Author: Vaga

   Off on the far fringes of a weird, exotic, out of this world jungle called the Internet once lived a quiet, lone creature by the name of Teppy. Teppy was a private being, industrious, imaginative, and slightly green. He was short of height, had grand big hairy ears and a funny walk, but under this inconspicuous exterior lived a strong spirit that loved video games and an occasional beer, and a sharp mind that enjoyed history and liked to dream. Teppy lived virtually alone in his little private little corner of the Internet, going about his business quietly, and, like most secretly genius green little creatures, with patient determination.

   One day, Teppy's peaceful routine was interrupted by an arrival of an unexpected visitor. Teppy first heard the commotion from far away, as someone made their way through the vegetation with all the grace of a wounded elephant. Quite a few minutes later, a man finally appeared out of the bushes: he was tall, skinny, and bearded, and dressed in a rather outdated manner, even by Teppy's exceedingly relaxed standards. In his hand the man held an extremely red and irritated ear, to which was attached a boy of about sixteen or seventeen years of age. The boy himself looked even more irritated than the ear.

   Ah, said the man, examining Teppy quickly, at last I have found you. The name is Roy. My friend Dick is parking the time machine, and this here, this is MMOG. He made one final tug on the ear and let go. Teppy said nothing. He was slightly curious as to the reason behind this unexpected visit, but he figured Roy didn't drag MMOG all this way just to introduce himself, and so would eventually get to the point all on his own.

   I want you to teach this kid what video games are really all about, said Roy.

   Teppy felt very wise right then. He drew himself up, gave his face an expression of extreme dignity, and said Aye. He wasn't quite sure why he said Aye, except that it seemed like the right kind of thing to say under the circumstances. Excellent, exclaimed Roy. I'll leave him with you then. Cheers. He gave MMOG a stern nod, turned and headed back through the bushes to wherever it was that he came from. Teppy and MMOG were left alone. What now? said MMOG. Teppy scratched his slightly green head. He didn't exactly have an education plan laid out quite yet, and needed to stack up on cool phrases besides. Meanwhile, the house could use some work. He looked at his new pupil closely. Paint the fence, he said.

   Much paint faded since Roy first brought MMOG and his ear to Teppy, and much has the boy learned, yet much remained. On one specific sunny tropical afternoon Teppy and MMOG were having one of their usual lessons; this particular time around Teppy had MMOG levitate fifty three things in the air with his mind while designing a player-to-player trading system for the game they've been working on. MMOG was doing a pretty good job, but then he got distracted by thoughts of a combat system and let an old rusty kettle drop to the ground. Teppy shook his head. A fool you are, young MMOG, he said. Of combat system you must not think. This game will have it not. (Teppy had taken to talking in this weird way lately for reasons he could not explain, yet he found the manner strangely compelling, and so he persisted).

   Now look, replied MMOG in frustration, and the other fifty two things fell down with a loud bang. I am tired of levitating all this furniture and cutlery and stuff. I want to get this game out there already. And I know we aren't finished yet, and that the graphics are embarrassing and there is no fighting system and this "A Tale in the Desert" name you've given it is frankly a little weird and probably highly unmarketable. But I want to get it out there anyway and see how the cards fall. I must go and I must do this, and then I will return and finish my training.

   Go you must not, said Teppy, and swayed a little from side to side for some added effect. Very dangerous to stop training now it is. Much you do not know.

   But MMOG would not be convinced, and kept rambling on and on about getting the game published and finishing training later and soon enough his bags were packed. Goodbye, he said to Teppy. I'll be back soon. And with that, he disappeared into the vegetation.

   Now I know what you are thinking: what of the evil Darth Good Enough? Was he out on the prowl, just waiting for our poor MMOG to come out of his hiding? Of course he was. And no sooner than MMOG had left Teppy and his cozy little corner of the Internet did Darth Good Enough pounce on him. He slapped the kid around a little bit, and then sat him down for some good old propaganda.

   Look, he said, enough already with this insane skill tree and all these freaky gameplay features. You are concentrating on the wrong things. The game looks pathetic, for Christ's sake. Not to mention it has no teeth. What you need is to divert all of your resources towards killer graphics and a flashy fighting system, and the sooner the better. Now you stick with me, and I'll teach you a thing or two about big swords and 3D acceleration. You be a good boy and I'll introduce you to Darth Big Publisher and we'll get this thing rushing off the shelves in no time.

   But MMOG was un-intimidated by Darth Good Enough; he kicked the old man in the shins and said that he didn't care whose father he was and that he didn't need his stinking help and his big fat publishing friends, and he'd rather self-publish over the web than have anything to do with him. Now this the old man found very hurtful; he ran around the room waving a light saber till he was dizzy in the head and then said, fine, I am calling in the big guns. I am calling Darth Big Publisher. And so, the long story short, MMOG found himself in a big fancy office, being fed free donuts and coffee and free pens and pencils to boot. Then Darth Big Publisher started to speak, and he spoke long and he spoke hard, and he said "you must not underestimate the power of Big Money" and some other words too which MMOG didn't find very interesting, so much so that he even started to doze off a little, but then Darth Big Publisher shocked him with this lightning thingy, which kinda hurt, and woke MMOG right up. Now look, said Darth Big Publisher rather angrily, I've been talking and talking here, but now I see that you haven't been listening. So here is the bottom line: you take out all this new age gameplay crap you keep chattering about, and my boys will put in a decent graphics engine, and we'll change the name to something real clich?, and we'll get some money behind a marketing campaign, and you'll get a tiny share of the profits and like it. Now write all that down so you don't forget later. But here our MMOG got real pissed, he's really quite had it with being slapped around by everyone and especially with the lightning thingy which he was sure was gonna leave a mark, and boy, did he let it rip. He screamed and screamed until he couldn't scream no more and then he pushed Darth Big Publisher down some kinda freaky looking shaft with lots of lights and stormed out. It was decided now, and there was no going back: he was going with a small, independent publisher with no "Darth" prefix to their name, and the crappy graphics engine was to stay, and so was the incredible skill tree and the no combat thing was to stay too, and all the incredible cooperative gameplay stuff. He even decided to keep the weird name, as a special tribute to Teppy. The game was a go: a go despite being a living and breathing violation of nearly every massively multiplayer game principle to date. There was to be no big marketing campaign, and no box. All there was to be was a website, and a link to a download. A new, rebel MMOG was born.

   ...Read more of this... Because you want to... You DO want to...!



Episode III >>