up… football training camps, that is. I guess not all baseball games can nail down that pre- or early-season release date. New Mystery Case Files and Kirby games are headed to the DS as well.

Its nice to finally have some solid dates and actual upcoming titles from Nintendo, but this soon to E3, we can only hope that they still have something big in store to announce before the masses.

I’ve always been under the impression that the PSN could rival the Wii’s Virtual Console if the publishers unsheathed their heads from their sphincters and began releasing more PSX games as “PS1 Classics”. Thus far, the list of PS1 Classics you can download is mediocre at best. But that changed in Japan today, as our beloved Square-Enix (of “Sword of Mana” fame; they also worked on some obscure franchise called “Last Fantasy” or something of the sort) has released on PSN what might just be the best console RPG I have ever played (not to mention the one with the most gratuitious sprite nudity) -”Xenogears”.

This somewhat unknown title is not only the best, but also the longest RPG I’ve played, spanning its incredible plot (don’t believe anyone who claims “X” game has the best story in a videogame ever unless they’ve played “Xenogears”; that’s Leon’s lesson number 1) for somewhere around 60 hours. So offering the otherwise difficult to find title through download for only 600 yen is a fantastic offer, if you ask me (and you should).

This is the first release out of 12 other Square-Enix games which are planned to become available on PSN, but no plans have been revealed about sharing the love with the rest of the world. Until then, Japanese gamers are in for one hell of a treat.

Complimentary videogame nudity brought to you by Square-Enix.