Author: Mike Zeller and Vaga

   There are any number of things that make a video game memorable: excellent gameplay, breathtakingly gorgeous graphics, an engaging story, unexpected full-frontal male nudity, etc. But one thing that is guaranteed to make games stick in players' heads like a pickaxe after a mine explosion are quality characters. A visually distinct hero with a great personality (and nowadays well-delivered dialogue) can change a game from just being a fun diversion to something that is an absolute blast to play. And don't doubt for a second that well-designed characters are responsible for changing some of the best games into some of the best franchises. We think it's high time that some of these folks got the credit they deserve. So join us in this journey of appreciation as we count down the TOP TWENTY-FIVE VIDEO GAME HEROES OF ALL TIME! Why so many, you ask? Because with Link, Mario, Solid Snake and a handful of other heavy-hitters that are impossible to ignore, a list of say, TEN, heroes would scarcely leave room for any surprises. And we want surprises. We want those "oh-yeahs" and "ooo-aaahs". Now hang on one second while Mike takes a whiz and we'll get started.

(Note: Just a heads-up, we will be making references to characters' histories, so consider this your spoiler warning.)

25) Stubbs the Zombie

   Seeing how the fetid undead are frequently cast as antagonists in video games, it seems only fitting that one of them starts our list of greatest heroes. For those of you not fortunate enough to have played his excellent game, Stubbs' adventure is a twist on the old "zombies-overrunning-a-city" formula, in that the player controls the zombies. But Stubbs is no simple mindless corpse. From his large, expressive eyes to his oft-commented-upon garish tie, Stubbs' design instantly differentiates him from your typical walking dead. He also has a great deal more drive than most other zombies I've met. Stubbs pursues his twofold goal of crushing those who wronged him and reuniting with the woman he loves with determination and style. And though he spends most of his game mauling people and eating their brains, there is a childlike innocence about him that makes it hard not to take his side in his violent struggle against the vacuous citizens of Punchbowl. Truly, he is a prince among corpses.

Prominent Titles: Stubbs the Zombie in "Rebel Without a Pulse"

24) Vivi

   Awwwww, lookit' him go! I challenge any of you reading this to watch little Vivi scurry across the screen and not giggle like a schoolgirl at his big floppy hat and big floppy shoes bouncing all over the place. In fact, it's making me titter just thinking about it. Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! ...Ahem! Anyway, Vivi embodies all of the more cutesy aspects of the Final Fantasy series, but the darker edge of his quest of self-discovery prevents him from becoming sickeningly sweet in the way some other Final Fantasy characters have (Rikku? Yufi? Anyone?). In fact, Vivi is probably one of the most philosophical characters in all of Final Fantasy, over the course of his quest confronting ideas like mortality and destiny and emerging from his conflict with a deepened sense of identity and hardened resolve. And the little guy will definitely go down as one of Final Fantasy's most devastating Black Mages, as his spells can really tear it up. Even most of the deadliest enemies in Final Fantasy IX don't stay standing too long after he's nailed them with Flare. Though his design may appeal to the same part of our brains that secretly loves chocobos, moogles, and cactuars, Vivi is in fact a deep, fully fleshed-out character whose complexity stands as a testament to the quality of Final Fantasy's storytelling.

Prominent Titles: Final Fantasy IX, Kingdom Hearts II

23) Blade & Stryker

   I doubt many people will recognize the names, so let me clarify by saying that these guys are the Bad Dudes. That's right, I'm talking about the heroes of the beloved 80's arcade beat-'em-up, Bad Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja. Now, upon making that clear, I don't see that there's really anything else to explain, other than perhaps why they aren't higher up on the list. I mean, c'mon! These guys are bad dudes! It says so right in the title. And they don't just fight regular ninjas, they fight freaking Dragon Ninjas! Have any of you actually seen this game? Two guys in sleeveless t-shirts walk down the street killing literally hundreds of ninjas by punching them to death. After kicking the ass of this psycho kabuki warrior that they have to duel on the strut of a helicopter, they rescue President Ronald Reagan (R.I.P.) who promptly takes them out for hamburgers. Now how could these guys not rank among the greatest heroes?

Prominent Titles: Bad Dudes vs. Dragon Ninja

22) Lenneth Valkyrie

   In Valkyrie gamers finally have a female hero who is more than just a walking pair of breasts in a bikini (not to disparage any of the lovely ladies of the Dead of Alive series by any means). A grim-faced ice queen, Valkyrie is a brutal warrior who slaughters monsters and claims the souls of fallen heroes, all without showing any emotion besides righteous anger. Watching her initiate a sixteen-hit combo culminating in her hammering a giant, burning lance through a foe is enough to convince anyone (even Misogynist Jim) that she is the equal of any male hero. Towards the end of Valkyrie Profile, though, if gamers have met certain criteria, they will get to see a more feminine side of Valkyrie when she confronts her origins and the tragedies of her past. But even when she is weeping for her lost love, she never compromises the warrior's fierceness the player sees burning in her eyes. She is definitely one of the most multifaceted female lead character in a video game.

Prominent Titles: Valkyrie Profile: Lenneth

21) Master Chief

   If there is any character in the ranks of video game heroes who has claim to the title "Number-One, Stone-Cold, No-Nonsense Badass" it's the Master Chief. This guy clubs shrieking, slavering alien storm troopers to death with the butt of his shotgun, rides bombs free-falling a la Dr. Strangelove into the heart of enemy warships, and survives being mauled by sentient fungus all while speaking only a handful of brief lines in his gravelly, action-hero voice. And while he's certainly a badass, there is also something somewhat unsettling about Halo's taciturn protagonist who has survived two games with essentially no character development. In this case, though, it seems more like a conscious act by the developers as opposed to laziness. His origins, his identity, heck even his face, are a mystery to the player. Actually, the only things we really know about the Master Chief is that he's some kind of elite cyborg soldier and that he's really, really good at killing. Just like grandma.

Prominent Titles: Halo, Halo 2

20) Ryu

   Since one-on-one fighting games as they are today really began with Street Fighter II, it's safe to say that stock-character mainstay of all fighting games, the young, honorable, and well-balanced martial artist out to hone his skills began with Ryu. Without Ryu there wouldn't be any Liu Kang, Terry Bogard, Akira Yuki, or even probably any Ky Kiske. In fact, Ryu's play style, which requires the player to rotate the joystick to pull off various moves, and even some of the moves themselves such as the fireball and the burning uppercut, have imprinted themselves onto some character or even a few characters in almost every fighting game. While most characters in fighting games tend to emphasize strength, speed, range, or durability, it is Ryu and his ilk who are almost always the most well-rounded, jack-of-all-trades kinds of fighters. They serve as a kind of constant in the universe of fighting games and are great entry fighters for people new to a particular game. But Ryu's persona is just as important as his fighting style. Unlike pretty much all the other characters in the Street Fighter Tournament who fight for vengeance, monetary compensation, or pride, Ryu fights with no ulterior motives. He enters the tournament to test himself and learn the truths that can only be discovered by pushing the human body and soul to its limits. What a guy. So when your kids wake up in the middle of the night screaming "Hadouken!!!" at the top of their lungs - don't be scared. Be proud. They've chosen a worthy role model.

Prominent Titles: Street Fighter II, Street Fighter Alpha 3, Marvel vs. Capcom 2, Capcom vs. SNK 2: Mark of the Millenium 2001

19) Earthworm Jim

   From his goofy, '50s sci-fi gun that fires like an Uzi, to his bizarre obsession with cows, to his fondness for '70s slang, to the simple fact that he is an earthworm in a powered spacesuit that makes him look Mr. Universe-buff, everything about Jim's design screams, "What the ****!?" When he debuted, Earthworm Jim was weird like nothing before him and few things since have equaled his strangeness. Sure, his quests were fairly standard "Save-the-princess" affairs, but the fact that Jim could never quite remember the princess's name changed it from a cliché to a glorious parody deserving of a celebratory round of "Ride a Stair-chair up a massive flight of stairs while violent, ill-tempered old ladies tumble down towards you." Speaking of which, Jim is easily the most versatile of all video game heroes. Sure, most heroes are pretty good at shooting or stabbing things, and maybe a couple can even solve a few simple puzzles. But how many can extinguish burning cows before they get kidnapped by aliens? How many would fight a sentient, militaristic booger while bungee jumping into a cavern of mucus? How many would dress up like a blind, flying salamander and gracefully float through a villi-lined intestine to the melancholy strains of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata? Just one.

Prominent Titles: Earthworm Jim, Earthworm Jim 2

18) Leisure Suit Larry

   Ah, Larry, the desperate adventurer. Seeker of the boob, captain of the geek squad. Truly, if it wasn't for all the 36-18-36 measuring vixens that were always in the scopes of our eternal geekball, the term "Hero" would probably never even begin to be applicable here. Yet we owe Larry a debt of gratitude - through him, countless kids (of several generations!) learned about countless wrong ways to approach women, instead of having to learn via real-life embarrassment, which would have been oh so much more painful. Yes, on the scale of being able to repeatedly take rejection from women, Larry was always far, far ahead of the competition. Certainly unlike any other hero on this list, Larry's juvenile, yet ultimately endearing antics and sense of humor captured the minds of many an adolescent boy - and, perhaps even more notably, many mature, job-wielding adults, who could really appreciate the pointy comic relief streaming through Larry from the series creator Al Lowe. (Incidentally, of all the famous game designers, Al Lowe probably embodies the modest spirit of GameLemon most directly). For the record, Al Lowe also had nothing to do with Sierra's feeble attempt to re-invent the series in LSL: Magna Cum Laude. So here is to you Larry, the king of rejection, the butt-end of embarrassing jokes, the simultaneous and oxymoronical essence of man's most abysmal failures with the weaker sex and his all-that-much-more indistinguishable thirst for booty. Here is your spot on the Top Video Game Heroes of All Time list. You've earned it, buddy.

Prominent Titles: Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards, Leisure Suit Larry Goes Looking for Love (in Several Wrong Places), Leisure Suit Larry 3: Passionate Patti in Pursuit of the Pulsating Pectorals, (Leisure Suit Larry 4: The Missing Floppies), Leisure Suit Larry 5: Passionate Patti Does a Little Undercover Work, Leisure Suit Larry 6: Shape Up or Slip Out!, Leisure Suit Larry 7: Love for Sail!

17) Kain

   While Vivi embodies the cuter aspects of Final Fantasy character design, Kain is all about the dark, angst-ridden side. Perhaps the most tormented Final Fantasy character of all time, over the course of Final Fantasy IV Kain is pulled in about a dozen different directions. He has a deep loyalty to Baron, the country of his birth and the one his family has served for generations. But he also feels driven to stick by his best friend, Cecil, who becomes an outcast and a fugitive from that very country. Of course, the fact that he seriously has the hots for Cecil's lady, Rosa, just adds more confusion. Thankfully, for a significant portion of the game Kain is mind controlled, so he doesn't really need to worry about deciding where his loyalties lie. Oh, but wait, it turns out the reason the mind control is particularly effective is because he secretly wanted to do all the rotten things to Cecil and Rosa that he did while ensorcelled. But then again, it really turns out that the man controlling Kain was in turn being controlled by a near-godlike moon-being, so maybe all that other stuff was bull to begin with. While his constant side-switching might tempt some players to wish a painful demise on Kain, the fact that he's a crazy leaping dragoon who opens a six-pack of canned whoop-ass every time his little attack bar fills up makes a good case for keeping him around. Seriously, this guy's jumps could kill the Incredible Hulk even after he'd been genetically combined with a giant, mutant Incredible Hulk so that the final being had the strength of, like, two-and-a-half Incredible Hulks. Sure, Cecil may be the, "main character," but the fact that Kain is in the logo makes it pretty clear that even Squaresoft knew he was the real leading man.

Prominent Titles: Final Fantasy IV

16) The Hero from Quest for Glory

   It would be pretty much a felony to leave off this list a character whose very existence began with the words "So you want to be a Hero?", from a game that was originally called "Hero's Quest". (It was later changed to Quest for Glory after it turned out that another game company already trademarked the "Hero's Quest" name). The Quest for Glory series was arguably the most successful attempt ever to mix the adventure and role-playing genres, and the fact that its Hero is the only character on this list that bears no name of his own (the name was assigned by the player at the beginning of each QfG game) is the best testament to that. As he traveled across the different lands and cultures of the magical world of Gloriana, the Hero's most endearing attribute (strength, stealth, agility, and magic aside) was always the fact that he was actually believable as a real-life person. You, the player, could actually see yourself in this character that was clearly an imperfect, real-life kind of guy that was only acting brave because he found himself in a hero's shoes that no one else was around to fill. So when sh*t really hit the fan, your Hero didn't feel any shame in yelping and trying to hide under the table. Yes, Rambo he wasn't. He just tried the best he could - the best you could. Yet at the very same time he could do awesome things only possible in the magical worlds of Spielberg and Shapeir, Tarna and Mordovia. He cast spells, battled vampires, picked locks, and tricked evil magicians. He climbed trees and solved clever puzzles. He battled brigands and conversed with lions. He even had the balls to try some moves on a hot Mordovian vampiress. And, of course, he did it all with the quirky sense of humor of the series creators Lori and Corey Cole which made the games and the Hero all that much awesome.

Prominent Titles: Quest for Glory I: So You Want To Be A Hero, Quest for Glory II: Trial by Fire, Quest for Glory III: Wages of War, Quest for Glory IV: Shadows of Darkness, Quest for Glory V: Dragon Fire.

15) Guybrush Threepwood

   Never has a mightier pirate sailed the Seven Seas. Okay, I guess a bunch of them have, but never has one with a more acerbic whit and a stronger will to survive unbelievably awkward or embarrassing situations that would kill lesser men with shame. A lanky string bean of a man, Guybrush has shown us time and again that, in the long run, it's much better to be clever and a little snarky then it is to be a hulking, undead pirate captain. While the wacky, sometimes harrowing events that crop up in the Monkey Island games are certainly amusing in their own right, they are made absolutely hilarious by Guybrush's frequent dry observations. He may not exactly have become the master pirate that he dreamed of becoming when he first set out on his journey of self-discovery, but he certainly became a master at delivering perfectly timed one-liners. Besides, being a big, muscly buccaneer who eats nails and bites the heads off of less manly men is highly overrated. Guybrush got the girl, and last time I checked his enemies were deader than that possum I hit tonight on the way out for Chinese. And though he might occasionally (or perhaps very frequently) flinch or scream like a little girl, there isn't much that really rattles Guybrush. Except for (*Shiver*) Porcelain... Oh, and that whole "Monkey Island" thing.

Prominent Titles: The Secret of Monkey Island, Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge, The Curse of Monkey Island, Escape from Monkey Island

14) Kratos

   Kratos is not a nice man. If you somehow managed to miss the ads, Kratos is the bald Greek guy tearing off monsters' heads, ripping out their eyes, slashing the tendons in their legs, or slicing their arms off, then bathing in the shower of blood that gushes forth. But it's not just the bad guys that feel his wrath. He frequently cuts down civilians amidst the chaos of battle, once burned an innocent man to death to gain entrance to a locked room, and often takes pennies from the Take-a-Penny jar, but never, ever leaves one. Violent like a force of nature, he rips through enemy and bystander alike, driven by single-minded determination first for glory, then for revenge, then later maybe for a little of both. An anti-hero in the truest sense of the word, he fights for nothing but his own self-centered desires. Still, even after seeing how callous and vain he is, it's hard not to feel twinges of pity for him when he remembers with genuine despair the accidental deaths of his wife and child at his own hands. It was his bloodlust that undid him, but in the end he must use that same bloodlust to find redemption. Who says video game characters aren't complex? Ok, fine, he is mostly here because no one rips heads off mythical creatures with quite the same flare as he does. But still.

Prominent Titles: God of War, God of War II

13) Alucard

   Gee, who would have thought a pretty-boy half-vampire with a frosty demeanor and an Oedipal Complex would be popular with female fans? Alucard is the son of Castlevania's Dracula but has spent most of his lengthy adult life aiding the Belmont clan in battling the forces of his father. While he never waivers in his quest to forever banish Dracula from the mortal realm, centuries of fighting against his own flesh and blood as well as struggling to come to terms with the fact that part of what he battles against is within himself has left him bitter and distant. And the ladies just can't get enough of it. Seriously, in almost every game this guy is in women are swarming all over him. It has to be that "tough-but-vulnerable" vibe. It's also definitely noteworthy that Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, the game Alucard starred in, was the game that revolutionized the entire Castlevania series. After years of playing as guys in leather tunics who like to whip things, it was great to be able to play as somebody with access to a vampire's powers. Let's face it, fighting with a sword, shooting triple fireballs, and being able to transform into a bat beats whipping and throwing knives hands down. Deal with it.

Prominent Titles: Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow.

12) Roger Wilco

   We may have a couple of plumbers on this list, but fact is, no character here had the cahones quite big enough to be a janitor and still lay lawful claim to the Hero title. No one, except Roger Wilco, of course. A man whose very name is a pun on a radio communication protocol ("Roger Wilco" stands for "Received, Will Comply"), our man Roger was a friend of humor and tomfoolery from the very beginning. And if fairy tales and Hollywood movies are any indication, there is nothing we love more than a village idiot slash stand up comedian who ends up saving the world - mostly by accident. Space pirates, deadly androids, and the worst pests of all - cloned insurance salesmen - are no match for a man with a plunger who doesn't ponder too much on silly things like consequences. Like Al Bundy with no family and a slightly better job, it was only a matter of time before Roger rose to galactic greatness and launched his 6 game career at Sierra On-Line (before it slipped into mediocrity). Sierra was even working on the 7th iteration of the adventure game, when it was announced that Roger would be mysteriously "unavailable" in this installment. This turned out to be a fatal mistake, and Roger's revenge was brutal - the ill-fated game never came out, and Sierra's prominence as a game publisher soon waned. Poor little Sierra. Only the stupid mess with the man who controls their toilet.

Prominent Titles: Space Quest I: The Sarien Encounter, Space Quest II: Vohaul's Revenge, Space Quest III: The Pirates of Pestulon, Space Quest IV: Roger Wilco and the Time Rippers, Space Quest V: The Next Mutation, Space Quest 6: The Spinal Frontier.

11) Mega Man

   Ah, the Blue Bomber! One of my personal favorites, Mega Man is an enduring video game icon who has brought joy to several generations of gamers who dreamed of one day being a robot that could shoot other robots with lasers. Changed from a humble cleaning android to one designed for combat so that he could protect the innocent from evil, Mega Man is a hero in the purest sense. But it was the gameplay mechanic by which he gained the powers of defeated enemies and could then use them to exploit the weaknesses of other enemies that changed him from a flash-in-the-pan, generic 2-D hero to an enduring video game legend. While Mega Man has starred in a variety of different styles of games since then, including darker 2-D platformers, collectible-card-based RPGs, and even a go-kart racer, pretty much all of them have, in some form or another, featured the ability to gain the powers of defeated enemies. If nothing else Mega Man is particularly versatile. The proverbial boy scout of the video game world, Mega Man seems like he's always prepared for anything. Need some trees cut down? Don't worry, I got Lumberjack Man's chainsaw gun! Female troubles? Thank goodness I just beat Tampon Man! While his latest games may not have been the classics his earlier ones wear, the adaptability of the little guy makes it likely he'll always have a comeback.

Prominent Titles: Mega Man II, Mega Man X, Mega Man Battle Network 2, Mega Man Legends.

10) Minsc

   Sure, crazy, tattooed barbarians are a dime a dozen in Western RPGs, but only one of them has ever carried around a hamster that he claimed was some kind of super-intelligent space creature. Clearly all of Minsc's synapses are not firing as they should, but he's such a lovable oaf it's hard to dislike him. Every one of his lines is a brilliant mixture of the type of material you'd find in Norse heroic poetry and shouted encouragements to his hamster companion. Brought to life by talented voice actor Jim Cummings, Minsc's battle cries are just about some of the funniest things you'll hear in your entire life. A warrior of pride and honor, Minsc takes his oaths very seriously. So if he pledges himself to you, you've earned an ally for life. But if he decides you are wicked then it's only a matter of time before you lie battered and helpless on the ground, Boo (the aforementioned miniature giant space hamster) clawing out your eyes. In a world filled with as much uncertainty and treachery as that depicted in the Baldur's Gate PC games, characters as genuine and loyal as Minsc are hard to come by. He's likely had a few of his screws knocked loose over the years, but he more than makes up for missing brain cells with tons of heart and one awesome hamster.

Prominent Titles: Baldur's Gate, Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn.

9) Gabriel Knight

   Of all the private detectives that have graced our computer screens since the advent of point-and-click adventure games, Gabriel was by far one of the most charismatic. Plus, he always got really good work. From the voodoo cults of New Orleans to the lost secrets of the Templars, Gabriel always managed to find himself in the thick of something thoroughly forbidden and mystical. Like the use of FMVs (full motion videos) in video games - a strange little blip on the cardiogram of video game development that surfaced in the mid-90's and then promptly vanished without a trace - but not before Gabriel found himself in the fully FMV-ed Gabriel Knight 2: The Beast Within. To his credit, Gabriel came out of the ordeal with flying colors (unlike many of the other unfortunate FMV victims - remember Wing Commander III?), with GKII undoubtedly holding the lonely crown of the one FMV game that actually kicked ass. The incredible (to the point of freakishness!) depth of the plot and backstory created by Jane Jansen for each of the Gabriel Knight games translated to add much depth to Gabriel as a character; so much so that even the not-so-terrific choice of actor to portray him in The Beast Within did little to detract from his James Dean-like coolness. To top it off, Gabriel's cases where never easy or trivial. Here was detective work that was challenging and multi-faceted: it involved exploration, physical trials, brains, stealth, communication skills, and often enough quite literal courage - for Gabriel, as well as the player, for The Beast Within was one scary freaking game to be playing in a dark room at 2 o'clock in the morning. In the end, any player who stood side to side with Gabriel to the end, made a friend forever.

Prominent Titles: Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Fathers, Gabriel Knight 2: The Beast Within, Gabriel Knight 3: Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the Damned.

8) Luigi

   Luigi has come a long way from his early days as, "the green Mario," and, "that guy who jumps really weird in Super Mario Bros. 2." In fact, Luigi has perhaps developed a personality more entertaining than that of Mario himself. Luigi is the realist of the pair. Unlike his brother, who is noble to a fault, Luigi is not above turning tail and hauling ass out of a dangerous, or just plain scary situation. He truly wants to be a hero as renowned and beloved as his brother, but he is painfully aware that he lacks the courage and the hero's instinct to hurl himself into certain-death situations. In truth, Luigi thinks too much, and thus, like Hamlet, he hesitates in those moments when the true hero simply acts. Knowing this, he has resigned himself to a lifetime of second-banana-hood and tends to affect a kind of dispirited, sad sack attitude. That's not to say he doesn't get his moments in the sun, as he clearly does, and periodically he'll rally enough momentum to manage to save the day. However, he still knows that Mario is the real hero and always will be. Poor Luigi.

Prominent Titles: Super Mario Bros. 2, Paper Mario, Luigi's Mansion, Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga.

7) Jade

   There is much to be said for hot hair, green lipstick, and living in the future, especially on a girl that knows how to handle an SLR camera and swing a mean combo with a combat staff. Ah, the woman of my dreams. How far away is Hillys, anyway? Err - sorry. Got a little distracted there - I think I was supposed to be talking about Jade as one of the top video game heroes of all time - not my personal dream genie. My mistake. Jade is awesome. She's got hot hair, green lipstick, and a pig for an uncle, all of which come in extremely handy as she finds herself in the midst of a massive political conspiracy and a little planetary invasion thing that's been going on recently. At the beginning, Jade is little more than just an innocent bystander, though - all she really wants to do is take care of some kids who lost their parents in the invasion. Aww. But the little buggers seem to eat money for breakfast, so Jade has to go out for a little freelance photojournalism to make a couple of extra bucks. Next thing she knows, she finds herself in some extraterrestrial version of the Matrix, complete with an underground resistance movement, a super-secret codename, and a bold, soft-spoken leader. Armed with her trusty staff, a digital camera, and a sense of humor she is out to uncover hidden secrets of the Alpha Section. Oh science fiction! You make adventure so easy! It's hard to pinpoint what exactly makes Jade so attractive; at the risk of sounding cliché, I think its simply the fact that she is a cool, smart chick who can kick ass. Well, and the hair. And the green lipstick. In any case, along with Zoe Castillo of Dreamfall, she is definitely one of the most memorable video game characters of the past 5 years, and we are holding our fingers crossed for an equally kick-ass sequel to come out soon.

Prominent Titles: Beyond Good and Evil.

6) HK-47

   What if Star Wars' C-3PO, instead of being whiney and effeminate, was violent and sociopathic but still possessed that grating sense of self-superiority? Why, he'd be number five on this list, of course! A murderous assassin droid, HK-47 kills first and never really gets around to asking questions because he assumes he already knows the answers and frankly doesn't care if he doesn't know. Both Knights of the Old Republic games are full of questions, mysteries, and uncertainty, but HK-47 serves as a bastion of unwavering conviction. And that conviction is to killing as many people as he can get his hands on. Providing his "Master" allows it, of course. His unabashed dedication to murder and mayhem make him simultaneously alarming and, in a way, endearing for his constant honesty. Despite the fact that he is likely among the most evil characters in either game, HK-47 is actually pretty funny. From the fact that he declares what each of his statements are before speaking them (i.e. "Statement," "Threat," "Sarcastic Barb," etc.), to the childlike glee evident in his voice when bloody battle looms near, HK-47 is a continuous font of gallows humor. And that one scene in KOTOR II where he is briefly turned "good" is among the most hilarious moments in any video game, ever.

Prominent Titles: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic II: Sith Lords.

5) Samus

   The original ass-kicking lady, I would imagine Samus has been a greater feminist influence on several generations of young boys then Bell Hooks could ever hope to be. Believing they were playing as a man, or at least some kind of cyborg/robot guy, millions of gamers' minds were blown when, at the end of the original Metroid, renowned bounty hunter Samus Aran removed his helmet and revealed that, "he," was really a "she," but not in some weird, transgender kind of way. Samus is all woman, but from the perspective of the game, it really doesn't matter. And that's what makes Samus such a cool chick. Sure, under that armor she's got all kinds of soft bits not possessed by men, but in the game she's just a silent, alien-killing badass like the Master Chief. Besides, there are much more exciting things to focus on, like all of her amazing power-ups. From the Morph Ball, to the Ice Beam, to the Screw Attack, Samus's tools are all ingenious in their capacity to be both fun and functional. Almost all of them serve dual purposes (hold your questions on the Screw Attack, please!), as they can be used to visit fiery death upon her foes, but also to access new areas and allow her to venture deeper into whatever spooky, abandoned planet she's exploring. Heck, once she's gathered up all her tools this lady has almost as much versatility as Mega Man! Kudos, Samus! And kudos to Nintendo for never transforming this self-determined lady into a sex object over the years.

Prominent Titles: Metroid, Super Metroid, Metroid Prime, Super Smash Bros. Melee.

4) Zoe Castillo and April Ryan

   While well-endowed female characters aren't a particular rarity, ones possessing real strength of character and true emotional depth are a lot more difficult to come by. Now throw "in video games" onto the end of that sentence and you'll be in real trouble - in fact I am pretty sure we cover most of the notable exceptions to the rule in this very article. Perhaps the most recent addition to this short list is the duo of April Ryan and Zoe Castillo from The Longest Journey games. That's right, two for the price of one! We are soooo sneaky. Caught in an unpredictable and often dangerous adventure taking place not only in reality but also in a parallel dreamworld, Zoe and April have only the strength of their respective (and rather different) characters and convictions to rely upon. April's more quirky, yet grounded and practical character contrasts well with Zoe's more passionate, dreamy nature. One carries the weight of two worlds on her shoulders and the other is thrown across those worlds as she tries to come up for air in a whirlpool of a conspiracy she can hardly begin to understand. Yet like many truly great heroes, what makes both of these characters so attractive is that they are in no-way all-powerful - you've got a couple of real girls here, dealing with real crap with only their brainpower and a pair of girl-fists each at their disposal. Things don't always go their way, and sometimes they make mistakes - and sometimes you reload. The rest of the time, however, you have one hell of a time living vicariously through them, trying to figure out why it seems like everyone is lying to you, why you keep being yanked between dreaming and reality, and, most of all how come you never have time to just go do all that stuff 20-somethings are supposed to be doing. Of all the female characters in whose proverbial high heels I've had the pleasure (or more often, the torture) of walking in, both April and Zoe are definitely two of the deepest, most relatable, and most distinctive. Now I am just going to figure out a good place to stick in "smoking hot" somewhere in here and we'll be all set...

Prominent Titles: The Longest Journey, Dreamfall: The Longest Journey.

3) Solid Snake

   The world's greatest super spy, Snake is sort of the American equivalent of James Bond. Only instead of hanging out in fancy casinos and having sex with supermodels, Snake hides in a cardboard box in a swamp and eats rats. Yes sir, Snake is the real deal. None of that fancy schmoozing with diplomats or seducing the villain's sexy secretary for him. Snake (voiced in a gravely, world-weary way by David Hayter) is a real man's man. Whether rising up out of tall grass to silently slash an enemy's jugular, or stuffing a naked dude's corpse into a locker after snapping his neck and stealing his clothes, Snake is a brutally efficient soldier, competent in pretty much any form of combat imaginable (including Wiffle-Fu, a form I just made up right now that involves smiting enemy genitalia with Wiffle bats), who focuses on completing his mission above all else. But Snake is also somewhat of a tortured soul, as government agents in his position are frequently required to accomplish the most grueling, complex missions with a minimal amount of information and no questions asked. Of course, some of that lacking information is the kind of material that would lead an agent to question the morality of his goals. Betrayed countless times by the government he has fought and bled to protect, Snake is perpetually in a state of semi-retirement, but his inability to abandon the world to its fate leads him to continuously battle to save it. (Oh, and I know Solid Snake and Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater's hero, Snake, are "technically" different people, but have you played Snake Eater? They're totally the same guy.)

Prominent Titles: Metal Gear, Metal Gear Solid, Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater.

2) Mario

   Thirty years ago if you had declared that one of the most admired heroes of the day would be a portly, flamboyant Italian-American plumber in bright red overalls who fought evil turtles in order to save sentient fungus, you most likely would have been declared a witch and burned at the stake. But I'll be damned if you wouldn't have been completely right! Arguably the most recognizable face in the video game industry, even to those out of touch fogies who have never gazed with cataract-encrusted eyes at a video game, Mario and his games are some of the most influential forces in video game history. By running around like a spaz, breaking blocks with his head and crushing his foes under the heels of his cruel feet, Mario set the standards for which all 2-D, and eventually even 3-D, platformers would be defined. And his design, a glorious mixture of the mundane and the utterly absurd has withstood the test of time brilliantly. But what makes Mario truly great is that he's a workingman's hero. Giant ape? Fire-breathing dragon/turtle? Space alien? Clogged drain? Mario is the kind of guy who sees any challenge and says, "I can handle that." Not in a cocky way, but with the down-to-earth confidence of a regular Joe confronting a problem that somebody needs to deal with. Mario doesn't really possess any special powers, but he's dedicated and hardworking, and gosh darnit, that's what sees him through! A true inspiration for the children.

Prominent Titles: Super Mario Bros., Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario 64, Mario Kart: Double Dash, Super Smash Bros. Melee.

1) Link

   Oh, come on, act surprised! While all of the previous heroes embody what a great video game hero should be, none do so quite as perfectly as Link. Which is good, because we put him as number one on this list, lest we be eaten alive by thousands of angry fan children. Beginning most of his quests as a young man (or boy) setting out to deal with some minor crisis that has popped up for his small village, Link is soon confronted with the even greater problems facing his world, usually in the form of the evil bandit/wizard Ganon. Frequently he is depicted as someone possessing both boyish innocence and curiosity, but also an adult's understanding of what is at stake, and thus a commitment to see things through, no matter the hardship. Being the embodiment of the Triforce of Courage and pitted in opposition to Ganon, the embodiment of the Triforce of Power, Link possesses the spirit of every hero who bravely stands up against an overwhelming evil and emerges triumphant. Like the heroes in ancient and medieval tales, Link is heir to a great heritage, and he must recover a magical blade to lay claim to that heritage. Similarly, he must endure a number of trials and acquire various other magical baubles to prove his worthiness to inherit his birthright. And while he is the embodiment of Courage, he exhibits traits of all three parts of the Triforce during his adventures. He must use power to defeat the various beasts that he encounters, wisdom to overcome the puzzles he faces, and courage to continue pushing forward, always venturing into the next dark dungeon corridor or over the following desert dune. Yes, this boy really has it all. It is this fullness to Link that makes his quests so engrossing and helps the player really identify with him as they face and overcome each challenge together. Here is another medal for you kid. Let us know if you need to put it in mini storage - we know a good local provider.

Prominent Titles: The Legend of Zelda, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.

   Well, there it is, the list of the video game universe's top twenty-five heroes. Of course, these are just our opinions, and as omnipotent as we may be, we obviously can't fully dissect every game and its heroes, so there certainly could be some glaring omissions. Heck, we even thought of a bunch more while we were writing this. So head on over to the GameLemon message boards and assault us for the shoddy journalism. We like the pain.

Mike Zeller
Vaga

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